Sol's Topics (182)

bless you

If you find someone attractive you shouldn't want to sleep with them? ...I don't get allosexuals.

What do you mean by that last sentence?Are you talking about me? Also, are you telling me you would sleep with anyone who is attractive? Even if you are in a relationship? Since I think that girl is dating the father because they got it on before, who is to say they don't still?

I'd rather get shot than have sex, so no, I wouldn't. Most people are assuming that she is no longer dating the father. She was serious about the father, so I doubt she'd cheat. A lot of people sleep with people they just met, and that's okay. As long as there is consent then I'm in no place to judge.

No moral involved? Kids new days are a bit scary lol

Where would morals (a majority of which are subjective construct forced upon us by religion) apply here?

Casual sex isn't harmless. You pretty much jeopardize your chances of having a committed relationship in the future, as it becomes harder to get people's trust/take you seriously. It goes for both men and women.

Of course though, in a city, you don't risk the same things as if you were living in a village of a hundred people. But there's certainly a cost, word spread.

There again, it goes both ways, but you really have to wait until enough emotional attraction has built up, which is the OK sign. You can then let the person tell you more clearly if he/she's interested or not into something serious.

So no, unless you're sure you don't ever want to commit in a serious relationship, don't sleep with people just because they're attractive. They might actually be offended you don't want to take the time to know them more seriously before asking to see them in their most vulnerable form.

And ask them their STDs test at least, please. Make sure you can trust them on it as well. Make sure you can trust them to not try anything funny. Make sure he's not looking for a serious relationship with you, if you don't want one, tell him directly.

Morally... If your way of getting it is to play with the person's feelings, then meh, not really moral. If you come off entirely straight, it's another thing. But it's about wanting sex from someone without really caring about what they are really is inside... Kind of treating you like an object, only wanting something from you because of your appearance.

Now if both consent of treating each other kind of like objects, good I guess, but not everyone sees it as something to be treated casually ╮(￣▽￣)╭

Fair enough, but I don't think someone should get offended for being proposition. Annoyed, maybe, but not offended.

Honestly, if pretty much a stranger, I'm mostly totally freaked out when it happens and try to spot every options I have in order to stay safe or run away from a conversation with them if they're being too clingy and won't leave me alone. Not a pleasant experience.

If it's someone I actually at least remember their name, yeah, it can get offensive depending on the tone. If they're like "I know you want to sleep with me", berk. If not, I mostly feel harassed. WAAY too soon to ask such a thing. And they could've asked my two cents about that kind of sex instead before asking such a thing. It's less intrusive and they can pick up the hint.

"Casual sex isn't harmless. You pretty much jeopardize your chances of having a committed relationship in the future, as it becomes harder to get people's trust/take you seriously. It goes for both men and women. "

This is such a massive crock of shit. You've got some major hangups.

Well, depends for who you ask, depends on the culture etc.

Most people I've talked about that agree on that though, it's harder to trust people who have a past of casual relationships :/

Care to detail your statement? Just curious aha.

I think it depends. If you're known for sleeping around, there are definitely some people who won't want to be in a relationship with you. Then again, you could say that with just about any quirk/habit a person has.

I personally agree with Nnene. I don't want a man who was a player and slept around.

ok

oke, how did this subject end up here, haha? Suddenly so serious

Who knows, but I am agree with Nnene posture. (●'◡'●)ﾉ

Casual sex is not harmless sex. it does take a toll on a person. If not emotional, health wise. you have to be concerned abt. not just Std. , Hiv and now Zika. Those are quite real. You can carry Hiv for years and not know it. That is not a hang up.

One time I got into that awkward position where I was with some other people in the morning talking about their drugs and sex adventures lol.

There was one case where one of the guys was talking about that time one girl he had casual sex with just stopped taking the pill without telling him. He was literally having panic attacks when he knew about it, thankfully she ended up not being pregnant.

And he also talked about another guy, who dated a girl who had lots of "experience", and well and STD. He decided to have unprotected sex, since hey, he was so convinced they "were meant forever". It took maybe 2 years, which is fair enough I guess lol, and they broke up. Woohoo.

You never know in what kind of situation you might end up in, they're things that really happen, believe it or not ╮(￣▽￣)╭

It differs from person to person. it doesn't necessary take an emotional toll, and if you're responsible, use protection, and ask your partners about any STIs they have, then it's fine. Even if they get something, they still shouldn't be looked down upon.

The people who can do it without any emotional toll are rare though. And people lie/are not aware about their STIs.

They're not looked down upon unless they got it in the most stupid way, were being way too careless and now whine. But regardless of that, even less people would want to date them, for obvious reasons. Nothing to do with looking down upon, but it's just a bit scary you know.

That's fair.

