Your words are so spot on they hurt. Thank you for sharing.
There’s just so much depth to explore in this manga, overall! Seriously so in awe of this work (and very thankful for the excellent translation). I’d say it’s the best I’ve seen at portraying how one copes with sexual abuse in one’s past. Yashiro is just trying to survive by making himself believe he wants to be hurt and degraded, that he was responsible for the ongoing assaults from his stepfather. He’s the one who’s driving the action in all his masochistic sexual exploits from that point on, to perpetuate that sense of control so that he can just survive, but not live.
I love the clear understanding you have for the characters. Great contributions in this comment section.
wait so does Yashiro really forget Doumeki or is he just pretending to try and get back to normal?
No, he hasn’t forgotten him! It was Yashiro’s attempt at breaking their attachment, and getting Doumeki to move on with his life.
okok I thought so! Man that makes me so sad especially that its been 4 years. I just want them to live happy together for ever man
So there must be something in between for there to be fulfillment and happiness. And I really hope that will be the outcome for these two! Doumeki can’t live without Yashiro, but Yashiro is consumed by Doumeki, even if he can’t admit it to himself. Ever since that fateful day in Doumeki’s apartment, I don’t think Yashiro has been able to go back to the brutal, humiliating sex he was accustomed to. I bet he’s tried to, or at least he’s putting on a front for those around him that he’s still picking up guys. But he’s not, he’s just doing it with that revolting cop, imani, in exchange for info. He’s clearly not into it. Yashiro is indelibly changed, and maybe he even resents Doumeki for that. Like everything’s easier and safer without feelings or love. Having sex with “the One” was the beginning, and opened a pathway for a flood of emotions that he didn’t want to acknowledge, which is why he suddenly thought about his stepfather. Yashiro is afraid of Doumeki because he doesn’t want to relinquish any control, to anyone.