Welllll technically she wasn’t a good parent in the first place, so it wouldn’t be odd if she didn’t know how to properly become a good one right away. As she’s never really approached her son before, it makes sense that she’s doing it in a strange way. I feel like this is a learning experience for her too as a mother.
Most of these going back in times stories have the type of thing where the MC goes back into the pat and automatically knows everything they should do and how to properly do it. In this case, I feel it’s more realistic as she shows how she has no idea how to become closer right away
As someone who studied psychology and still studying psychiatry, what she did is not just strange, but wrong. 10 years of child neglect had surely brought the child trauma. He will be sensitive to whatever sudden change she will bring, especially when she’s the root cause of the trauma. It’s like when you made a comfort world by yourself, then the person who caused you into making it comes and suddenly shakes and breaks it. You will be left confused and you will panic. And I disagree about making this a learning experience as a mother. No one should ever make contact with children with trauma a learning experience. Only people who have been trained are enabled to have contact with them. Since she has no experience, she should have at least approached him once she planned everything. Her actions are like saying, “Hi I regretted everything so now you will suddenly have a mother, and accepting me is the only option.” She should have taken it slow, maybe 1 year of gradual change, and when he’s used to her and has given assent, all sudden changes for the remaining 2 years will be welcome.
Apologizing first does not suddenly make you a good mother. It does not equate to being a good parent. But people always forget the simple fact that if you did something bad, you have to say sorry first, then repent after. Apologizing is not a characteristic of a good parent but of a good person. Child neglect is bad, and she knows that she has not talked to to her son for so many years. She knows that communication is the problem, and yet she doesn’t start from there. She knows that the problem lies with her, and yet she didn’t contemplate on why. She should have started with that question and planned on her approach. I know that she’s not really a bad person. She’s not a villainess unlike the other reincarnator or life repeater stories. And I appreciate her intentions. But children with trauma will never appreciate this kind of approach.
Yeah well I never disagreed that she was a bad parent lol. Just saying that she doesn’t automatically know what she should do and the exact right things to do as soon as she returns to the past. She didn’t study psychology, psychiatry- so it would make sense she doesn’t realize what approaches to take.
This is still fiction, so how they grow close won’t be realistic- and I’ve checked the raws and it already looks like her approaches are somewhat working.
If you have read other stories set in this time period, a lot of the nobles aren’t actually good parents. Most of them are actually pretty bad. They don’t usually raise their own kid directly and use a nanny, they make their children go through rough education and make sure they’re perfect. She’s definitely not the only bad parent in this story, it only seems that she is- because they only showed her side of the story. I don’t really think it’ll work to apply modern knowledge to fictional old times. She didn’t transmigrate from the modern world and knows how to apply good communication, she only went back in time (meaning she’s the same person with nearly the same mindset).
And what I mean by learning experience for her, is that she has to grow and learn about what she did wrong, what she could do better, etc. The son will also learn more about his own mother too as time goes by. She’s not a professional and someone who knows about psychology. Even now, there are plenty of parents in the world who don’t know what they’re doing and aren’t perfect- but they sometimes can learn to become better
If you want to read a story where it focuses more on slowly forming a bond between a child and parent and helping them, it would be better to read CEO's Sudden Proposal. The FL there is at least smart and is a doctor
When I mentioned having studied psychology and psychiatry, I didn’t expect her to suddenly be a professional. I just mentioned them to validly explain the mindset of a child with trauma and the things a person should do when approaching him/her, and to emphasize that sudden changes in their lives are not welcome. I also know that parenting during this time period is not good, especially when they are of a higher household. The expectations on the children during this era become higher when they are of a higher status in the society after all. Children were pressured into excellence since their births, and their growth and development were all hurried.
However, I have mentioned that since she has no experience, she should have planned everything before approaching his son. Contemplating on why she considered herself as a bad parent and where it went wrong is where she should have started. You don’t have to be trained to know and do that. Apologizing is not only done in the modern times. I understand that she may commit a lot of mistakes since she is just a normal girl. I don’t even know if apologizing when you make mistakes is covered in their etiquette studies. But those are not excuses since people from this time period still expect an apology when a person has commited a blunder against them. Moreover, making a child study a lot is not a characteristic of a bad parent in the aristocracy period. Having a nanny take care of your children is also not a characteristic, even in the modern times. They were considered normal. What made her a bad parent is that she hated her child and completely neglected him, which is not a common parenting characteristic even in this time period.
I still do not know how she was brought up and how her relationship with her parents work, but maybe those are factors why she never thought of apologizing. I know that this is fiction, but I still made a comment because there are people who might misunderstood how one should deal with children with trauma.
I’ll check this out. Thank you for the recommendation.
Apologizing first to her son for neglecting him for so many years and telling him that she’s repenting and that she wants to make up for all the lost years is what she should have done if you ask me.
Suddenly invading a child’s life after 10 years of child neglect (He was 5 years old before she stated the “I hated you” part and now he’s 15) is a selfish thing to do. She should have asked for the child’s feelings and asked him how she could make up for everything. She should be asking for the child’s assent before invading his self-made esteem and comfort.