To get back to your "I don't get allosexuals", it's that you've got the wrong idea because you're trying to make a caricature out of them. Being sexual doesn't mean people can't help but need sex all the time and constantly think of relationships as sexual. You're totally ignoring allosexuals that abstain from sex for whatever reason. Being a large group, obviously, people are extremely diverse.

Most of allosexuals: they're not constantly craving sex.

Personally I crave more closeness to someone than sex itself. Hugging a guy is the best feeling too :3. Sex is fun, but really, far from being a determining aspect, it's what I think about after getting into a relationship.

There's having what we call here where I live, a "kick", when you're having some butterflies for someone and you feel like getting close to a person. Most guy friends I have, I have some sort of degree of "kick" for them. But I wouldn't want to have sex with them, as anyway I keep that for the one I actually fell in love for. It's important for him, so I just abstain, it's nothing hard to do, and in exchange he doesn't do it with someone either. And really, I'd be happier getting a hug from them lol, though for obvious reasons that won't happen often (and that's fine aha). I might indulge in a bit of inoffensive flirting however, it's all fun.

"Sexual" is not only intercourse. Hugs, flirting, etc. are also sexual.

You are quite wise Nnene.

Plus, generally speaking, women tend to base their desire for sex more on connection and emotion, while men on the other hand tend to get the connection from sex. Of course it's probably interchangeable, but you get the idea, while men's libido is quite straightforward for most of them, you can't say the same about most women. It doesn't follow such a straight path.

This is why you get such stats (approximates from statistics I found from the UK):
http://pic.mangapicgallery.com/r/album/82/raw_/162_1008762.jpg
Women are a tad less straightforward, huh? Only about 60% actually define themselves as heterosexual, while men jump to a 75% and also have more homosexuals and less bisexuals than women. And are also very rarely asexual, unsure etc. (they certainly exist, I'm not saying otherwise, but are such a minority they were put in "other").

So yeah, there's quite a lot of diversity in "allosexual".

Btw if someone's interested in the stats of the yaoi fandom and how it compares lol (from an online poll from 350 something English speakers around the world):
http://pic.mangapicgallery.com/r/album/82/raw_/162_1008755.jpg

And it's always about connection, so most do get an emotional toll from it, even though they enjoy the instant gratification. And it doesn't mean you want a connection with just about anyone.

On another note, I find it wierd that people have put labels on people that aren't interested/repulsed in sex. Never heard of "asexual" to define a person before roaming on the web, I guess it's an English thing (not a native speaker myself). Can't it just be "I'm normal and not interested at all in sex" ? I even know lots of homosexuals that aren't too happy with the gay parades, since they'd rather celebrate how normal they are rather than how different.

*young adults in the UK
Oops, been a while since I made these graphs, just remembered about that detail xD.

Btw, anyone has a guess as to why women not interested in sex/unsure are that drawn toward yaoi? Because statistically, they boom, just like heterosexual women (which, the latter, it's kind of obvious why), while bisexual/homosexual men and women don't budge all that much (and heterosexual men are very not interested lol).

Is it curiosity toward sex (maybe for "unsure)? Liking the idea of idealized sex but not wanting to themselves indulge into it (kind of like how some are into yaoi depicting rape?). Because there are plenty of romance stories, why those depicting sex particularly? I mean, personal tastes aside, there seem to be something there going on.

I don't claim to have the answer to that obviously, just wondering ╮(￣▽￣)╭

I'm asexual and aromantic, but am also aesthetically attracted to men myself, so I can only speak for me on this subject.

I like yaoi for a lot of different reasons; story, smut, art, fluff. And when I think about it? That's more or less what I like in a lot of other manga/books too. But yaoi does it differently in a few different (less obvious) ways.

1. It compacts a lot of drama into about 5-6 chapters or less. They're good for short reads and quick fixes for entertainment. They're not like some shoujo which just drag on and on and on. If anything, shoujo is sometimes more unrealistic with how much time it takes for the protagonists to even hold hands. But it's supposed to be the slow-downed ideal love for teenage girls, so I do appreciate how yaoi can depict things at a faster speed (sometimes too fast, but some relationships do and can start off with sex).

2. I personally think that girls will like gay sex like how guys like lesbian sex. Not everyone gets into it (I had a friend who tried and just couldn't get excited over it), I know, but there's always going to be that little added spice of 'forbidden' love. Doubled if there's some sort of incest or age gap, LOL.

3. This is a bit offensive to say, but it's just my opinion; girls like to think that relationships between two guys is a lot simpler compared to a guy and a girl. It's not true, especially not in real life, but we might like to romanticize it that way. (Most, not all) Girls like to have emotionally intimate friendships. Girls understand how other girls think (and no one knows how to flirt with a girl better than another girl), so we think that guys should understand how other guys think. That guys should also want emotionally intimate relationships. And it's a lot easier for girls to get along, even in a flirty way, so guys should be the same way, right?

