Pretty good but could've been better

Time for another BL dissertation for my BL PhD!

This one was so close to hitting the mark that it pains me to leave it off my "Quality Omegaverse" list, but I can't in good conscience have it on the list when I feel I would have to change some obvious story elements to make it consistent.

As for what it did well; it has a really solid premise. I like the non-standard relationship. The twists and turns of the story take good advantage of the Omegaverse setting, even though I would have them play out slightly differently. I like the Beta in general, and I like the Alpha's variant life philosophy (having a harem of Omegas), and his business-like approach to how he runs his personal life. I do generally like the flawed Omega too, although I'd probably have him be less bratty, ideally.

As for what I would change to improve everything overall...
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List time! I have written a walkthru below for how to implement these items in the plot afterwards.

* Make the Omega less bratty. This sort of behavior makes him less sympathetic and there is no reason for it tbh.

* Drop the "abused omega at work" subplot. It is introduced first, at the beginning of the story, so you think the story is going to be about this initially, then it simply _isn't_ at all, and then later that whole plotline is completely dropped in favor of the love triangle plot. Why would a (bratty) Omega want to continue to work after being pair-bonded to a rich Alpha if the Omega's abused at work? This doesn't make sense. Instead, make his work life not only pretty normal, but that he and his boss and coworkers have a good relationship.

* Introduce the backstory of the Omega/Beta sooner (right after the first time the Beta and Omega have sexy time), so that we completely understand the quandary that the Omega is in from the beginning. This will serve two purposes: 1) make the thrust of the story more clear, that it is the Omega struggling to do what he wants (the Beta) versus what he thinks he wants (an Alpha), and 2) it'll make successive plot developments even more poignant and sad because of this added info from the beginning.

* Have the Alpha's bite be the Omega's choice rather than random happenstance of the Alpha showing up and pheromone-induced violence enacted by the Alpha right after that.

* Have the Beta finding out that the Alpha isn't managing the Omega's heat properly be less of "haha, I'm a moustache-twirling villain", and more of a "this is a flaw in my worldview and life philosophy that is adversely affecting the protag Omega right at this particular moment". It makes the story so much stronger if the Alpha isn't specifically a bad person, he's just overwhelmed by his lifestyle choices and the protag suffers because of it.

* Show more of the struggle the Beta/Omega couple has to go through to have sex after Omega has been bitten; this should be way more difficult and traumatic than the story showed. If you're going to go with a plot development this dark, you have to be willing to go all-in and show it in all of its ugly, miserable, awful glory. Channel Harada-sensei if you have to. *shudder*


Those are the general changes. The writing in the story has solid ideas/concepts behind it, but the author simply fails to execute everything properly, which is probably why people (or me, at least) feel, upon completion of the story, as if it all somehow fell flat without being precisely able to put their finger on why. I had to sleep on it, then ponder it for about 30min after I got up before I could figure out what didn't sit right with me.

In general, it really bugs me that with all the juicy setting stuff provided by Omegaverse, so many authors fail to really capitalize on it. To use it to its full potential. Even though there are Omegaverse stories I do really like, no one has really managed to explore what a society would truly be like if humanity had grown up from the beginning of time having a secondary gender (caveat: the furries omegaverse stories come closest, but I just... furries just aren't my thing, I've only read like two of them, and tbh, even these stories don't go far enough). A more realistic society would look like none of these stories. Tangent: There is no way the Alphas of society would allow the Omegas to go completely uncontrolled and unmonitored among the populace. Thus there would be no way the Alphas would allow for a situation where Omegas would be randomly going into heat all the time (the drugs would be effective and free, Omegas would be tracked and monitored closely, and emergency heat suppressors would be commonplace, like fire extinguishers or garbage cans). So I can appreciate that this author thought to introduce the "Alphas have harems" thing here, because this would definitely have been a thing that happened (likely in the past). It's just too bad she couldn't bring the story together around it.

Anyway, tangent aside. This story doesn't need to fully explore a realistic Omegaverse setting in order for me to rank it highly, it just needs to pick a concept and execute it well, without having any pointless nonsense crowding up screen time. Unfortunately, it has some of these problems, so, in order to repair the story and trim out some of the fat, here is a plot rework proposal:

- In the beginning, introduce the Omega working at a pharmaceutical company that makes Omega drugs. Opening scene would be boss walking by Omega's desk, casually chatting with him about how Omega is off next week for his "heat week" (or whatever they call it). Have the boss be perfectly kind about it, like they have a good relationship, this has been happening for a while, and everyone's fine with the arrangement. Convo between boss and Omega here should introduce the sub-plot of the protag Omega's heat not responding to drugs, and that the boss hopes that someday, if they keep adjusting the formula, there will come a day where protag Omega _DOES_ respond to the drugs (as in, they want to help him).

