basically he's saying "seeing you be a good person to other's feels shitty to me because i am in love with you but literally kinda shamed being gay a few chapters prior"
this is so true beauty coded sorry but suho = eunhyeok disappears and she gets with seojun = dowha after trying to get over the mc and falls again but actually then suho = eunhyeok reappears and they end up tgt
basically he's saying "seeing you be a good person to other's feels shitty to me because i am in love with you but literally kinda shamed being gay a few chapters prior"