This chapter was beautiful and painful at the same time. All this time, shizu had been sil...

This chapter was beautiful and painful at the same time. All this time, shizu had been silently watching hiiragi, but never pushed him for anything. To shizu, hiiragi is like a glittering pebble that he had tucked in a sandbox. He had been cherishing hiiragi all his life. He finally said something which had been on his mind for years. He has watched hiiragi looking at yuki and mafuyu and thinks that he was in love with yuki too. Shizu is so convinced that hiiragi was in love with yuuki, that even when hiiragi told him he loves shizu, he didn't believe him. If you see things from shizu's perspective, it feels like you're watching the one you love watching, admiring someone else. Even though, he thinks that it is an unrequited love, he left his handball club just to be there for hiiragi. He is wiling to throw away his whole life even though he is sure that it is going to be a lifelong struggle. Without being in a romantic relationship, shizuragi is so intimate with each other like how Hiiragi slept so close to him when he was crying because he couldn't find mafuyu, and when he met and properly talked to mafuyu after a long time, he went back to shizu and slept using shizu's chest as a pillow. All this time, shizu never took advantage of hiiragi's vulnerability. He showed him kindness and was always there for him without asking anything in return. He never had any intention to confess to hiiragi. He would've cherished him all his life. And if shizu hadn't asked hiiragi about his feeling for yuuki and said those harsh words, Hiiragi would not have confessed either.
We all know that hiiragi's feeing are genuine, but shizu doesn't. So from his POV, hiiragi's confession seemed abrupt and not genuine. Like it could be seen as a way to avoid exactly what you don't want to talk about. for example - Hiiragi answered shizu's questions by asking shizu a question in return-- Like this...
Shizu: "you seemed like you were having so much fun ever since yuuki invited you to join the band "
Hiiragi: "shizu, you were having fun too".
Shizu: "you were in love with yuki, weren't you?"
Hiiragi: "I'm in love with you though!?".
There is no way his confession would reach shizu who thinks there is no way someone would ever love him.
Further, shizu tried to test hiiragi's feelings by trying to kiss him, but he gave importance to hiiragi's feelings who was so not ready for the kiss, so he never closed the last inch between them. The real reason as to why hiiragi was not ready for the kiss was because everything that happened that day was unexpected. It was too much for him. But it must've hurt shizu so much. Hiiragi would have let shizu kiss him, but shizu would never take advantage of hiiragi because he will "do whatever hiiragi wants,", that is why he told hiiragi to" think it thorough".
It's painful to see Hiiragi crying but it's even more painful to see shizu not showing any expressions on his face. he is hurt too, but he can't express himself. He hurt the most precious person in his life. All his life, he had no one to rely on, not parents, not friends. That could be the reason why he answered hiiragi with just "is that so" or "I see", cause he never experienced being loved by someone.
But he didn't make light of hiiragi's confession, he kneeled down in front of him and asked him what he does he want? Because he will do whatever hiiragi wishes. Even though he spoke such harsh words, his gestures are so gentle. He left hiiragi crying like this for the first time in his life, because he can't help hiiragi with sorting out his feelings. It might have hurt shizu so much to leave hiiragi like that. But it was necessary, now that hiiragi is alone, he is thinking about his feelings toward yuuki and shizusumi.
I felt bad for hiiragi too, he finally confessed his feelings , but shizu didn't react to his confession. It was like he was rejected, because he always thought that shizu is no---t interested in him.
I love how shizu asks what hiiragi wants to do but he is already holding hiiragi's hands even before hiiragi said it in his mind, it just shows how much shizu knows hiiragi. Also, shizu told him the difference between deep platonic love and romantic/sexual love.
By saying, " loving someone also means putting it in", he isn't saying that they need to have sex to be in love with each other, But that there is a difference between deep friendship and romantic love and wanting to be with a best friend and spending your life with a romantic partner. If hiiragi wants to keep the boundary between them shizu will silently comply.
In the end hiiragi says "is shizusumi really this kind of guy?". I'm not sure but I think shizu always shows his best side to hiiragi. He might not be a kind person, but he is kind when it comes to hiiragi. We've seen him interacting with mafuyu, and shizu seemed a little intimidating.
Hiiragi is the only one of the four who has both parents. But I think he was a neglected child.That would explain his bratty and attention seeking personality. He always asks shizu to " show a little interest in him". Always acting like he is so mature in front of others and abruptly breaking down in front of shizu. In the flashbacks when they were kids, it was always like how mafuyuki were always together, and hiiragi always complaining because he'd felt left out. But when he would end up together with shizu, he might've started showing his vulnerable side to shizu. That's how shizu became hiiragi's babysitter.
Shizu and Hiiragi deserves so much love.Hiiragi is so cute like a cat. Shizu, in my opinion, is so mature for his age. I love him so much.
There are many things hiiragi has to think about without shizu being by his side, like his feelings toward yuki and shizu. And most importantly, it seems like he didn't get time to properly mourn his friend's death, because after yuki died, he lost mafuyu too. Instead of mourning his friend's death, he was looking for mafuyu cause he was so worried about mafuyu.