Help!!

he is pretending because he doesnt want Doumeki to get involved with yakuza also he has so many issues with accepting he is in love......I dont know Doumeki plan but i think he still loves Yashiro and he is still around because of him.....and he enjoyed it ⁄(⁄ ⁄·⁄ω⁄·⁄ ⁄)⁄ this is my take on this and its been awhile since i have read this so i may be wrong (づ￣ ³￣)づi think this will be updated on May

ohh okay, thank you so much for your fast reply.
ヾ(❀╹◡╹)ﾉ~

Yashiro actually did enjoy the sex with Doumeki hich is exactly why he got scared. His issues with sex are extremely complicated as he was continuesly raped and abused when he was a kid, as he grew older, he always made sure to have violent and painful sex because that's what he was used to. Making love is an entirely foreign and scary thing for him and the concept of trust and vulnerability in bed isn't something he's used to. Accepting that that's how sex SHOULD feel like equals to admitting that he was always a victim of abuse and how big of an impact that had on him.
This is partly why he pretended to not remember Doumeki (he basicaly ran away from the source of his insecurities), the other part is he really doesn't want Doumeki to keep on getting hurt because of the Yakuza lifestyle.
As for Doumeki, he thought he was making love to Yashiro but he eventually understood that Yashiro really wasn't ready for that kind of emotional impact at that time and he now blames himself, thinking that he brought painful memories to surface for Yashiro. The reason why he hasn't reached out to him yet is because he feels guilty, he's aso scared that if he pushes Yashiro again, the latter might carelessly risk his life once more like he did against Hirata (Doumeki thinks that it looked like Yashiro WANTED to die when he willingly went to that warehouse alone), and finally, I suppose that Doumeki actually WANTS to respect Yashiro's wishes this time and wait for HIM to reach out to Doumeki first, when he feels ready to do so. (He's basically waiting for Yashiro to be ready and come back to him).
Voila, sorry it was longer than I thought but I hope things are clearer now :)

woah nice if you compare my answer is what you write on an exam and yours what the lecture actually has lol

LMAO (≧∀≦) (≧∀≦) my nerdy ass is already busted huh? I'm just a total fangirl when it comes to this manga. ┑(￣Д ￣)┍

omg tysm, no it all makes sense (づ￣ ³￣)づ
But omggg that shit is soo sad wtf, i really hope that they will end up together and can live a happy live. They deserve it. Ooff now i can‘t wait for an updateee ╥﹏╥
But ty i really appreciate your long explanation, the manga hits different now

Damn!! Well explained!

Yashiro also says "Without pain I don't feel anything"... meaning he just realised he has never actually enjoyed "sex" with anyone until he had sex with Doumeki...

"and he now blames himself, thinking that he brought painful memories to surface for Yashiro. The reason why he hasn't reached out to him yet is because he feels guilty, he's aso scared that if he pushes Yashiro again, the latter might carelessly risk his life once more like he did against Hirata"

I ask this seriously with no hint of snark, how did you come to those conclusions?
From what I've seen in the later chapters there isn't much internal dialogue with Doumiki so how do you figure he blames himself for causing Yashiro to have painful memories? Like he did know something caused Yashiro to cry but he didn't know what was going through Yashiro's mind. And how do you know he feels guilty? It's been awhile since I read the chapters so perhaps I've missed some things.

Well, like you said...The first sign was when Doumeki immediately realized something was wrong when Yashiro started crying during sex and asked him "not to break him"...Then, Yashiro left him behind and kinda fired him right afterwards. Later, we have those amazing car scenes in chapter 32 where Doumeki is confused whether everything was true or a lie and he tells Yashiro not to worry because he won't touch him again, Yashiro asks him why he thinks he's worried and Doumeki replies: "probably because I could pin you down". At this moment, we already know that Doumeki's gut feeling isn't far from the truth, Yashiro doesn't answer right away but later, when they're in a warehouse together and Yashiro shoots Doumeki in the leg to prevent him from following him to Hirata's whereabouts, the last words he tells him are: "how does it feel to be held at gunpoint by someone you could pin down?" Which clearly indicates that Doumeki's words in the car hit home and Yashiro was angry about it..Then he goes and acts recklessly to get rid of Hirata and Doumeki finds him at the exact moment when Yashiro was giving up on life.....And then...THEN WE GET chapter 35.5! When Nanahara tells a bedridden Doumeki that Yashiro says he doesn't remember him. Nanahara asks Doumeki how far did he go with Yashiro and FINALLY explains to him how relationships are a huuuge deal to Yashiro and Doumeki has that "aha! So that's why!!" kinda face..This is when all his suspicions are confirmed and that's why he decides to accept Yashiro's claim that he doesn't remember him and leave him quitely....I remember at some point someone said that "Doumeki looked defeated". Because he knows he messed up and that's why he hasn't contacted Yashiro in the past 4 years...
GOSH, I ended up writing another essay! LOL. It's been a while since I last read this so I had to check a few things before answering...One thing I always noticed in Yoneda Kou's mangas is that she doesn't use a lot of monologues to explain things like lots of other authors do, instead, she heavily relies on facial expressions and the general mood and context to get her message through and expects the reader to follow, which is a bit hard at times but that's one of the reasons why I love her work so much (just my personnal taste)