CHAPTER 53!!

Cloe900311 October 9, 2018 8:00 am

Who was it that thought “Don’t say it” during the phone conversation (pages 29, 34, and 36)? I could interpret that as YuYang hoping deep down for LiHuan to not say anything that YuYang can’t reply to, or it could be LiHuan hoping YuYang wouldn’t say anything LiHuan himself sees as untrue…

But DAMN!! LIHUAN!! Where could I find someone like you?? ε=ε=(ノ≧∇≦)ノ I love how NATURAL their conversation felt!! “I like you. From all the people that I’ve met… you are the loveliest one. I really like you”!! GENUINE and STRAIGHTFORWARD!! YES!! <3

It’s so touching when you meet someone who appreciates and loves you for who you are. Not that we constantly need someone to validate us, but it is a very warm feeling when someone tells you that :) I love that LiHuan put his heart on his sleeve in this phone call. I love it when people demonstrate that they care for you through their actions, not just with words alone.

I feel that with folks like YuYang (I’ll include myself too LOL) could be smiling around others, but it is very true that people don’t always necessarily know what is happening with you. I resonated with YuYang when he said, “Actually no one really understands,” and “It’s very difficult for people to truly understand each other.” You could use all the words you know, from the bottom of your heart to explain something to someone, and they still wouldn’t understand. Some folks only understand if they have been in your situation before, while others refuse to understand.

You could be like YuYang where you could go to places, like school, and have folks near you – never worried about who will be in your class or who you’ll walk home with after class, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you have connections that run deep in your heart. It’s much easier to meet folks who you could enjoy your time with, and it tends to be easier to defend yourself than rely on others to do so. YuYang grew up defending himself because he recognized no one in his family would, and he was forced to accept that people with homophobic views will always exist. You could feel so lonely in these moments, even if it isn’t so difficult to find activities that bring a smile to your face.

I appreciate that YuYang is safe to open his heart to LiHuan. Right now, YuYang still has his heart guarded but the fact that LiHuan chose to call YuYang… That’s a significant indicator that LiHuan cares. :) LiHuan not only wants to communicate with YuYang, but our younger boy also wants to hear the emotion in YuYang’s voice and feel that much closer to our precious uke <3 That reminds me of chapter 25 when LiHuan knocked on YuYang’s door to ask in-person what time they would go swimming the following day <33 I love how direct LiHuan is in that sense; when LiHuan wants to do something, he just does it. :) No ambiguity whatsoever! YuYang even asked, “You could have just sent me a message! Why trouble yourself coming all the way down here…”, which I really like :) I love it when people make the effort to see you because they want to. X))

I also think it is very true when you don’t realize someone has romantic feelings for you LOL!! XD I’m like YuYang where I get surprised by people’s honest answers about them liking me (could be as a person in general, as a friend…). I loved seeing the surprise on YuYang’s face when LiHuan admitted that our seme would run to our uke if YuYang was at their university, and it was clear LiHuan was disappointed that he couldn’t fly to YuYang in Beijing. I love that LiHuan even asked where YuYang lives, even though it was already nighttime!! <33

I like that DJun doesn’t portray YuYang as someone who gets happy by the littlest gestures, like LiHuan calling or saying LiHuan will go see YuYang. YuYang has been through so much; anyone would feel tired emotionally if they still face homophobic remarks for years, and YuYang has an unrequited love for Lin Xiang… It’s no wonder that YuYang believes no one likes him back since his family cannot love (accept) YuYang for who he is (including that he’s gay), and Lin Xiang loves Xiao Guang. If I were in YuYang’s position, I would just feel so done.

I acknowledge that LiHuan’s confession may not have appeared at the most appropriate time, since YuYang just had a fight with his parents, but when else would LiHuan confess? LiHuan killed two birds with one stone through his confession: had YuYang see that our uke is indeed loved for who he is, and LiHuan expressed his feelings. LiHuan being transparent now is better than seeing LiHuan love YuYang but not realize his feelings are romantic LOL.

Now, I’m curious… What will YuYang say to LiHuan’s “The kiss that night… You still remember, don’t you?” I want YuYang and LiHuan to have an honest conversation about the kiss and LiHuan’s confession overall, but I’m unsure if YuYang is in the right state of mind for that… YuYang may need more time to himself after that fight with his parents :/

Anyway, it’s already 3:20 AM LOL. I technically read this five days ago after a long day at my school placement. Love that I could reread this chapter and appreciate this story so much <33

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Responses

LiiQ October 9, 2018 1:14 pm

it was yuyang thinking to himself, basically him telling himself not to say anything anymore, to just shut up

Cloe900311 October 9, 2018 5:52 pm

it was yuyang thinking to himself, basically him telling himself not to say anything anymore, to just shut up LiiQ

Thank you for the clarification! :) I was leaning more towards YuYang thinking "Don't say it" too, since LiHuan doesn't seem like the type of person to intentionally tell himself to hold back very much.

