I totally get that and that's why I made this list
http://www.mangago.zone/home/mangalist/658536/
I'm lucky to have gotten sex education from other sources than yaoi (like about condoms, stds, consent, and general rules) but it's sad to see readers being exposed to sex/smut for the first time through those types of stories. In the end, the authors are adults who aim their yaoi at an older audience and didn't intend for it to be introduced to younger people with no prior concepts.
Tbh I sorta had the same experience as u because I watched the anime first so I decided to read the manga and everytime I read the manga I always look at the comments and I was surprised when all of the comments said that this story was sugarcoated and that the seme raped him so I went to read it and realized that all of the comments were true and that the couple never did discuss on what the same did in the beginning. To sum it all up the anime maked it look like the seme did it with him with consent which he didnt
Not only that, but why do we not help younger viewers who read BL and don’t quite understand the reality of sex realize that this is a crime. I undefined some people do fantasize about some rapey aspects and as much as I’m not for it, I just sit through it anyways because I’m bored for a story. However, when I was younger I didn’t understand this at all and yet I’d look at these and be like “yes. this is the greatest story”. Hell, my go to manga to reread is The Tryant Who Fell In Love which is very much so rapey in its way of things. I’d one day like to see not only a bl comic that respects the consent rule but also explores what’s not ok in a low key fashion.
Sorry for the rant, just my thoughts