Basically, yaoi gives us a 'girl-focus' on how women think of men's emotional relationships. They're focused mainly on emotions and how twisted they can get, because that's how women know they feel in relationships. I know that there are yaoi written by male authors to, but in the end the yaoi market is bigger if aimed towards women. Women have more tendencies to fangirl because we like to emotionally invest.

I ended up rambling, but this is just my personal opinion. It got really long, oops.

Sorry about that. I was half joking, and I think you interpreted what I said the wrong way. I'm not viewing allosexuals as a caricature. Some asexual have sexual desire, too (it's a common misconception, so that's probably where the misunderstanding here lies). Sexual drive =/= sexual attraction.
What makes being allosexual different than being asexual is that allosexuals experience sexual attraction. Sexual attraction derives from, well, finding someone attractive in a manner that you might want to have sex with them (it doesn't mean you want to do it right then and there). This obviously differs from person to person, and things like taste will make it so that one person is sexually attracted to something that someone else isn't sexually attracted to. However, in the majority of cases, people are attracted to good looking individuals. That's even the case with many alloromantic asexuals. Therefore, my point was that I found it odd that someone is being criticized for finding a person sexually attractive since 99% of the population experiences sexual attraction.

Again, I think a big part of the miscommunication here is that you didn't get my joke. I know what being allosexual entails.
However, I am going to have to 100% disagree with you that things like flirting and hugging are sexual. I am an alloromantic asexual. I flirt, I hug, but I would rather be shot than have sex, make out with, feel up, etc. a person. There is definitely a line between platonicity and sexuality.

Honestly, the reason I started reading was to desensitize myself. It worked at first, but only so much. Even now I can't stare at the sex scenes too long or I'll start cringing and go to my happy place, lol. Then if there's anything extremely detailed I'll get lightheaded. I'm basically your stereotypical sex repulsed ace, lol.
I know a lot of asexuals who like yaoi, but I'm not sure what category they fall into. It might sexually arouse some, and they'll like that. There are asexuals who masturbate, after all. Anyway, I guess in the end I could ask the same question to a straight girl. Don't know if that explanation makes any sense or not.

Mmmh, it certainly can be sexual. Anything that builds up sexual tension is sexual. It depends from persons to persons, but many get boners from hugs lol.

It can also be totally platonic, of course.

Well I guess it's just because at the end of the day it's women attracted in one way or another to men. Sexually and aesthetically, or only aesthetically. That's why the only stats that doesn't go up with women are the homosexual ones. And it's romance for women, so even gay and bisexual men aren't quite as much into it, while not being particularly repulsed by it either.

It's basically a medium to let women's fantasies roam free. It's read as a way to relax without having to care about women gender norms (like shojo does). Plus, the more guys the merrier :L. Anyway, your points were all good, something like that.

I don't feel there's that much of a difference between straight and sex-aversed, sex-indifferent or sex-repulsed. Then again women (generally speaking) don't see sex quite just like men, the libido works a bit differently. And as pointed out by LessThanThree, it doesn't mean some won't masturbate, also possibly still having a X sexual drive.

Basically, it's women that, for one reason or another, just won't base their desire for sex with another individual on connection and emotion. That leaves them with nothing, it's cut off right before any desire happens. Without the straightforward libido that most men and probably some women have, who basically have the sexual drive to bang someone else to get that connection.

Something like that? xD

Well, let's say we have very different reactions, but it makes sense aha.

It's like, I have needle phobia. Not sure I can compare it to a phobia lol, but I get the same feeling, even if it's only drawn xD. I just can't, I cringe so bad.

They probably fall in the "sex-indifferent" part of asexuality, I would guess. Meaning while they're not necessarily aroused, they can enjoy the story freely. Besides, the sex makes for some great tension-building between two characters ehe.

Woah, so many comments

So I guess you read it because you want to have lots of sex or get raped for fun. ε=ε=(ノ≧∇≦)ノ