- Have the Omega head home and give his Beta friend a call to chat with him about the date the Omega has set up with a promising Alpha tonight. Have this convo introduce the main plot of the story -- make it clear in this conversation that 1) the Omega's heat can't be controlled by drugs (reinforce this idea here), 2) thus, the Beta has been sexing him up for years to help control his heats instead, 3) bring up Omega's beliefs that he desperately needs an Alpha mate to truly gain control of his heats, hence the date, and 4) make it clear Omega is looking for an exclusive, idealistic, lovey-dovey type relationship with some imagined future Alpha in a pair bond with him.

- Keep everything the same about the date, the aftermath, meeting up with the Beta, and the Beta sex0ring up the Omega for heat control. The key point of this part is that the Alpha is very business-like about the transaction; he's offering the Omega anything he could ever want but love.

- Move the flashback-to-childhood scenes that depict how the Beta/Omega met to immediately after the first Beta/Omega sexy time. The readers will now know early-on that the Omega loves the Beta, but feels like a burden to the Beta, and that as an Omega with uncontrollable heats, he feels he _neeeeeeeds_ an Alpha in his life to manage his heats better so he will no longer cause trouble for the Beta. The Omega will expresses the wish that the Beta were an Alpha for the first time here. Have the Beta remain a Cipher, so the reader doesn't know precisely what the Beta thinks of the arrangement the two have until where it is revealed in the actual story.

- Cut the scenes of the Alpha bursting in at the Omega's workplace and humiliating the Omega's boss. Instead just have the Alpha pursue the Omega hotly in the usual BL ways, but never crossing the line to jerk territory.

- Intersperse with these scenes more scenes of the Beta and Omega hanging out together (like are in the original story) and scenes of Omega at work interacting with people normally/pleasantly. Show a handful of instances of Omega's boss worrying about him.

- Instead of his normal heat, have the Omega go into an out-of-cycle heat that's pretty bad. Have him ponder whether to text his Beta friend or the Alpha. He chooses to text the Alpha. Alpha shows up, goes into rut. Have the Omega regret his choice immediately as soon as he opens the door to let the Alpha in, but it's too late. Have things play out about as they do in the story from here.

- Have the Omega feel intense shame at what he's done, which now becomes the reason that prompts the Omega to ask the Alpha to move him to a new apartment and all that, so he can hide from the Beta and wallow in self-pity.

- Slightly change the scene in the story where the Beta witnesses the Alpha mackin' on some other guy. The Alpha says "[This other Omega] is my mate too", but add ", and I am managing his heat right now. I can get to protag Omega by the end of the week". Beta still gets mad, saying that's not soon enough, since the heat suppressors don't work on protag Omega and make him sick. Skip the crap about the kneeling stuff; there is no reason to make the Alpha villainous here. Have the Alpha just give up the Omega's new address and tell the Beta it would be super helpful if he could go by to check on the Omega and get the Omega's heat under control, if possible. Alpha may or may not believe the Beta can do this, but have him genuinely care about the protag Omega's well-being and accept any help the Beta can give to the protag Omega. This is a key point -- the Alpha should be defeated by his business-like life philosophy rather than by simply being a jerk. He doesn't actually have the time to manage all his Omegas even if truly intended to. The moral of the story is to follow your heart, rather than to do the logical things people pressure you into in your life.

- Have the Beta arrive at the Omega's new crib in about the same manner as in the story. Add a little dialogue to the scene here where the Omega tells the Beta he's been hiding from him because he made a terrible choice and completely regrets it but that it's not Beta's fault at all, it was his own stupid fault, etc etc. Have the scene basically play out the same way, but with the added sense that the Omega feels shame for his stupid decision to invite the Alpha over instead of the Beta.

- This may be hard to watch, and likely why the manga did not fully depict this, but: show more of their sex scene where the Beta has to completely tie up the Omega in order to have sex with him. Have it be traumatic, like a brutal rape, even though we know its just a physiological reaction of the Omega's body and the bite. Omega should devolve into growls and screams, like he can't talk anymore; he's reduced to animal-brain reactions. Have it stress the Beta out mentally, but the Beta, being great, is up to the task and is able to handle it.

- The rest of the story can play out as it does, with the heartfelt confessions, marriage, the kid, etc.

- Add to the post-credit scenes, this one: Omega is inspired to work with his company to develop a Bonded Pair blocker for Omegas. Have protag Omega suggest the idea, help with the development, and perform the trials with the company's scientists. Have his company be the first to release such a drug to the market. Have it be very successful in the marketplace, and work really well on protag Omega, since it was developed specifically to help him. Have protag Omega be promoted grandly to product manager or something. Show Omega and Beta are now able to have normal sex again after this drug is released. This would be an amazing payoff to 1) the uncomfortable sex between the Beta/Omega after the bite bond, 2) the "Omega's career" subplot that lurked in the background of the story throughout, and 3) turning a difficult, heart-wrenching story into a happy ending all-around by the end.