ahh.

i really liked this one. it felt like all those times i cried while reading a manga, don’t compare to reading this because this is real. this is what someone went through. i myself don’t feel normal. i’m still fairly young, i’m not sure if i want to be a woman, man, both, neither, gay, straight, or bisexual. but this manga really made me feel like no matter what or who i choose to be, i can still be happy. i can still go out and make friends, build relationships, just be me and be okay.
i vividly remember in my elementary school years seeing some of my classmates mention liking gay or trans characters in a show, or saying they themselves felt like they were into the same sex. i may have said some comments or questions that may have hurt them, i remember always asking “why do you like them”, and to this day i feel guilty and disappointed, but now understanding what i said wrong i’d like to apologize to them someday. looking back i was also easily influenced by small minded people, i didn’t have any friends before that school year, i was always very closed off and introverted. i believed that all friends had the same mindset and that i should always stick with my friends. so i have many regrets. i was young and stupid and didn’t know the difference between gay and not gay. i was really curious about the lgbt+ community, but no one talked about it, no one told me anything, other than the proper slurs, and that is was not normal.
it’s not until i got to my last year in middle school, that i started doing my own research. i got mad and frustrated at my friends who constantly brought down the happy couples waking around the halls, but more so myself for not doing anything about it. i distanced myself from those friends, we don’t speak to this day. it’s not until late 2019 i started noticing the hints i’ve felt since those elementary years. i too don’t feel like i belong. i always wanted to join those groups of people who were really open about themselves and ask how and why they are how they are. not as an insult, but because i want to know. i want to know if the questions they asked themselves are the ones i’ve asked myself. if they ever felt wrong with their friends too.
i hope everyone who also made the wrong decisions i’ve made come to learn what they did wrong, and how they can fix their mistakes.
this manga gives me a lot of hope for myself and for others struggling or feeling like they aren’t normal.