A Smile I Needed

im proud of you for coming out :D

So proud of youu!!

Thanks...I'm still kinda stressed out. My parents started asking if that meant I supported pedophilia, said I was being influenced by my friends, that I was just acting too privileged, that I was part of a community that was supporting sex trafficking, that LGBTQ+ was basically part of some people's agenda to overtake the government and make money, that I was straying too far from the path of God. My dad even went and said that I didn't know crap about the real world and my mom said that it was normal for girls to be confused and have "crushes" on other girl but that they just grow out of it. My mom called Grandma and they prayed for me. They also said they were giving me one week to see if I was still calling myself pansexual.

Oh, and when I was explaining what pansexual meant they said, "oh you are attracted even to the fake gender because only male and female are real." A smack in the face to a gender fluid like me. They wouldn't even let me explain what being gender fluid was. Aso, when I said that I had an asexual friend they said that the friend wasn't old enough to know if they would have sex later in life. They said I wasn't old enough to know what my sexuality was.

In the end, one day, I might be able to get them to understand that I'm serious about being Pansexual but they won't ever understand or accept me being gender fluid. But, I'm determined to show them that I will get good grades (I already do expect for algebra because neither of my parents are good at teaching it), get accepted into a good college, and one have a steady career...all while staying to my gender and sexual identity and prove them wrong.

Always do the best that you can and show them that you're still you and prove that they're wrong! im rooting for you!!!

super proud of you!! giving you best wishes and happiness for the future!

Remember this: the family is not always necessarily the one we were born into but the one we will build and choose for ourselves. Even if it seems difficult now, one day you will have people next to you who will love you EXACTLY for ALL you are, not who will love you DESPITE who you are.


Sorry my English sucks a bit but I have lived the same thing and I wanted to tell you, I swear to you, it will get better.

Stay strong <3

Im rooting for u!! And hella proud!!! I wish u all the gud things sis :)

First of all your English is amazing and second of all...thank you. That really made my day.

It was a pleasure <3

Can I use that quote for a book I'm writing?

Of course <3!
How are you today?

Honestly, not very well. There is a lot of tension in my family currently and I have to deal with a lot of shit. I'm trying to understand whether I should break up with the person I'm dating (actually I probably should but I don't have the mental compassity to deal with while on the other hand I really don't have the mental compassity to be in a relationship. Not to mention I almost 100% sure I have an inferiority complex which is leading to a steep decline in mental heath. I'm starting to have self harming though though I've only choked myself a few time with my hands. My only escape is fiction but BL and manga/anime is strictly prohibited so I have to keep it a secret. I'm failing in algebra (mostly because my mom can't teach it that well and I keep making simple mistakes) to the point where my parents are having me restart and have threatened to put me in pre algebra (which I aced already.) I've never had such a hard time before and it's really stressful. I'm barely hanging in some days. But, hopefully eventually thing will get better one day.

In everyday life, do you have someone next to you to talk to as openly as you are doing here? After reading about self-harm, every part of me also wants to tell you to go and talk to a specialist, who will help you and give you support. It's not a shame you know, we all go through horrible times and there's nothing wrong with asking for help.
In the country where I live it can be done in secret, in structures that help young people with frailties and in their difficult times. Is there such a place where you live? Or at school, don't you have a psychologist to support students? You look so young and my heart hurts so much to feel you wrapped in this cloud of black thoughts. You deserve the best. You must find within yourself the strength to react and help yourself to get help. Please write here about yourself from time to time. I will read you.

P.s. My English always sucks a bit.