I think YuYang is used to shouldering how he feels, like the homophobic remarks from his family and people at school, and his unrequited love for Lin Xiang. LiHuan may be the first person YuYang sincerely talked to about his feelings for Lin Xiang, and now the fight YuYang had with his parents and dealing with homophobia in general. So, it seems YuYang is used to not talking about how he feels very much, yet there was a part of him that needed to talk about how he feels. When you're on the phone, I notice that people tend to be more honest or reveal more at nighttime than during the day.

YuYang probably doesn't have a heart-to-heart soulmate he talks with about his feelings, since like he said, “It’s very difficult for people to truly understand each other.” I could relate to that since I don't talk about my feelings too much with many people, since I don't have the confidence that they would understand all the time.

I agree that it’s difficult for people to understand each other, which could be very lonely. We could have so much self-love, but we can’t deny how lonely it is when you feel people don’t truly understand you. Maybe it's about learning to take baby steps in what we share with others, and we could feel less lonely that way. We could think no one understands, but there still could be people who will if we just give them the chance.

kat October 9, 2018 11:57 pm

Uh, no girl it was Lihuan LOOOOL. Cause yuyang always tells him stuff like "you won't understand" which is a personal insult to him

Cloe900311 October 10, 2018 2:07 am

Uh, no girl it was Lihuan LOOOOL. Cause yuyang always tells him stuff like "you won't understand" which is a personal insult to him kat

Haha, wow! I didn't think I would get two different answers. :P "Don't say it" could be interpreted differently, huh?

I skimmed through the chapter again, and I could see LiHuan thinking "Don't say it," not only to YuYang creating that distance between them by asserting our younger boy doesn't understand our older boy, but it could also be LiHuan unconsciously telling himself not to say whatever he thinks he shouldn't. Ultimately, LiHuan chose to confess to YuYang, even though he originally wasn't intending to do so when he called YuYang.

Cyuris October 10, 2018 2:23 am

We can just say that both of them said it xD

Cloe900311 October 10, 2018 2:31 am

We can just say that both of them said it xD Cyuris

Haha, I like your answer too! :D YuYang could be telling himself to not reveal too much since he doesn't think LiHuan would understand our uke, while LiHuan could be telling himself to not say whatever our seme thinks shouldn't be said. So, in the end, both parties were telling themselves to hold back, but they didn't. :) How sweet is that? They're a compatible pair <3

yume October 10, 2018 3:26 am

No, those were YuYang's thoughts. DJun confirmed it when someone asked him, so it was exactly what LiiQ said :)

carol_L October 10, 2018 4:07 am

I appreciate reading the original posters' thoughts about YuYang guarding his own feelings and watching what he is saying, and what it could mean to finally find someone who is open and who tells him he likes him. It was lovely to read! I was very confused by this but when I re-read it I saw that the "don't say it" was always on the picture with YuYang, its symtomatic of him having to hold his overflowing upset over his fight with his parents inside, I see that now.

Cloe900311 November 27, 2018 9:55 pm

It sounds like you're talking about my posts, so thank you for saying they're lovely to read! I'm glad you enjoyed reading this thread. :) And I appreciate that this story portrays males as people who have emotions. At my placement, I hear remarks that paint males as people who are emotionally incapable. I know Here U Are is fictional, but it feels real and I'm sure it is a story many readers can relate to in some way or another. One common example would be the tension between parents and their children, which readers have commented, occurred to them.

Reading your comment again -and this thread- reminded me how important it is to communicate. It's really lonely to have no one to talk with when you're feeling down... :( We can see that YuYang's friends in the dorm are people he can smile and have fun with, but they don't seem like people he has incredibly deep friendships with. YuYang and LiHuan appear to be complete opposites, but wow! This story really reinforces how important it is to have a good listener in your life. (Must be even better if your lover is a good listener! X))

Once YuYang and LiHuan start dating, I'll be happy to see that YuYang won't be alone with his thoughts anymore! :D And haha, can you imagine LiHuan's dad meeting YuYang, and knowing YuYang is the person LiHuan kissed and wants to hold? xD

CHAPTER 53!!

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