Sigh... The stories we tell ourselves to overcome grief... ╥﹏╥
I discovered yaoi only a few months ago when I was trying to forget my sister's death. I don't know how I found Haru Wo Daite Ita, but I clung to it for dear life, re-read it multiple times in the span of a week.
And then I found 'Alive' and got to know of Katou's death. I felt like I was being punished for trying to forget death. Felt like Nitta Youka was in on some divine plan to rub the pain of losing a loved one into my consciousness.
@pumpkinmilk I want to believe your version. That Katou and Iwaki are together and will get to live again, in a better world.
I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s a super rough double gut punch.
I definitely grieved for this couple, but then I reread it all and sat with it and choosing to interpret it this way has helped a lot. That’s the good news about reading and all types of art. Readers can make it their own, and I was hoping that by sharing it, it might make others who felt betrayed feel a little better.
I wrote a longer and more detailed version (quarantine has made nutty) that left me feeling REALLY convinced my theory holds water. I adore Katou and Iwaki and I found a way to keep loving them and the series. I hope it helps you too.
I know it. It is still difficult to accept. And you are right, it was diffetent from the average yaoi one. This had a meaningful story, it depicted a healthy relationship and what it meant to be truly loved. I still cannot get over its end.
I definitely think and want to believe that your theory holds true. Even though at the first glance, Iwaki and Katou are just actors who are portraying the roles of Akizuki and Kasuka in Fuyu no Semi, the narrative definitely suggested that the two of them are indeed reincarnations. Fuyu no Semi was also released halfway into Haru wo (vol 5) which makes me believe there must be a purpose Youka Nitta sensei created and added that part of the story (i.e. why would she just randomly make them suddenly act in that drama, there has to be some kind of symbolism and relevance to the story).
I agree. Nitta is clearly fond of stories-within-stories and making life imitate the story. It’s the opening of the series: Haru Wo is the title of Sawa’s book about two porn actors who fall in love. Even though Fuyu No is only two chapters, the filming becomes central to the main story. There are just so many parallels that it couldn’t possibly be just a coincidence.
I’ve written a bit more about this since I posted this, specifically about the parallel between Akizuki and Kusaka’s overemphasis on and unfulfilled desire to live together and Katou and Iwaki’s overemphasis on and unfulfilled desire to get legally married. I really think the fact that both relationships ended improved-but-dissatisfied is oddly optimistic that Alive wasn’t really the end. Maybe Nitta won’t write any more, but it’s enough for me to cling to.
Beautiful - in-depth synopsis and interpretation! I saved what you wrote to reference it after I read the final chapter.
I really appreciate your thoughts on this and it does help to frame it in a better light.
I've wondered about Winter Cicada's role in the bigger picture since I first cried over it. At the time it seemed bizarre to me that Cicada's full story was included, but I wrote it off as a passion project. It's been years since I read it (or the first series) so it wasn't on my mind when I learned about Alive's ending, which shocked me to tears. I tried to empathize as a writer but could only get as far as "Well...it's her story, she can do what she wants."
Considering Cicada as a prequel rather than a story-within-a-story shifts my perspective. (And I just saw the cover for Summer Cicada, so I think you're onto something.)
thank you for this this made me view the ending in a different light
Like everyone else, I felt super betrayed by Katou's death. Katou x Iwaki are the original OTP of a healthy BL couple and that is why they are so precious to the community. This series was a turning point in BL by showing two Seme-like partners who build an actual life together. The drama centers around their loving and healthy relationship and careers instead of usual BL silliness or angst. So, to kill Katou felt like an enormous punch in the gut. They were supposed to get their happily ever after. After all, if not them, then who? If Iwaki and Katou can't be happy forever in the Yaoiverse then what hope does anyone else have? I think Youka Nitta messed up majorly.
Or did she?
Frankly, I don't know if this was her actual intention, and honestly, I don't even care. If she didn't mean it this way, she freaking should have:
Let me start with the title: Embracing Love. Haru Wo is the story of Iwaki embracing his love for Katou. He begins the series with a lot of shame around being an AV actor and having feelings for Katou. Katou never has this internal struggle. It's important to remember Iwaki's starting point.
I think the ending of Alive is meant to parallel Fuyu No Semi/Winter Cicada. Katou and Iwaki are reincarnations of Kasuka and Akizuki. That was established in Haru Wo. In Fuyu No Semi, Kusaka/Katou became a politician and specifically stated he was doing it to create a world where Kusaka and Akizuki, who were from opposing clans, could embrace their love for each other openly.
In the epilogue, Iwaki also beaome a politician and a gay rights activist. He never took another lover, but for someone who started the series with so much shame, it was MAJOR character development that Iwaki's professional life and legacy became centered around his not-exactly-gay identity. Even without Katou by his side, Iwaki continued to embrace his love for Katou. That's huge.
BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE. What else happened in Fuyu No Semi? Unfortunately, Kusaka couldn't bear to live without Akizuki and killed himself before making any successful social changes. Well, Iwaki did find a way to live without Katou and actually succeeded in legalizing gay marriage and DID make a world where his relationship with Katou would be accepted. I think this is why Katou expressed gratitude to Iwaki for living his life well. Iwaki achieved something Kusaka could not.
BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE. Akizuki/Iwaki had that soliloquy about wishing they lived in a world where they could have a happy life together forever and makes the Winter Cicada analogy about how their relationship is akin to hibernating/sleeping. Before Kusaka plunged that knife into himself, he said something about how he believed they would be reincarnated together into a more accepting world and get the time they deserved together. Iwaki and Katou are the reincarnations of Kusaka and Akizuki. This establishes Iwaki and Katou have a relationship that can span multiple lifetimes.
Somewhere along the way in Fuyu No Semi, Akizuki makes a comment about wishing they had more time together. And in Haru Wo, Katou and Iwaki DO get more time together. A lot more time. I think Akizuki and Katou only really had 4 years but Akuzuki was basically imprisoned that whole time. But Katou and Iwaki were together, for what? 10 or 15 years? I'm not super clear on the timeline, but point being, they were happy for the time that they had.
WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE OPTIMISTIC PART: Seeing Iwaki and Katou fly off together, I don't think this was implying they were going to heaven. I think it implies that they're going to be reincarnated again. Because today, gay marriage is illegal in Japan so there was always this undertone of sadness in their relationship. They had social acceptance (mostly), but not legal acceptance. This life was far, far better than the one in Fuyu No Semi, but with all of the parallels, I believe they're going to get a 3rd chance to be happy together forever in a future Japan, that Iwaki helped create.
Iwaki struggled to embrace Katou's love just as Japan struggles to embrace love between two men. While the audience has watched Iwaki's transformation the past 20 years, Youka Nitta has been watching the world's transform.
I think Iwaki and Katou will have peace. Their love has spanned multiple lifetimes and will continue to do so. Their souls have been looking for an era where they can truly be together, and next time, they will. They will be able to 100% embrace each other without political obstacles and without social obstacles. Our boys will be happy. Next time.
I'M NOT CRYING YOU'RE CRYING. (A total lie. I cried my eyes out 3 different times writing this.)
(I am so so curious to hear anyone's thoughts on this.)