To be honest when I first clicked the expand button and saw how long your comment was I just rolled my eyes and thought TL;DR but I’m glad I actually stopped to read it. I like the way you put the facts out there without being dramatic or inserting your opinion every 2 lines the way most people do with topics like this. I agree that it’s very important that readers know the difference between fiction and reality. One thing I will say though is that reading BL really helped my brain understand that love is love whatever your gender. Love, lust, hope, betrayal, despair. Bl just got me to a point in real life where I no longer see the gender. I just see people loving and wanting to be loved
Thank you for both the response and the compliment. The way you view love now, having read BL, is how love should be viewed. Without boundaries, limitations or qualifications. Love isn't heterosexual or homosexual, it is simply love. The same applies to class, race and religion as much as gender. Love transcends those labels... or it should be allowed to, anyway. That however, IS my opinion. LOL
My apologies for two replies. I was distracted and only relaized later that I had not finished my thought.
I was raised by my brother, who is gay, and his friends and lovers. So, I was exposed to same sex relationships from an early age. This triggered within me a deep curiosity regarding love and sex. Therefore, it was natural that I study psychology while in college. I enjoy understanding why we do what we do, as humans, and like what we like when it comes to lovers and sex. For me, the truth is far more fascinating than anything fiction can dream up on this topic. I try to impart that knowledge to others when I think it is important and necessary. With yaoi and BL being so full of misinformation, conjecture and outright lies, I feel the "balance" with truth must be made somewhere. I chose to do that with my comment. If even one person understands more clearly that homosexuality is not something you can pick or choose like the socks you wear, then my job is done and I am happy.
But isn't in now days believed that more people are bisexual and the hetero part is mostly a society oppressed gender stereotype? I mean due to patriarchy and male sex fantasies a fem-fem relationship was no big deal even for hetero women while mal-mal was a taboo. But now I think most people (since societies are becoming more open minded) can explore their bisexuality. I am not say that there are no heterosexuals. But I am saying that the percentages are now visible different. As for the Yaoi gender let's not forget that the main target group is girls (like me). So in reality I think oppressed or lonely or non-pretty (by society's standard) found something to project themselves. A gay man thinks he will disgust a handsome male. So am I. Also since they are 2 men a) they can both ask and demand sex b) they are equal. I think that's why we like Yaoi. Or at least why I do. Thank you for your post and sorry for my leangthy response
For the longest time I thought I might be bi, but later on I realized I was not. I only fantasized about other women after a long stretch without sexual contact with a man. I have gone to a lesbian bar/nightclub plenty of times but every time I got hit on I always found something I did not like about the girl and walked away. Then when I would have sex with a male partner I would lose all interest in females. Even if it was just a one night stand. I also realized that I was not attracted to the sent of a female either. Which I would think would be a big part of the physical attraction at least. Hence my conclusion on this is that I am not bi or a lesbian.
The other thing I would like to say after all that is, I agree that ones sexual preference is ingrained into them even before birth. After all the experiences I have been through and my perception, I fully understand this now. I would like to use a reference on this, Koisuru Boukun, is my favorite manga and the first one I read. This is a classic case of a man "Sempai" who denies what he truly is in the most extreme way and even the gay man "Morinaga" who is in love with him believes he is straight at first. Then through certain circumstances I will not go in to just in case you have not read it, they end up having a sexual relationship. The reason I say all this is because I have seen people post that the reason Sempai is allowing Morinaga to have sex with him is because of Stockholm syndrome. And I have argued that they are wrong (mostly because people do not fully understand what Stockholm syndrome is) and that because of one scene they cannot get past, they cannot seem to fully comprehend what the story is about. After all that just to say, just as you cannot turn a gay man straight, you also cannot turn a straight man gay.
I do not think it is because more people are bi-sexual, I think it is that more people are open about being bi-curious (bi-sexual and bi-curious is not the same thing). Please do not get me wrong, I do not think you are stupid, I just wanted to emphasize. I also agree about why females like YAOI, but I also read BL, and a bunch of twisted things as well.
