Once in a while there is a story I couldn’t get over. This time it is My Starry Sky. I b...

Once in a while there is a story I couldn’t get over.
This time it is My Starry Sky. I began reading without knowing how painful it is gonna be for me.
Everything in it exudes melancholic feels. The poem at the beginning, the name Skyler, the hair of Skyler, Yeonsuk’s memories, childhood theme, long distance, misunderstandings and regrets... I couldn’t help it. Chewing the pain and sadness.
Once in a while I would swear that I should stop reading yaoi for good, and find a way to adjust to the real world, the reality. But I couldnt leave. Now I think about the good stories, I understand the reason why I couldnt leave. Because they bring me the feels, the sadness, love and sacrifice that I dont experience in this life. Reality is harsh and it leaves me the loneliness but minus love. Love sounds like a wonderful thing and I wish I knew how it feels to love and be loved so sincerely. I wonder I am just an unlucky one, or is it because I dont deserve love. I dont know how to love sincerely either, so maybe that is why I never receive it.
My mind now is full of flashbacks of the scenes in My Starry Sky. I wish I could love someone like Yeonsuk loves Skyler, I wish I am loved the way Skyler is. They are fictional. But I am jealous. They are so real. The way love is depicted in the story is so real. I wish my life was not so mean and full of shit. I wish I could live knowing that I am not alone. I wish I could share mylife with someone. I wish I could care less about unimportant things happening to me. But in the end, I am not the protagonist in a story. As soon as I look away from the phone screen and get on with reality, I know I will once again doubt the existence of true love. And think that my life is absurd the way it is and will never be different.
I am disillusioned
But at least for now, I am sad, and I want to love and be loved