yumi amd kan chan relationship remind me so much of my past relationship. coming from brok...

yumi amd kan chan relationship remind me so much of my past relationship. coming from broken family with bisexual whore father who i only know his existence when im 13, im so scared of loving people. i stay in relationship where i know he love me. he beat me, that's mean he care right. that was my mindet for years. the thing is, i do love him at first. i fall in love when he's sweet and for a moment i consider a lifetime with him. but then i accidentally meet my crush. that was the firzt time he hit me. after that it was everyday. i won't leave the relationship because im too ego to admit that i was wrong.after two years, i come back home with broken face and my father have hard time recognising me. i only come back because im pregnant. he doesn't come. back or search for me. after few days i callled him and ask to met. he was shocked seeing my face. he used to see the beaten me everyday. im so willing to come back with him. but he want a break up. i told him inwas pregnant but he want to break. he stay during my pregnancy and while in labour. even when our baby die two day after he still speak like she's existed. thing is, we're better of friend from the start. some people are angry at me for being friend with him after all those thing he did. but i used to live with him. i know how dejected he feel because everyone left. they pushed him to his limit then leave him beyond repair. it was dumb for me for staying and hoping he would change. im not justifying his abuse tho. he cant stand my tear and im too stubborn to cry. rn he even scared with himself. he blame himself for the death of our baby. we met frequently and he come to our house during first eid. my father was hostile of course but he just want to see our baby picture. when im pregnant i gave him a copy but he lose it then he doesn't want another copy anymore because he won't be able to forgive himself if he lose it again.