I understand the difference between bisexual and bicurious but I am not really sure that this difference actually exists. If you are a man and you have a hard-on on another man you are just curious? I think you are bisexual. I think bi-curious is a hetero invention to make them feel more hetero (and not bi). I am not in a position to say for sure if you are born with it or it is a combination of dna and preadolescent experiences (after gender finalization) but I think that if m/m sex was not scorned by society many males would be proud to declare themselves Bi and not hetero. If you are a male that can be sexualy attracted by both males and females you are bi. If you are not the least attracted to males but you do it because you are pent-up you are not curious, you are an asshole. But ok a man is not easy to function I think with someone that does not sexualy attractes him. Ok this is a long talk. Bottom line for me is that if you sleep with a man and a woman you are Bisexual and good for you. If you hide behind curiosity, alcohol, the stars alignment etc you are an arse that does not want to admit it and like to play the tough hetero
Well said, on all points. I am, without a doubt, a bisexual woman. I have known this since I was about 8 years old. However, when it comes to men, I love them all. Tall, short, fat, thin, handsome or ugly, I can find something to arouse me about them. Women are a different story. A woman must fit a particular mold in order for me to be sexually attracted. Does that make me somehow less bisexual? No. That would be like saying a hetero man is less hetero because he only gets hard for buxom blondes. LOL I don't feel a lack of interest to women in general, nor am I turned off by the idea of having sex with women, but to really rev my engine she has to fit that mold. And for those who play the "I'm 33.33% female and 66.66% male bisexual game" I call bullshit. So, a 100% lesbian who has had 3 female sex partners in her life is gang raped by ten men... is she now 66% bisexual? Hell no! Who you have sexual contact with is not the important part, it is the sex of the people you most desire having sex with that matters. It is that "pull" to the other person. In your case, the pull was never strong enough to cause a complete follow through. You wanted something and you were open minded enough to seek the something in the same sex, but when push came to shove, that "pull" to follow through wasn't there. I'd jokingly say you were "try-sexual". You were willing to try whatever it took. LOL Goof for you. You're open minded and you don't dismiss things off hand based on some random idea of socially correct.
I remember my first female lover. I met her at work and the moment I saw her it was like all the air left the room. My heart dropped to my feet, bounced back to my chest and started pounding like a drumroll. I felt like if I couldn't touch her, kiss her, or just hear her voice, I would stop breathing. She was bi as well and we ended up living together as lovers for two years until she passed away. After she died, I intentionally stayed away from women. I was, and am, still very attracted to them, but I am also married now. I have been married for 25 years and I have 3 sons. I still flirt with and am still quite attracted to women, but out of respect for my husband and marriage, I "keep it in my pants". LOL Does being in a hetero marriage make me somehow less bisexual? Hell no. I would love to have sex with a woman, but I don't because it would hurt my husband. I am still sexually attracted to women, therefore, I am still bisexual.
So, you're absolutely correct. You can't make a straight man gay and you can't make a gay man straight. And just because a bisexual has chosen to be in a long term relationship with one sex - whether the same or the opposite - it doesn't make them strictly hetero or homosexual. It isn't who you're currently having sex with that matters. It is who you WANT to have sex with that counts. A closeted gay man may have hetero sex five times a day, seven days a week, but he is still gay because who he REALLY wants to be having sex with is another man. Ya see? A straight man in prison may have homosexual sex three or four times a week for five years, but he is still hetero because who he REALLY wants to have sex with is a woman. Our sexuality is the psychological desire, or drive, to have sex with a person of the same or opposite sex. Or, in the case of bisexuals, both. It's not based on who we have sex with to be acceptable in society, who we have the courage to approach, who we are forced to have sex with or even who we ultimately end up choosing to have sex with. It is who we are driven to desire, whether we follow through or not. It isn't even about whether or not the sex feels good. I was involved in adult entertainment (read live sex shows) for many years. I have had sex with people I could barely stand to be around and, admittedly, the sex often felt good. But there was never that desire, that drive to have sex. In my case, it was acting, but based on the experiences of friends who were closeted gay men in hetero relationships, it is all pretty much acting. They, and I, did what was expected of us, but we never felt that heart stopping desire to have sex with our partners.
