I re-read..

I re-read. Till 3a in the morning. This story is like wine, getting better with time.

Their sex scene is the most beautiful and poignant I've ever read. It bothers me when Yashiro recalls the abuse of his stepdad in the middle of the starkly contrasted sex. I tried to understand his decision of not accepting Doumeki. Yashiro said he's lived accepting it all, blame/envy no one, feel no sorrow. He looked like it didn't cross his mind that he was unhappy or that he was pitied upon. I think that's how he survives and deal with shits. However, there're 2 times he was made to acknowledge how pitiful he is. One when Kageyama told him straight out, and another is sex with Doumeki. The only times he ever cried. Accepting Doumeki is like accepting the truth about how pitiful and sad and lonely it all has been. Doumeki's love, gentleness and devotion trample on the core of his survival mechanism. The moment he let Hirata taking his life without fighting back is the saddest moment I ever felt in a manga.