I have social anxiety and my boyfriend told me to "let it go"

Allmightyreader April 9, 2020 10:19 pm

I've been trying to tell him how insensitive that was, almost like saying to someone who has depression "just be happy", he doesn't get it he insists that I need to just let it all go, and I'm so upset because this is definitely not something that I can do just like that. Am I too harsh or is it really insensitive from him

Responses
    Sora April 9, 2020 10:24 pm

    It depends of the context I'd say, for example if you made a scene because you were jealous of something then yeah I can understand why he would say let it go but if it's something he said that hurt you then that was insensitive of him, you should give us more details :/

    Kani April 9, 2020 10:37 pm

    I guess it can be hard for people to understand cause it’s something that only you know how it fells and affects you. I don’t really know the context but I fell like you guys should talk it out, and not just let it go because he should be able to support and be there for you if it’s something that really bothers you, I guess! So I do not believe you’re being to harsh

    LMtracker April 9, 2020 11:00 pm

    It's really hard for people to empathize with feelings they haven't felt, social anxiety is a very unique feeling, and the closest most people will relate it to is stage fright, or otherthings like that when they are different. So they will tell you solutions that helped them get through what they experienced and relate it to, which for people who haven't had, or have social anxiety, is just not giving a fuck. most people just won't have the thoughts an insecurities that come with social anxiety, so they don't know that you can't apply the same attitude. Its really an understanding divide where no one can be blamed, so its just better to sit him down and talk it out.

    Ari_Can April 9, 2020 11:05 pm

    For many people who hasn't deal with close people to them (like family or close friends) with mental problems or even their own mental and emotional struggles in their past, it can be very difficult to understand, so he might unintentionally be insensitive about it, because in his mind set he is unable of fathom how difficult, painful and real it could be for a person.
    That being said, I encourage you to ask for professional help, which might contribute to you understanding better your struggle and that will make it easier to explain to other people and to ask for appropriate help and support from them. Because, even if your boyfriend gets to understand a little better, he will not be able to solve your struggle. He can be supportive, patient and encouraging, but the effort to overcome and the "heavy work" is yours to deal with. Off course, having a strong support systems helps, but you also have a lot of learning to do in other to build it.

    ThatGayChicken April 9, 2020 11:07 pm
    This reply will be showed after approved! kag

    I’m a necrophiliac, my gf told me...nothing she didn’t say anything. She isn’t moving...or breathing.

    pearlywaters April 9, 2020 11:20 pm
    This reply will be showed after approved! kag

    I have alzheimers and my girlfriend told me...Wait, what did she say again?

    doytch magient April 9, 2020 11:28 pm

    You can't expect someone to fully understand you. Whoever they are. It's selfish.

    スージン April 9, 2020 11:34 pm

    I got depressed for two years. I tried opening it up to my parents because I wanted to be "fixed". Instead, they brushed it off and told me that 'we dont have the luxury to be depressed'. I remember I went to my room and broke down because I was expecting my only refuge to understand. My uncle saw/heard me crying, but he told me to 'stop crying, we dont have time for that'. I never felt so alone. That was the starting point I became suicidal. Now, I'm all better, but I no longer feel connected to people. I feel like its futile and irrelevant.

    LMtracker April 9, 2020 11:44 pm
    I got depressed for two years. I tried opening it up to my parents because I wanted to be "fixed". Instead, they brushed it off and told me that 'we dont have the luxury to be depressed'. I remember I went to m... スージン

    Do you like, want someone to talk to, being disconnected kinda sucks to just live through, and plenty of people here, including me, are willing to just listen and talk.

    Luna April 10, 2020 12:14 am

    I think that's what what they call Negative positivity. Anxieties cant be just cure with "just be happy". And yes people who dont know the feeling cant get it. They will always think that you are such a pessismist etc. But i tell you this, that is insensitive of him.

    I was one of those students that take a guidance counselling lessons (peer coaches) to better understand others undergoing such. And our counselor said that "being happy" or asking someone to just be happy is insensitive to those who had anxieties or the like. Coz in reality, you belittle their problems and No. That is sooooo wrong.

    Luna April 10, 2020 12:17 am
    I got depressed for two years. I tried opening it up to my parents because I wanted to be "fixed". Instead, they brushed it off and told me that 'we dont have the luxury to be depressed'. I remember I went to m... スージン

    Yeah. Being connected to people who cant connect with youu is soooo frustrating. So sometimes its better being alone. But being alone could also be frustratingg. If youu want someone tovent your anger frustrations etc,just message me. Since it is always better getting that out of your chest with someone you dont know personally.

    Cloudy April 10, 2020 12:34 am

    i Think it’s a bit of both. He’s probably never had it if he told you to let it go, so I think you just need to let him know that it’s not as easy as he thinks it is.

    Allmightyreader April 10, 2020 7:54 am

    Wow thank you to all your answers !
    I'm gonna explain what happened : I was telling him what my social anxiety was like, trying to explain him a bit better, it wasn't the first time that we talked about it so he already had some insight. And he said "have you tried to let it all go? Like just act to your heart content when you're with people" So I told him several times that doing so was impossible, and he insisted that it was in my head, and that I could actually do it if I tried.
    In the end I think that he kinda got it, but not really. I gave him a link to "things not to say to someone with anxiety" and hopefully he'll reflect on that

    Allmightyreader April 10, 2020 7:57 am
    This reply will be showed after approved! kag

    Omg I can't believe it. I actually told my bf "it's like saying to someone with schizophrenia "just stop imagining things" " and he was like "well yeah that's what they gotta do". DUDE STOP

    Allmightyreader April 10, 2020 7:59 am
    This reply will be showed after approved! kag

    I swear my bf's not a dick. He's just very ignorant when it comes to certain things. He's not trying to hurt me, he's doing his best but he just doesn't get me

    Luna April 10, 2020 11:12 am
    Wow thank you to all your answers !I'm gonna explain what happened : I was telling him what my social anxiety was like, trying to explain him a bit better, it wasn't the first time that we talked about it so he... Allmightyreader

    Its so nicee that he could understand you. I thought he really cant coz if he cant, you think to cool things down LOL. But yeaah, people have their way of handling things, and thats how he handle your anxiety. In any case if ypu have a family member you are close to or a bestfriend that could relate to you,you can tell them your anxiety instead, maybe they can help you lighten the mood or etc. Coz rightnow, you need someone that could understand your worries.