I feel the same lol
Well, the emotional conflict is actually very obvious. First of all, we see that Munakata is not okay with himself being so lewd, it's just that he cannot control it - he is an addict, a person who was dominated by a superior. Even though he says deep down his heart he wanted it - it's still sexual abuse and in this case - more than perverted one as it's clear that blond bastard was training his kohai, making a toy out of him.
And it's bearable to live your life knowing you are "dirty". Some victims of rape and similar harassments manage to live with it hating themselves though.
And here we see Tooru, who is young, bright, a bit silly, naive, kind and so pure. And now the roles switch - Munakata finds himself to be a lewd superior (like that blond asshole was to him) and Tooru takes his previous "poor and cheerful kohai" position.
And somehow it's repeating: he, Munakata, is the one who "seduces" the "innocent subordinate", he - who knows the best what it is to be broken, to be twisted, to be used (!) to satisfy one's desires - uses Tooru, makes him "dirty", makes him as lewd and lost, as he is. For him, it's nothing but a rat race. And, of course, starting to have feelings for Tooru doesn't make it any better.
It's we, the readers, can see both sides of the story, we understand that Tooru likes Munakata and sex with him is a blessing for him, not a curse or obligation or just a routine or anything. But Munakata doesn't know it. He's definitely sure he deserves no love and cannot be liked because he is so "dirty" - this misconception is also one of the factors that make him blind to the way things really are.
So yeah. It's all logical and easy to read.
Omg, I feel so dumb right now! When you explain like this makes so much more sense. I just, idk, felt like it was "drama for the sake of drama", but that cycle you mentioned explains it perfectly.
I still don't feel confortable with the trope of masochists = victims of abuse, because I feel like this is done so often, and reads a lot like kinkshaming, idk, but I get it how this is relevant to the shame and inadequacy that Munakata feels.
I'm sorry, it didn't seem obvious to me at all, thank you for taking the time to explain. ♡
(づ￣ ³￣)づ
Honestly, I just don't get what the conflict here is. We got ourselves a proper antagonist now (an asshole, btw), but I just don't get what was keeping the protagonists apart before that!! Why is Munakata being all "oh I'm /sullying/ this young man"? It might be just me, but I think this young pure man is quiiite happy to get down and dirty with ya and be all dom to satisfy your desires... So what's the effing hold up??
Tbh, it seems like the author wanted to write a sexy story, but also a serious story about abuse and got lost in the middle (and, y'know, getting quite close to the old stereotype that people who are into bdsm are perverse and/or victims of abuse... Which just... Can we let this trope die with fire?)
I'm sorry, this might not even make any sense, I'm just ranting my thoughts after finishing reading...