TL;DR: Sexuality isn't based on who you are having sex with, it is based on who you desire to have sex with.
I absolutely ADORE your last statement! LMAO
No. The excess in homosexuality and bisexuality is simply a result of the pendulum of repression vs acceptance swinging in the other direction. Scientific studies have shown that in all thriving mammalian species, from 7% to 23% of the total population will be homosexual. The prevailing theory as to why this is is that it is nature's way of preventing overpopulation of a particular species. It is also interesting to note that the higher percentages are found in species with "higher" intellect, like dolphins, primates and whales. That said, if you assume the trait of homosexuality is hereditary or even genetic, then having homosexuals engage in procreation for hundreds of generations, the percentage of offspring with the trait would be greater than if the homosexuals did not engage in procreation. But one must understand that sexuality is a psychological trait as much as a physiological one. And our psychology is influenced deeply by our environment. A person raised in an environment where any sexuality except hetero is unacceptable will not consider homosexuality or bisexuality as an option. You also must remember that only about 15% to 20% of the global population live in cultures where homosexuality is considered acceptable. So, basically, the numbers just don't add up and if they did add up, it would mean a lot of very big problems for the species. A species can't survive having more than 25% fail to procreate without suffering a severe and rapid decline or requiring some type of intervention to bolster the population. Currently, the human population is suffering no such decline and we are, in fact, expanding rapidly despite low birth rates in some countries.
As for the psychological aspect of acceptance freeing minds and sexuality, it tends to be short lived. Heterosexuality is the basis for all mammalian species. This is how we procreate and how our species survives. This is the physiological aspect of sexuality. Our species DNA compels the majority of the species to desire the opposite sex for procreation. Now we add in the psychological aspect of acceptance of homosexuality. This leads young people to feel more comfortable with experimentation. And that is a good thing. However, the physiological aspect eventually kicks in and that desire that we just can't fight, that "instinct", if you will, that draws us to the sex partners we desire pulls us to procreate. So, what you have are a large number of young people who are bisexual, bi-curious, call it what you will, at age 18 are in hetero relationships having children at age 30. It isn't anything new, it is simply more prolific with the rise of acceptance of homosexuality. We saw it in the 1960's with the concept of free love and by the 80's the numbers had balanced back out. In the 1960's the homosexual population was estimated as high as 30% and by the 80's it had dropped to around 13% to 15%. All the homosexuals didn't suddenly disappear, they just grew up. Now, I'm not saying that every person who thinks they are homosexual is wrong or "needs to grow up". I am simply saying that this is the trend that has been seen in these situations.
As I commented to another here, a person's sexuality isn't based on who they have sex with. It is based on who they REALLY WANT to have sex with. The person or persons who draw out a deep sexual desire in them. If that person is of the same sex, then you're homosexual. If that person is of the opposite sex, you're hetero. And if persons from the same and opposite sex draw out that desire, you're bisexual. Our sexuality is that desire that we can't stop. We can't stop the desire, but we can determine how we act on the desire. A hetero person can be "okay" with having sex with someone of the same sex, they may even enjoy it. But if they don't have that deep, instinctual desire for it, they are little more than a "play gay" at worst and "curious" at best. And I'm not talking about horniness where, pardon the vulgarity, any hole or dick will do. I mean the desire to have THAT person and no one else will do. It is a difficult sensation to describe to anyone who has never experienced it, but the first time you feel it, you'll know. It hits like a freight train and you can't view the world the same way after. The closest I can come to describing it is like a religious epiphany of, "Oh my God, I get it now."
