I experience this firsthand and to be honest, it's not the fact that I get emotionally manipulated that hurts the most, but the fact that I wasn't being trusted enough to decide for my own.
They expect too much and focus too much on the strengths and abilities we possess (and that is forced upon us) as per they have "observed" yet they didn't realize how much is the gap between their expectations and the trust they put on us is far too large. They may often say it's in their best interest for us but this much pressure while not being trusted enough is too painful. I understand that they want to be relied on, but atleast I also want o be trusted the same.
That's true. But for me, what I see is selfishness. Subconsciously, they want to get what can satisfy their jealousy towards what other elders have, their competitiveness, their sense of satisfaction that they have 'created' their version of a successful product, and to crush their fear of being laughed at or ridiculed by others.
It's because the young ones have become their standard of success, and their idea of legacy.
For someone who has grown with tons of family pressure, this is something so painful. Most elderly are so good at emotional manipulation because they already have years of observing, knowing and experiencing different things. They know how to stir guilt, regret and helplessness in order to hit a person's weak spot and they use this effectively.
It's really sad when a person's major decision gets affected by this. Because in the long run, it's not the elderly's life that gets ruined and they're not the ones who will suffer. All in the name of 'Im already old and when I die, I want to rest in peace'. Clearly shows a lack of trust and confidence to the person they had supposedly raised and taught in life.
No one will ever know about a person's real happiness but the person himself/herself.