Also from other fellow reader:
"His actions and thought process are actually the easiest to understand. Joowon has always been a family person. He cares the most about Haesoo, his dad and even his stepmother. In one of the flashbacks, Haesoo was crying, obviously being torn and hurt by how their affair stood between their parents' relationship. Joowon looked extremely distressed by Haesoo's pain, then he told Haesoo "don't fall for me". My understanding is that he knew Haesoo would pick him (Haesoo was trying to say that before Joowon cut in), and he could foresee that it would only end in his precious family being torn apart and no one could be happy. They were merely high school students back then, helpless, and Haesoo was being quite naive and reckless. Joowon did the only thing he believed to be the best for everyone, which is to keep their relationship from getting any deeper and to continue seeing each other in secret.
The only time I have seen Joowon being desperate is when he was trying to make Haesoo stay with him at the hotel a few chapters back. For the first time, he considered throwing everything away just so they could be together. It sadly didn't work and Haesoo rejected him completely, but I believe when he told Taku that he will remain by his side forever as a brother, he really meant it. To be a family means a lot for Joowon."
Okay, so I'm actually questioning <what does Haesoo really want from Joowon anyway? Like the real real honest answer> HE NEED TO BE F HONEST!!
¹We knew in the past Joowon made a terrible mistake by saying "Don't fall for me 'cause I won't fall for you ...", but he didn't actually draw lines between being brother and lovers:
- He said that because he wanted to keep 'seeing' Haesoo. Seeing: being lovers.
- He wanted to be actor (Idk if it's honest or not, but he really do being an actor)
- He's afraid Haesoo can't handle it if they take it further. Taking it further: coming out to public, meaning to risk everything (their family, their career, their future, etc).
- They can keep seeing each other, even if it's like this. LIKE THIS: being lovers in secret.
- He thought that that was the best way to protect them and to protect their relationship AS LOVERS.
= Conclusion: Joowon really didn't mean them to be brothers! They meant them to keep seeing each other in secret.
²And Haesoo AGREED to that, he said "it was alright, and that was the best for them". Then the divorce happened and their relationship drifted apart until they re-encountered again one day. ACTUALLY when they encountered again, I thought that Joowon must think about Haesoo as lover, not brother. But Haesoo thought Joowon both as his brother and lover. Joowon only stated them as bother either sarcastically or as cover (because Joowon thought they agreed to act as brothers in public!).
This was where Joowon's saying backfired him. Haesoo might be wrong to think that they were still brother as well as lover when Joowon thought him as lover, but what else he could do? Joowon told him not to fall for him! I understood that he must be terrified on how much 'love' he felt for Joowon. He didn't want to cross that line and 10 years has passed with their feelings remained.
³Their relationship actually could have stayed fine. I meant they "love" each other, they cared for each other, they protected and supported eo, and they had sex from time to time. Like 'what else do you expect more that that?" Joowon clearly said to do something like that and he AGREED.
But Joowon was often being busy and left Haesoo alone. When Haesoo wanted real "lover" who could stay with him all the time, would not make him feel lonely, and would hold him whenever he want to. Due to that reason, and maybe to make Joowon jealous as part of their filthy "games" of love and jealousy. <Does Haesoo want more? What does he want?>
= Conclusion: I can understand Joowon when he's disappointed to Haesoo that he's tired with their games (it was something they both agreed!) but I can understand Haesoo too that this game is indeed emotionally draining.
⁴In hotel room scene, Joowon suggested that they can just be wrong together and t he wanted to give up everything to save their relationship.
Apparently Haesoo's already burned out and he "gave" up his relationship with Joowon. Even when Joowon already told Haesoo to ONLY see them as lover this time.
⁵After the breakup, Haesoo only thinks about his past with Joowon. He clearly haven't loved Taku AS LOVER at all at this point (I'm sorry Taku stan :(() and still loves Joowon A LOT.
TL;DR: What does Haesoo honestly, really want from Joowon? I think that this is more CITO for Haesoo to think about. I know it's good for Haesoo to think about self-love, etc. But how could he love himself first if he never put closure or proper resolution of the core thing that makes him mentally exhausted all this freaking 10 years? You're healing by disinfecting and treating the wound first, bro, not by suddenly putting new bandage on it!
*Thank you for listening to my TED-talk! -___-*