Janchai's activites

You know... bro wouldn't have died if he didn't go back... I'm... this is so... anticlimatic?

Also, I'm confused coz it seems like in the main story the MC got cursed because he had like sex with other ppl besides ML so I thought dude was committing infidelity but he... never did? He was raped...? I'm confused why was he punished for that...?

Heechan is so full-speed ahead in tackling life that he must be a breath of fresh air for Minjae lol. Like, if a guy who doesn't treat me like I'm fragile and instead treats me like he would no matter what is around me I'd feel better, too.

Heechan's character is so blunt that he could be offensive (like with how he reacted to Taekin being bullied) but his past is so intertwined I never feel like hating him because he just reacted differently due to his character and his own logic. He has no time to cry and be sad because he needs to work. He seeks a solution quickly instead of immersing in the situation/his feelings because that's how it worked best for him. And compared to Taekin who had no grocery market as a way out for him, Heechan is more positive in his outlook and decisions.

Honestly, I love how he's not unfeeling or a stoic character. That he gets mad and curses but he's still so grounded in his own ideas he's calmer than a person like him should be. Like SamK's Payback, he reminds me of Yoohan lol. He gives off the sense of someone who you want to orbit and be allowed to surround him because he seems like such a detached individual sometimes. Maybe this is why Minjae is interested in him lol.

Idk, he's a very interesting character.

I love that they're all weirdos and criminals but they're so humane we all collectively forgot they would probably get locked up lol

Why are you crying [???] ?
. . .
because you deleted yourself from everyones memory?
. . .
but [???] isn't that what you wanted all along?

I'm not gonna talk about how much of a red flag ML is because it's obvious and apparent but I want to nerd about the imagery the author did in this manwha.

This author is the same author of Sura's Lover (WHICH I DO NOT RECOMMEND IT'S SHIT) and what I loved about the author is their skill in creating these beautiful and wonderful imagery, even amidst the shitty story of Sura's Lover.

First, the most apparent symbolism we have is the fish. The fish that we keep seeing is a betta fish, a fish known for their fighting tendencies. Another thing about these fishes are they're extremely territorial, which is why they need large spaces for themselves and why if you put two betta fishes together, they will fight.

What's interesting is that we can see how this fish represents the ML and the MC in different ways.

The ML is extremely territorial; he has cameras in his homes to watch our MC, he isolated (in a very extreme way) the MC so the MC will become dependent on him (which I will get to later) and he is, in a way only to himself, competitive in getting MC. We can see this throughout the manwha, how he binds the MC to him and especially in the backstory chapter. Honestly, this is the only aspect I can think of that relates the ML to the betta fish.

The interesting ones are all to the MC.

Like the fish, our MC is a beta. In the first chapter, we see the ML grasp the MC in his hands and crush it within his hands. You can interpret this how you want; either it means our ML broke our MC and in my way, how it means ML finally got MC in his hands by turning him into an omega by essentially trapping him in his hands. The interesting thing is, betta fishes in the right conditions CAN change genders. Just like how the ML conditions the MC's body with the pills he made the MC take for nine years (which I'm pretty sure was made possible because his family owns a pharmaceutical company).

Another is the 'territory' the ML made for the MC. Like I said, the ML continuously monitors the MC. In fact, almost everything is transparent to the ML just like how the betta fish is clearly displayed in the living room. No matter what the MC does, the ML knows and is always within his expectations (in the betta fish's case, in the confines of the large aquarium).

Second, the fish is in blue water. You might think "Well duh, that's like the usual color of water what's your point?" Think about it, what other thing is blue and has been a reoccuring imagery throughout the manwha? The ML's pheromones. Like he said, he surrounded the MC for years in his pheromones just like how the fish is surrounded (and dependent which the MC will undoubtedly be to the ML's pheromones) by the blue waters in its large, confining aquarium. Basically like the fish which can't live without water, MC will be unable to live without the ML's pheromones and the ML himself.

And lastly, the MC's imagery of being underwater. The clever thing the author did is making the color of the pheromones so like water. So in that panel where the MC is overwhelmed and seemed to be drowning in his guilt and confusion, it was a double imagery of him also being surrounded by the ML's pheomones. Like the betta fish, he's dependent on the water that is ML's pheromones. What's very cool about it is that if he does save himself from this drowning by leaving the ML and finding the truth, he won't be able to live anymore because he's already dependent on the ML. He either breaks himself to madness when he leaves and questions things (which the ML conditioned him to never do) or he just stays in the ML's territory made for him, happy and oblivious but still confined.

That's it. Just a lil' ramble lol.

