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Idk if the question was rhetorical but I’ve thought about the why a lot. The why of the abuser I think often comes down to fear. Fear of losing their lover, fear of inadequacy, and fear of not being in control. Of course there’s anger issues as well. Also abuse is often a learned behavior. My ex’s dad was abusive too. I once was trying to explain how when he was angry he felt like a touchey bomb. Like the wrong move would set him off and I could feel the fury radiating off of him. I felt like I had to walk on eggshells so he didn’t explode. Also how his voice when he was being mean cut me like ice that went from my chest to drop in my belly. I felt a physical pain along with the emotional pain. My ex got upset bc he realized these were the same feelings he felt with and from his dad. A dad he hated. I also realized he needed to feel control over me. He needed proof I would never stop loving him. I actually feel sorry for him. I probably loved him more then anyone and he destroyed that love. I think if you look at any abusive partner hard enough, dig down deep enough. You’ll find similar things. The other factor is you. You have to stop getting involved with partners like that. Most men (or women) give signs that they’ll be abusive. Very rarely are they Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde types who are Prince Charming during the wooing and bastards when they have you. They usually show their emotional instability at some point. So we have to watch out for those signs. And if like me you find that your type are guys that are abusive, then you have to work on what about you draws you to them.
they’re not trying to make him pitiful, but more realistic. people like that beat you down and then grovel at your and apologize, saying they’ll never do it again and then do it over and over. this is just from my experience.. but they’re rlly spot on and it made me sad