i get it, little to no BDSM representation in manga (at least as far as i’ve seen) are ever proper portrayals. especially in yaoi, and that’s mainly because this is a genre that already regularly revolves around taboo themes like rape, incest, dubious consent, abuse, among other things. it’s unfortunate, because a lot of people don’t have any real prior knowledge of BDSM and end up taking what they see in these manga at face value.
so unfortunately, when authors use BDSM in yaoi (and straight manga too sometimes but i haven’t read many of those) it’s just in addition to already taboo and harmful themes and practices, which incriminates BDSM as something bad or abusive. it sucks :/
You're talking to someone who's been reading yaoi for since 2008. I am very aware of its faults. So much of yaoi has the potential to be great! I get angry because I see stories that have the potential to do well but are ruined by rape, incest, abusive relations, etc. There's yaoi manga that's rushed and has little to no substance to it. People like to say that it's just porn, but this is just ridiculous. Porn has very little plot. It has some exposition to set up the scene, but then it gets to the sex and ends. Yaoi has chapters and chapters developing characters and establishing backstories. That is not porn. If a reader is reading yaoi for the sex, they will be bored most of the time. You would have to stick to one-shots or manga that comprise mostly of sex scenes.
I believe mangaka are fully capable of creating yaoi that is doesn't have rape or incest in it, is not vague at all about consent and is erotic and entertaining. I can't be the only one who would rather see characters enjoying sex than see them crying and screaming for it to stop, right? BDSM is misrepresented in some many movies, books, etc. outside of manga. So it's not just in yaoi that this is seen which is unfortunate. People in the BDSM community are never listened to when it comes to this and they are treated like abusers when this kind of work is put out. Mangaka carry responsibility for their work. Most people do not know a lot about BDSM. That is fine. It is irresponsible for authors to continuously depict BDSM in a harmful light. If they are ignorant then they need to do their own research. I hope that people do their own research into BDSM as well instead of thinking that this is an accurate representation. It is a shame, this could have been amazing.
Speaking of "taking things at face value", I have seen people say that they thought that men's buttholes are self-lubricating. This goes to show how impressionable the readers are to the content that they are consuming. I'm sure there are readers who think that gay people really behave like they do in yaoi. Most people start off young to yaoi. I was 13 when I started. They are ignorant about sex in general much less gay sex. So this stuff is going to influence their perceptions of reality, of gay people, of gay relationships, etc. I'm just hoping that they get more exposure to real gay people and educate themselves on the LGBTQIA+ community to get a better understanding of what reality actually is.
@itbelikethat I meant to send this as a reply. Whoops!
it’s okay i still got the notification from the thread anyway! yeah the self lubricating thing is ridiculous, but it just goes to show how some people will just take any media they consume for its word, without any questioning or further research. although i’ve only recently gotten into yaoi manga/manhwa, i have been seeing the other side of this coin for years: fan-fiction. so i’ve seen/read a lot in the last few years. just like in manga, some have good representations of these relationships (lgbtq+, BDSM, etc.) and others are very obviously not.
fan-fiction is what got me to doing my own research into BDSM (i’m by no means an expert or anything, i’m just very curious and interested for the future), but it’s pretty obvious others won’t. either because it won’t interest them or they just believe how it’s depicted in things like this.
it’s sucks because i’ve seen these depictions scare people off in a lot of comment sections with the misrepresentation and misinformation.
and you’re right, i feel like at this point authors and mangakas have a responsibility to start accurately portraying BDSM and for goodness sake some healthy relationships. these are real communities affected by their portrayals in media.
[PLEASE READ TILL THE END TO HAVE A MEANINGFUL DISCUSSION]
This didn't portray BDSM correctly at all! BDSM is built on consent. Remember this acronym dear children: FRIES
Freely Given
Reversible
Informed
Enthusiastic
Specific
1. Freely Given
This means that there was no coercion involved. No substances were forced on the individual such as alcohol to get them to a state where they would say something that they don't actually mean. In the manga, Akihito is drunk when he says that he is willing to have Shizuru do anything to him. Meaning that he is unable to give consent as he is not in his right mind. Shizuru had nothing to do with Akihito's alcohol intake prior to their meeting, but he could certainly take advantage of the situation and use it to his advantage. The fact that Akihito woke up with no initial memory of what happen only further proves that the "decision" he made was not a legitimate one and was not to be taken as actual consent.
2. Reversible
Most yaoi fail miserably at this. The seme says, "Even if you say 'no' later on I won't stop," or some iteration of that. This is not consent. You have the right to revoke your consent at anytime and for any reason. If you don't want to do it five minutes later, that is your right. If you get hungry, sleepy, feel sick, or whatever--it's your body and your right to say when you want to stop. This is especially important in a scene (BDSM lingo). You need a safe word to signal to the other that you want to stop. All parties need one. This is not only for the sub, but also for the dom/me and any other participants as well.
