I've been using this thread as reference and sending it to people cause it's tiring writing the same thing over and over again. Especially to people who don't want to listen.
At least now everything is condensed in one thread!
I’m going to start doing this too. I’ve legit been arguing with people since the hour this chapter got posted and I am tired of saying the same shit over and over again
Right? This thread is super helpful.
You’re welcome, friends! Misunderstandings need to be cleared, and abuse excusers need to be outed (๑•ㅂ•)و✧
dude I FUCKING LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Same tbh. They bring up one point, and when u adequately explain why that’s incorrect, they bring up another and another and another. The worst part is, is that I don’t think they really mean to be malicious they just don’t know and are making up their own conclusions. Obviously some people are just assholes, but a lot of them just don’t know
I just tried to educate someone by referring them to this thread and they were like "no, thanks - not interested". #－.－)
Why bother commenting and stating your harmful opinions when you are not up for discussion? They don't even try to understand our side. So sad!
You wrote such a well done explanation! I definitely agree that what md is doing is abuse and gross tbh. He’s basically trying to force Chan woo into a relationship and he’s just as bad as all those “assholes” he was talking about that chanwoo dated. He’s a hypocrite and that slap at the end was so fucked and in a real relationship would be a huge red flag, cause like you said consent doesn’t carry. Just cause he likes it rough doesn’t mean he can slap him, plus chanwoo has horrible self-worth and let’s people mistreat him. I think that if people still want to root for the md and chanwoo couple that’s completely fine. There’s no harm in that cause after all this is a fictional work. So if people wanna brush off what happened then that’s on them and that’s okay, however people have to know and accept that if this happened in real life and if this was a real life relationship this would be messed up and it would be abuse. As long as they’re aware of that then it’s okay. After all it’s fiction but as long as they can seperate fiction from reality, then that’s all that matters.
I'm so happy someone actually said this. I hate how quickly people started hating on Chanwoo for rejecting MD because he's ''such a hot and respectable man''. Chanwoo stated from the very beginning that MD wasn't his type. So even if there is a slight attraction, Chanwoo was never obligated to date him. Chanwoo clearly has issues when it comes to relationships and giving consent.
And the whole "Well he made MD upset" argument is extremely toxic, because what about Chanwoo's feelings? Why don't you consider how Chanwoo is feeling about this situation? Why is it only MD's feelings that matter?
I was rooting for them to be endgame, but now..not so much. I'd rather see Chanwoo happy with someone who won't manipulate him. (￣∇￣")
Just call them out on being excusers and move on. People like that aren’t worth your time girl
Yeah that’s such a pathetic argument. “Uwu he hurted md’s feewwings” like just say that you’re an incel lmaoooooo
I personally think that if my partner ever treat me like md did i would be hella upset and mad. It's okay to play games or roles in bedroom as long it doesn't grows into abuse. Slap is a big deal for me, but bigger concern is chanwoo's mental state. It's not okay to be in bdsm relationship with someone who is incapable to see their limit. And md had the proof that chanwoo's case was the same.
You are right! I just replied cool, no worries. There's no point in dragging the conversation any longer
╮(￣▽￣)╭
Exactly! Why push someone who has trouble setting boundaries? And all that with the excuse of love whilst covering abuse and manipulation with BDSM!
(︶︿︶)＝凸
no me love you
For real. Not love at all. A person actually in love would never hurt their loved one like this...
That's what's driving me insane! Getting hurt doesn't equal love. Maybe it's obsession but definitely not love!
Exactly. If someone did this to me, I’d tear them a new asshole lmaooo
I’m going to post random facts every once in a while to keep this topic at the top. Did you know that 91% of rape victims are female, and 9% are male? People often think that men can not/are not victims, but it is possible!
My replies refuse to go through hahhaha
Yes this is obsession not love. Abuse doesn't equal love no matter how much the abuser thinks so.
I’m tired of commenting on everyone else posts, so I’ll make my own. I’ll go through ever point I’ve seen, and explain why it’s incorrect. Match your point to mine to see an explanation.
“They’ve played multiple times before and did worse”
Yes, but consent does not carry. Especially in bdsm. Just because someone agreed once before, does not give their partner the right to their body indefinitely. In real bdsm, each play is discussed beforehand and is approved on by both parties. Clearly this didn’t happen, because chanwoo was shocked at md’s instructions.
“It’s bdsm they can be hit”
No. Bdsm is consensual, and chanwoo did not and can not consent.
“Why can’t he consent?”
He is shown several times to be mentally and emotionally incapable. Md choked him to see if he was capable of saying the safeword. It was confirmed that he couldn’t when he did not say it. Chanwoo is shown with a bruised face and repeatedly brushes off concern with “I’m fine”.
“He knows how md feels but he goes to the other guy anyways”
A person is never, ever obligated to return someone’s unrequited feelings. After md confessed, chanwoo politely refused And wished to keep a casual bdsm relationship. Because they stated beforehand that they want their bdsm and romantic lives separate, md’s feelings do not belong in their plays.
“How is he being manipulated? This is unrelated to their plays”
Yes, personal feelings should be left out of bdsm. MD knows that, but he puts them there anyways. Md also knows that chanwoo values him as a bdsm partner and as a friend, so when chanwoo attempted to introduce md to his boyfriend and he clearly was upset, no plays should’ve been initiated until md could cool down his feelings. Chanwoo was given an ultimatum, in that he either participate in the play or never communicate with md again. He fears losing md, so he agrees despite clearly not wanting to. This is coercion, and a coerced person cannot consent.
“Md is upset because chanwoo hurt his feelings so that’s why he hit him like that”
Again, unrequited feelings are never obligated to be returned, and personal feelings have no place in a casual bdsm relationship. Yes this hurt his feelings, but hurt feelings are never an excuse to coerce or hurt another person.
“He deserves it”
No one deserves abuse. Ever.
“How is it abuse”
It is abuse because he cannot consent. No consent = abuse/rape.
“I’ve been in a bdsm relationship that had plays exactly like this and I’m fine”
I’m sorry you’ve been abused before, but you should not use it as leverage to excuse other abuse.
“It’s just fiction why are you mad”
I, and many others, are mad because this abuse is being disguised as bdsm. This is harmful to the bdsm community, because it puts us in a bad light, and relates us to abusers. We are only attempting to keep our community’s image clear.