Touyu's Favorite

looking for an epic story. One that will make me forget the crap I just read recently.

my own analysis of what’s going on:

so in the mafia, there is a phase of struggle called “transversal revenge” or sometimes “transversal vendetta”, in which relatives or other close companions of an enemy accept the consequences of something the enemy has done to piss them off; and that consequence is usually murder or some other form of suffering or torture. it’s essentially a method of retaliation.

since jian yi’s father seems to be the boss of his own mafia group, and with jian yi being under close watch of the bodyguard, qui’s, eyes lately and qiu saying jian yi can’t be in his own home because it’s too dangerous - I’m wondering if a case of transversal revenge/vendetta is happening with jian yi.

jian yi has been shot at in chapter 195 when he was kidnapped by a random old man whose name we do not know. when he is taken and awakens, the old man says “i’m not doing it for money” and while looking for jian yi, he cheng tells ms. jian “his only motive is to meet sir” (jian yi’s father). ms. jian responds back “what you guys did is your own problem. you must bring back jian yi unharmed.” and he cheng replies back “mr. jian has already reminded us”. in chapter 196, when qiu finds him, jian yi starts getting shot at.

although we haven’t been let on with as much info that we want, I think it’s safe to infer that jian yi (in harm and even death) is being used to retaliate against jian yi’s father. maybe mr. jian did something to upset this old man and now the price for not meeting up with him will be “meet me or your son will pay the price”, basically a “if you don’t follow my demands I will murder your fucking son”. jian yi’s mother has been gone for a while, probably to help diffuse the situation as well. qui delivered a bag of money to jian yi to take care of himself while his mother was away. his dad seems to have put guards to surround and protect him.

so to me, I think it’s a case of transversal revenge and someone is out to kill jian yi. jian yi disappears in high school and with the current timeline, the boys are only in middle school still and haven’t even graduated from it yet so he won’t be leaving in a chapter anytime soon but I think the build up for why he disappears is being set up and we may gain more information in the meantime before that happens.

all I know is I want to hurt whoever is trying to hurt jian yi. this poor boy hasn’t ever had a happy childhood with his father abandoning him, his mother wasn’t always around, he is always by himself, being bullied by other kids in school etc. and now when he is just a bit older he is being shot at and kidnapped and poor thing has no idea what is going on. he deals with so much and tries to be a facade smile without telling ppl what he’s going through in the end. I just want happiness for him. zhan zheng xi is really the only shine of light on his life and showed him what it felt like to love and be loved.

JIAN YI DESERVES THE WORLD.

Once in a while there is a story I couldn’t get over.
This time it is My Starry Sky. I began reading without knowing how painful it is gonna be for me.
Everything in it exudes melancholic feels. The poem at the beginning, the name Skyler, the hair of Skyler, Yeonsuk’s memories, childhood theme, long distance, misunderstandings and regrets... I couldn’t help it. Chewing the pain and sadness.
Once in a while I would swear that I should stop reading yaoi for good, and find a way to adjust to the real world, the reality. But I couldnt leave. Now I think about the good stories, I understand the reason why I couldnt leave. Because they bring me the feels, the sadness, love and sacrifice that I dont experience in this life. Reality is harsh and it leaves me the loneliness but minus love. Love sounds like a wonderful thing and I wish I knew how it feels to love and be loved so sincerely. I wonder I am just an unlucky one, or is it because I dont deserve love. I dont know how to love sincerely either, so maybe that is why I never receive it.
My mind now is full of flashbacks of the scenes in My Starry Sky. I wish I could love someone like Yeonsuk loves Skyler, I wish I am loved the way Skyler is. They are fictional. But I am jealous. They are so real. The way love is depicted in the story is so real. I wish my life was not so mean and full of shit. I wish I could live knowing that I am not alone. I wish I could share mylife with someone. I wish I could care less about unimportant things happening to me. But in the end, I am not the protagonist in a story. As soon as I look away from the phone screen and get on with reality, I know I will once again doubt the existence of true love. And think that my life is absurd the way it is and will never be different.
I am disillusioned
But at least for now, I am sad, and I want to love and be loved