3. Informed
This manga does this terribly. You need to know what you are consenting to. You can NOT spring shit up randomly. If you're doing a scene with your dom/me and they start paddling you when you two never agreed upon this, then that is a break of consent. Most people write up a contract and make sure that everything is confirmed before engaging in the scene. This very important. It is not up to one party to decide what happens. That is going against individual autonomy and highly unethical. Shizuru telling Akihito that he was just going to have to do whatever he says in the playroom is absolutely fucking ridiculous. Akihito has no fucking clue what Shizuru could do. He could fucking electrocute him or do blood play with him or put him in a body bag. BDSM gets very fucking dark and gets very dangerous if you don't know what you're doing. You have the right to know what is happening to your body. How the hell can you give consent when you don't know what it is that you're consenting to.
I know my shit when it comes to BDSM. Akihito did not. He needed to be taught way before even trying anything. He obviously never dabbled in the lifestyle before (for many people it is a 24/7 thing). So he needed to be educated and not just thrown in. Informed consent requires all parties to be informed. Why the hell do I need to say this?!
4. Enthusiastic
This is really obvious. You need to be very sure that you want to do something. If you are taking forever to respond, then you don't need to do it. If you are on the fence, then you don't need to do it. Stop try to please the other party. You need to be selfish and think about yourself. This is your body. So you have every right to say no.
Akihito was very unsure in many situations because he felt torn between his feelings for Shizuru and his unfamiliarity and discomfort with Shizuru's lifestyle. "I can only love you like this." That's some bullshit right there. Yes, there are people who center BDSM as a very important and almost integral part of their life, but it is not impossible to love someone outside of your lifestyle. Sure, for some people BDSM is more of a hobby or somewhere in between. However, Shizuru gives off the 25/8 dom/master who needs to feel in control. He totally took advantage of Akihito's feelings for him in order to get him to comply with his demands.
5. Specific
This goes hand-in-hand with "Informed"
This is what I am consenting to. You need to be specific about what is being discussed. If you agreed upon a scene where there is breath play but instead are suspended and subjected to sensory deprivation then that is a violation of consent. You consented to breath play NOT sensory deprivation and suspension. "That's not what I ordered!" This manga really didn't go into specifics with their scenes which they didn't even call "scenes" because the manga posited Shizuru as the sole person able to make decisions about their play, which is goes against everything that consent is about.
In BDSM, I'm sure you've all heave of Safe Sane and Consensual (SSC). Now there has been a lot of talk over the years about how problematic this is and how it could be improved upon. The acronym RACK was created to mean "Risk Aware Consensual Kink". This essentially means that you are aware of the all of the potential risks involved in whatever type of play you are going to be engaging in and are giving your full consent (refer to FRIES). Need I remind you that another pillar of BDSM is after play. This can take numerous forms and means something different to each person who is in the BDSM community. The are general things that people can do but there are also very specific "rituals" that people will follow after they play and these can be very specific to the parties involved and their individual needs. Communication is key in this because needs can and will change so after care will look differently as a result.
This was not to bash this manga, but I cannot stand when harmful messages about BDSM are pushed in any media and more often than not the representation in the media is very misinformed which is why there are so many people praising this manga. They have absolutely no idea how inaccurate the manga was.
"But it would be boring if it was." No it wouldn't. Why do you think there are real people in BDSM?? The creator can create an interesting and accurate portrayal of BDSM. Plus you all could learn something. It's the creator who can make or break something. I've read stories about things I had no prior interest in and was sucked into it because the author wrote about it in such a way, while still being accurate to the real thing, that I was hooked and wanted to just keep learning more. Mangaka are fully capable of researching BDSM and making a well-researched and well-written story where the characters all have full agency and are enjoying themselves as a result. Akihito never got to voice what he wanted. He even had a little side thought at one point. "This seems unfair." I believe that was the approximate phrasing. Yes! It was unfair. What about his pleasure? What if Akihito wanted to try something? What if he wanted to discontinue something? Shizuru made it seem like it was his way or the highway. That is how he came across. He made it seem like a "no" to what he wanted was a "no" to their entire relationship. That was not right.
It was still entertaining and I did like it, but I don't feel right now bringing up all of those issues that were so pervasive. This manga was not long t all. If it was at least a few volumes long if not longer and was well fleshed out. Shit! I would be praising it on all of my platforms. They said five years passed. Shit, show us those five years please. Those years were material for more story goddamn it! More volumes = more money. Whatever. That's all I wanted to say.