judgesmylifedecisions's Things

A friend asked me to just casually date.
We are hs friends and he confessed that time but I turned him down politely. Well, no hard feelings tho and continued to be friends and lost contact at some point. After several years, we sort of got in touch again. U know just the little chat updates , advices about his recent break up and shared interests. Then today, just asked me if I'm okay to casually date.

What does it mean? Does it make sense that I told them I need to think about it? I mean, I had a bad break up 2 years ago and still healing so i feel guilty using him at some point. He told me to just enjoy and not to worry but here I am doing the opposite. Are my guilty feelings invalid or u know overreacting? Please help :(

I have no one to talk to but I just needed to let this out. Sometimes.. I just want everything to end. I have always thought of suicide but I'm scared of pain.
I lost my job during the pandemic and I'm basically a burden to everyone around me. I tried applying for jobs and nobody wants me. I do art to redirect my frustrations and disappointments and I think I'm good enough cuz I do comms as well. But these days, even art does not do its magic anymore. Everyday is a constant battle. Thoughts shift from negative to positive to encouraging then completely hopeless. Im so confused.. just everything rapidly. Sometimes I think I'm crazy. I'm hanging on. I'm barely holding on. I tell myself to be strong. That this is just a test for me to overcome. All the self blaming and justifications are just excuses. I want to give up. So bad.

I just want to rest.
Please let me rest.
I'm so tired.
I think I really am crazy.

Mine was rice with maggots.

I remember 7 years ago a typhoon hit our city. It was so terrible that you literally see carcasses be it human or animal around. Fortunately my fam survived but food was scarce that we resulted to loot some stores for survival. We knew help would not reach us soon. Electricity was out and the roads are impossible to pass through and this went on for months. My dad owned a rice farm but our rice got wet because of the flood. We had it dried out of desperation just to fill our bellies. I remember tearing up as we ate, never minding those little worms on our rice paired with looted chicken nuggets. It was delicious, I tell u. We knew that would be one of the most unforgettable meals we had.

Mine was rice with maggots.

I remember 7 years ago a typhoon hit our city. It was as if annihilation of mankind happened with all the carcasses (be it human or animal) around. Fortunately my fam survived but food was scarce that we resulted to loot some stores for survival. We knew help would not reach us soon. Electricity was out and the roads are impossible to pass through and this went on for months. My dad owned a rice farm but our rice got wet because of the flood. We had it dried out of desperation just to fill our bellies. I remember tearing up as we ate, never minding those little worms on our rice paired with looted chicken nuggets. It was delicious, I tell u. We knew that would be one of the most unforgettable meals we had. All that mattered was my fam was complete.

How to make Hydrogen sulfide with household materials? Do you know a site where they give the recipe? Better if it's from a Japanese website. Please. I'm desperate.