I have so much to say about this manwha. And they're not all good things

THE BAD

- The romance: the romance between the main character Cho-Ah and the ML Mujin is the worst I've ever seen. It completely toppled Black Lotus on my ranking of "Most Frustrating BL Ships". The chemistry is just.. it's STUPID. I know psychological ships don't follow legal/common sense but it has to AT LEAST make sense and likeable enough for it to have chemistry. This ship has NONE of that.
- cont.: This is a glaring plot hole in the manwha. And for a BL, it's something that should not exist. The factors are there to build this great psychological ship but it's not utilized by the author. I'll explain by describing the characters.
- Cho-A. The MC (shou, bottom, uke). The worst kind of character to exist: stupidly naive. For a character that gets repeatedly (CONTENT WARNING: sexual assault/rape) sexually assaulted by NUMEROUS people you'd think he'd at least be wary. But no! He never fucking learns! He has this seemingly blind trust in the ML (Mujin) but it's actually (in my opinion) his savior complex at play. He has FOUR love interests and cheated with TWO of them despite having an "official" boyfriend (Mujin). It's dubious consent but the way it was handled and the way he treats it makes it like he,,, fuck I can't believe I'm saying this,,, he's so hypocritical of his affection for Mujin. It feels disgusting to see him be like "No guys I can't do this >:( I have a boyfriend" while simultaneously being casual about the fact that 1. he just had sex with this person he just met (under the influence of an aphrodisiac courtesy of said new person) and 2. make out with his ex (he was seduced but still, make up your mind). The other love interest (a title that should probably not exist for this character) is a psychopath who threatened him and raped him because he's obsessed with Mujin. But the way the author made him entangle with Cho-A is not good at all. That's why he's in this grey area of love interest. Cho-A has some good points but it's completely overshadowed by these scenes where he's like a white lotus (in my opinion).
- Mujin. In my opinion, is one of the most complex and wasted character ever created. I think the author nailed his character of being this God and Human and his contribution to the story is absolutely monumental. He is the titular main character (he's Sura) and lives up to the role. He's thought provoking and he's interesting; his backstory is very complex and deep and his obsession with normality has logical reasoning behind it (and one of my favorite plot tbh). But he's confined in this box where he's this obsessive lover of Cho-A and whose common sense deteriorates because of Cho-A. He could have been so much more; he has the foundation for a very remarkable main character but it's all overshadowed by the romantic/useless sex scenes pushed down our throats. He's psychopathic and as an ML is a definite red flag. Which contributes to his ship with Cho-A being unbearable to read.
- The romance. Is absolute dog-shit. J can't root for them, I just can't! Cho-A has a personality of a naively stupid white lotus. He feels hypocritical! He's so bland compared to Mujin's deep and rich character. Usually it's the MC who's full of personality and not the ML but this one is reversed. Mujin as a character is great, but as an ML? Nah. He's the worst. He repeatedly takes what he wants and kills who he wants without mercy, even at the cost of Cho-A's happiness. They're all measures of fucked up but it's the kind of fucked up that you cannot find anything to root for.
- cont. the whole foundation of the romance lies entirely with Mujin. His makes sense. He's obsessed with Cho-A because Cho-A is his ideal personification of a calm and normal life. He's obsessed with normal and empathy, both which Cho-A represents and shows him. Cho-A on the other hand can't give us a straight answer on WHY he's with Mujin. The author tries to cover up this plot hole by addressing it but not answering it at all. Cho-A just keeps repeating "Mujin is my lover... I musn't forget" which reinforces the reasons WHY he shouldn't be with him in the first place! He clings to Mujin, makes Mujin cling to him, but he says this line while simultaneously cheating with his ex? Make it make sense! In my observation, Cho-A has a savior complex which is the reason why he has "blind trust" and empathy towards Mujin. He's Mujin's "light" and therefore his savior. This reason completely degrades the romance because the way it was handled/utilized by the author presents the direct opposite.
- What I mean is, the author tries to convince you that Cho-A has always loved Mujin (because of pure love and understanding) and Mujin has always loved Cho-A as his light but it's simply a relationship of self-satisfaction. I would have enjoyed if the author took this (obvious) route instead. The hypocritical nature of their relationship makes me wish that this wasn't a BL at all with how much I skipped their scenes.
- The repetition. Don't get me wrong, I love repitition as a device to show how irredeemable a character is but the repetition got on my nerves. Especially on the romance. It never improves. At all. They always get back to square one. It's a constant cycle of questioning, trying to clarify, lying, getting exposed, glossing over the problem, then back to questioning and over and over again. Cho-A's repeated naive and stupid actions (and judgements) were frustrating to the point of stressing me THE FUCK out. It reminds me so much of True Beauty's repetition and we all know how much of a shit manwha that was.

THE GOOD

- The Plot. No, not the romantic plot. The Serious Plot. The plot of Mujin Self vs Sura Self. Absolutely well done. Handled well, the imagery was wonderful, not much was said but enough was given. 5 stars all around. The political struggles of the current palace? Flavorful. The crown prince's part of this plot was absolutely stunning to watch. He's what Mujin should have been. Analytical, shrewd, and purposeful. The only times he was useless in my opinion was when the author paired him with Cho-A (like seriously, what the fuck was that?). The secret of Cho-A's father of him trying to assassinate Mujin? A true shock and a great foundation for Mujin's character growth. It showed why he's distrustful, it showed why Mujin hated him because of his selfishness as a doctor. I'd say that this dead character probably had more plot relevance compared to Cho-A. Literally, if the romantic plot was completely discarded the Serious Plot would have absolutely made this a true art. A shame it was wasted due to the stupid romantic aspect.
- The art. Absolutely stunning. I love the colors, the imagery, the miniscule details. The artist is a gem and I wish them all the forehead kisses in the world.

All in all, don't read this if you want stress. I DO NOT recommend.

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