rant for whoever wants to hear my shit :)

i cannot explain to you how much this manga and movie has done for me. when i watched it for the first time, sure i cried, but it was years ago and i wasnt really paying attention to what was going on. a few years later, i rewatched it out of bordem at 3am while on vacation (i was sharing a room with my brother). that was one of the hardest cries i've had in my life. it woke my brother up and he told me to shut up haha. but seriously, you have no idea how much i can relate to this movie / manga. i used to be a bully. a complete asshole. i was the definition of toxic. i hurt so many people. and honestly, karma's a bitch. i ended up friendless. i was the kid that was silent all day and only ever talked to one or two people. i ate lunch in the bathroom (sounds cliche, but its true). my old friends talked so much shit about me, and i couldnt even get mad at them cause i knew i deserved it. im 13 now, and yesterday i watched it for the third time with my best friend. im a completely different person, with an amazing group of friends who forgave me for my past actions, and understood that i had changed. everyone talks about the firework scene, but for me, it was the ending that really hit me the most. when the "x"'s finally come off of everyone's faces for him, i cried like never before. my friend held me in her arms, and i felt so so safe and content. i used to have constant thoughts of suicide (still do sometimes, but its no where near as bad) and almost attempted twice. this movie showed me that i wasn't alone, and that i wasnt a bad person for the things ive done in the past. im gonna go rewatch in now even though i have school in 4 hours :))


thank you if you actually read this,
and thank you alani rose, for being the sole reason im alive right now <3

i love you