![](https://pic1.mangapicgallery.com/r/avatar/4e/u638548_50x50.jpg?2)
I may be wrong, but I tried to understand the seme's point of view. So this Is my interpretation:
The fact that the uke was hurt was the straw that broke the camel, and not the only factor. Imagine everything from seme's perspective. He fall in love with his childhood friend who is a man, older and gives this "big brother" vibes. The seme probably tried to stop this feelings, but puberty started and that desire became larger and larger. So he probably couldn't deny it to himself anymore, and couldn't /stop/ feeling, so he faced two options: go forward or go backwards. He tried to put distance between them, but it didn't work (i think he said so in one of the chapters), so he has all this desire, this urge and love for someone that didn't and won't look at him that way, because he's "his childhood friend". That's why the seme tells the uke he doesn't need "that kind of like", because it hurts.
So he acts on an impulse, rapes the guy he claims to like, and leaves, because he understands he messed up. He knows what he did was wrong, he's just too twisted and too absorted in his own needs that he doesn't have the time to care for what's the uke suffering through right now.
The seme lacks emotional intelligence and didn't even /try/ to properly court the uke. He just assumed that the uke would never change and, instead of risking and going through the difficult path, he gave an ultimatum, giving all the responsability of fix or destroy their relationship to the uke. And that's just unfair.
I just wanna hug the big guy and tell him everything Is gonna be okay (╥﹏╥)
Like, I'm not gonna lie, I came looking for good smut with an uncommon couple, but, damn, I feel for the big guy. I look at his innocent face and I just want to hug him.
I'm getting worried, because "everything is so gray" looks like the first signals of depression and ughhhhh. That seme. I can understand him, in a way I guess, and he's still human. (His action are still shit, though. You don't just rape the person you love. That's selfish, egocentric and toxic, you piece of shit.) Yuma seems to have no supporting roles in his life. Maybe his co-workers, but aside from that, he dedicated great part of his life to take care of the seme. And now his job, the one that he loved and made him want to wake up everyday with a smile on his face? Now, it looks like he's losing it too.
I understand the seme. I really do. It'd have to be hard for him to be in the friendzone for so long, but I can't feel bad for him. Not now. That person who dedicated great part of his time, and life, and put himself in danger, all because of the little guy, is suffering in a way that's more difficult to explain and more painful than a physical wound. Ughh, it hits a little bit too close to home, because I really feel the depression starting there. And that shit only gets worse with time.
The seme wants to be seen as an adult. Then he should start acting like one.
I'm expecting the seme to freaking apologyze. My hopes are not too high, because the rape trope is way too used and not taken as seriously as it actually is in manga, but still.
Ughh, well, I just want the big guy to be happy again (╥﹏╥)