**tried to open up to my family
They call me weak and everything thats just undignifying. I often silently break down in my room and cry all night. One time they caught me doing so and just told me "huh? What are you crying for? Were here for practicality so stop being dramatic"
All i need is their help to support me emotionally until i could heal. It just pains me how im running to people–that is not my family–for help
yep, hate it when my mother see a small thing and then explode then dig up all sins from the moment of your birth. learned the shut up about any complaints and feedback to improve the house. live by. out of sight out of mind. eat in my room, any trash, things I need to clean in my room. she considers an unused living room with new day dust as pigsty.
also, any depression or suicide thoughts I had a decade ago was never voiced to anyone. made sure to burn the small notebook I vent in before. allow no evidence about it. I think I had an almost slash situation when I went awol from my first job. never really said the real reason to anyone why I lost the will to go to work.
I thought my mom was the only one XD
I honestly already have scars on my left wrist from digging my nails to my skin whenever i feel frustrated and just want to express my side. They saw that too and still got nagged. "Oh so your cutting yourself now? Ha! Just proves how weak you are"
I get that everytime. Being emotionally unstable affected my academic and social life. I used to be a students who is always praised for aces. But now i barely go to school. If so i just go to take tests and make projects. I fail my tests and exams because i no longer have the determination to study. I failed 4 subjects out of 11. And the remaining 7 grades arent even that impressive. I also shut down my friends whenever i feel like they get too close to me. now i really just want to die. I want to end everything that has become a problem to me. When i die i pray that they wont forget me and that theyll regret every single thing theyve done to me
Tragic. I can only suggest you to leave that house or do this they won't look at you as the same ever https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1948195358553050&id=1872233363027201&refsrc= http%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F&_rdr
Same and then they don’t know why I don’t say anything and try to hide my problems.
Not only do they “predict” literally your entire life based on a mistake, the compare you with your “superior” and “perfect” relatives. They gush about how smart, polite, and wonderful the children of their other siblings or even their friends are and ask why you can’t be like them. When this episode exact children of relatives fk up or “bring shame” to the family, they tell you not to compare yourself with those “degenerates”... you know, the ones they’ve praised till high heaven. Even when you’re doing better than your peers, once you bring up your success in hopes that they acknowledge a bit of your effort, they undermine you by asking you why you’re proud of those “small” achievements while STILL talking about how great your other peers are.
(╯°Д °)╯╧╧
please don't put too much weight on their words. people just want what you don't showcase or different from you. they most likely are those people who only see and put too much emphasis on that trait to try to get a clone of those people. try to find a hobby that lessen you stress and give you happiness. please avoid things that might be harmful to your body and mind. even toxic interactions from people. i know we can't avoid our parents but it really is much better to avoid the people that bring us down and find someone that uplift the mood. my best friend is one. we have a buddy system that we vent our frustration about our shitty relationships with our families/relatives or problems (even though I haven't told her about my depression / suicidal thoughts from before - didn't really do anything but when I was in elementary after shouting scolding from my mother I vent by pulling my hair or hitting the back of my head to the wall during our cat fight with my mother - she really is not physically abusive but we were in physical discipline at that time). as for achievements, sigh, i have scholarship and high grades but never really felt it were achievements it felt like normal standard in our house. never celebrated and felt those were worthless. compounded with grades really not reflecting what real world/job is. wish high school/college provide real training/experience to prepare young teens to adulthood.
I just dont get why parents have to make the problem bigger. Everytime you make a mistake, they just have to talk every problem that was caused by you. They start nagging about how clumsy/stupid you are for making that mistake. Then they connect it with your studies, future career and ambitions. "You cant even do a simple thing how much more being a blablabla ...". Then most of the time they wash their hands and completely blame the mistake unto you. It diesnt just end there as if making you look stupidly useless is not enough. They tell your father, your sister or just someone in the house and start to degrade you again to a dumbass shit. Its not that im blaming them but negativity is just weighing me down already is starting to make me depressed. I asked for help from a guidance counselor and psych from school. It still didnt make things better since it didnt stop the problems at home. One time i had the courage to open up to them that i am "approaching" depression (according to the psych) to ask them for help. It just got worse because all the more they nagged and badmouth me saying that im a really useless dramatic person