Nah, I already have lots of sex ε=ε=(ノ≧∇≦)ノ

Wow...what an interesting conversation. I did not realize there were so many labels out there. What are allosexual and alloromantic? I've heard of asexual before (which I must apparently fit in since I am still a virgin at this age and I even have problems kissing people unless I am drunk), but never the other two. Also, thanks for having this conversation. I have often felt like there was something wrong with me since it seemed like I was the only one who seemed like I was never or very rarely sexually attracted to anyone. It's nice to know I am not as much of a weirdo as I thought I was.
In regards to the comments about casual sex can be harmful, I'd have to agree. It does depend on the person, though. I've had friends who didn't have problems with casual sex. They ended up getting labeled as "slut" and "easy" by the guys we knew (my then boyfriend actually dumped me because he wanted to get together with one such friend...who shot him down ha ha). Some didn't care about the labels. Some were really hurt, though they put on a tough face. And then you have people like me. I seriously would like to have sex before I die, and have considered ways to remedy this (including going to Vegas and hiring a professional). The most recent idea was to go with the flow with a guy that I know is into me, but that having a real relationship is not feasible for a number of reasons. So I let him kiss me (yesterday)...and have felt so ashamed and disgusted with myself...just from a kiss. So no, casual sex would probably destroy me.
Sorry for oversharing and thank you again for this discussion. You have no idea how much better this has made me feel

I have an answer for this. In my case I was drawn to yaoi because I am too emotional, so my experience with guys was that they were quite insensitive and (why not) , sometimes brutes. So while reading yaoi I was able to see that they can be sensitive, they have feelings and can be emotional too, so I began to dream to find a guy that could love me so passional and gentle as the yaoi manga I tend to read. Also was a curiosity of sex since only this year I could finally develop my sexuality with a man I love and I have always being afraid of being hurt.

I love romantic yaois by the way or that are a bit comic, or intense, Ten count basically IS A STORY THAT MAKE ME UNDERSTAND CONFUSING FEELINGS LIKE MY OWN. So that is my answer Nnene, by the way you seem to be quite wise and uderstanding, I like your posture about sex, specilly since the topic was brought by the ch 35 of ten count and the ...ok, I do not mean to be rude, but that annoying little girl earned my hate in two seconds, how dare her try to steal the love of Shirotani!!! after all, she was the main cause of his trauma. but this is just a story lol

So damn true

Alloromantic and allosexual are people who aren't aromantic or asexual.

LessThanThree, I apologize in advance for this rant but please take the time to read!:
Y'know, a lot of cultures around the world wouldn't agree with you. Where I'm from, people want you to be a virgin until marriage. That was the old custom but nowadays, they're more open minded and less traditional. However, we're still pretty strict on sex and marriage and shit like that. I don't agree with that anymore but a couple years ago, when I was barely a pre teen, I wanted EVERYONE to believe in abstinence.

I've seen you comment WAYYYY too much in this manga about slut shaming and things like that...just realize that people are raised differently and have different beliefs. You can argue as much as you want but you aren't changing anyone's minds. Many of us were raised to think a certain way. I AGREE WITH YOU that people should have sex with whomever they want (as long as it's legal and they aren't cheating), but I don't agree that it should be on the first meeting. Would you give your phone number, your home address, etc to a stranger? I sure as hell would not. And having sex with them upon first meeting is just as bad as giving them personal info, in my opinion. You may think differently, and that's perfectly ok, do you, but leave others alone if they don't agree.

Anyways, what I'm trying to say is: please stop replying to EVERYONE who is calling the girl out for wanting to sleep with Kurose right away. It's their opinion and no one is being hurt for it. I'm sure most of them don't go around calling people sluts for sleeping with a lot of people. We just really, really, hate Ueda from this manga, so we will say whatever the fuck we wanna say about her, because, well, she's a bitch.

So let people be. An argument with a random stranger online isn't gonna do shit. Calling someone a slut isn't that big of a deal anyways. I don't see people going around trying to end the use of the word "stupid." Insults are never gonna go away.

Anyways, that's all I wanted to say. How about, instead of commenting so much about slut shaming, we should instead discuss how exciting it was to see Shirotani drink from Kurose's glass! Isn't that 100x more interesting to talk about than some middle aged chick's sex life?

I don't try to argue so much as state my opinion. I only argue when people argue with me, tbh. I like debating, but apparently people don't do that on this website? I'm new, so I'm still learning the ropes. On other sites debates are encouraged. I don't see it as arguing so much as healthy discourse, but if people here don't do that I'll lay off.

I'm also aware of the cultures that disagree. I'll have to disagree on "slut" and "stupid" being comparable, though. I didn't even argue about slut shaming in my opening comment here. I said I was confused because sexual attraction revolves around - wait for it - attraction.

Of course debating is encouraged! I appreciate how sensible and well thought out your comments are. It's just that I often come to this manga to reread and when I scroll down to the comments, I see that there's SO many comments about things like slut shaming and sexual attraction, and most of them are heated discussions with you. I hope that doesn't come off as insulting but I really don't think we should put so much attention into trying to change the minds of people who don't WANT their minds changed. Just let them be :)

Yeah, okay. Didn't really intend to change minds so much as state my own, lol.

Just realized the way I worded that was kind of rude, so: no offense intended. XD

none takenヾ(☆▽☆)

I like the girl she is perfect in the story