I really like your posts. So I would like to ask you something. In males and females what are the percentage s/g/b? I have read many articles and many times values differentiate. About what you say about species survival. Well some species have been eliminated (not due to human intervention) due to various factors. Also some women started to think that children are not their life's goal (due to society changes, career and equality). Also as you mentioned about yourself Bi people can have children and families (female of course easier, but even males with male partners who are either bi or gay can have a child via surrogacy). I totally agree on what you are saying about severe attraction. Up to now I have not fell in love with a woman, but I think I would not have a problem to sleep with a woman that I find attractive. So even if I have no experience with same sex physical relationship I would prefer to label myself as B. So in general that is why I think that the B ratio is quite a lot (since it really does not hinder procreation). Lions have polygamy correct? Altered family units can adjust to more sexual free societies. Also very sorry for your loss.
Oh about the main theme of the post. I am saying various things but not really on the point. Well to put it simply in my opinion the straight guy that fell in love with a co-worker or a fellow student is a bi that for the first time fell in love with someone from the same sex. So logically up to now he believed he was straight. And in his mind indeed it is not men.... It is a specific man. Only for him. As for the yaoi drama gay vs straight, indeed the gay is afraid that the "straight" can choose family in the future due to society restrictions or due to his own need to father a child (a bi man indeed can respond to a female partner), the pool for even a strict straight man to find a female partner is larger that that of a gay. Now back to my opinion. I understand that for gays the fluidity in sexual attraction is a big thorn due to the conservative asses that were trying for a lot of years to pass homosexuality as a choice. But I think that apart from gays and straights bi people are indeed blessed or cursed with that fluidity. And for young people that take a wrong idea through yaoi? Well if you are 12 you should really not read this. If you are older you must really understand that this is erotica fiction and try to read something useful on the internet about these issues. Now if you are a straight boy that fell in love with his gay co-worker I am rooting for you either you think yourself as bi or either you call yourself straight who loves that co-worker so much that gender is not important. If you love and respect keep the labels you want
The "you date girls = you're hetero" or the "turning gay for you" trope. Why would this bother me? Because there are many young readers who read yaoi and take it as gospel. They think this fantasy world is how things really are. To set the record straight, no pun intended, no one "turns" gay. You either are or you're not. You are born that way and you will die that way. You are either born with the capability to be sexually attracted to the same sex or you are not, no different than being born with blue eyes or brown hair. You can wear contacts or dye your hair, but at the end of the day your eyes are blue or your hair is brown. However, having blue eyes or brown hair won't get you ostracized in society the way homosexuality will. Nor is having blue eyes or brown hair something you are told from early childhood is wrong, bad or disgusting. Your eyes or hair may be different, but you will not necessarily be shunned for it. Not so with homosexuality. For this reason, many young homosexual people ignore or suppress their feelings and desires, which makes them appear hetero in order to fit in.
Let me explain; There are four phases that every person goes through when they are different from the norm and concerned that that difference could ostracize them from the group/society. Whether the difference is being gay or being an otaku, the phases are the same. First, is recognition. Recognizing that you are not the same as others in the group. You recognize that there is something different about yourself when you compare yourself to others. For most homosexual people this occurs fairly early in life, around age 6 or so. They can't put their finger on it at that age, but they often know there is something different. Second, is realization. This is when you realize precisely what it is that is different about yourself. This usually happens around puberty for homosexual people. This is when our attraction to others and desire for sex is triggered. This is when they realize what that difference they felt as a child really was. At this point, they may ignore or fight against their attraction or they may just accept it. Third, is awakening. The moment of truth when your difference is set out right before your eyes.You can no longer deny that there is a difference and it will change how you live from this moment forward. For most homosexual people, this is the first time they date and/or have sex. If it is with a partner of the opposite sex, a homosexual person may feel good with their partner and even orgasm during sex, but it all feels dismally empty and unfulfilling to them. Even in happiness, something feels as though it is missing. If they have no other relationship or sexual experience and no one to confide in for help, they often just assume this is how things are supposed to feel. They may even continue dating the opposite sex thinking it is a matter of finding the right person or they may cut themselves off completely out of fear that something is wrong with them. Their true awakening then comes when they find themselves attracted to someone of the same sex and engage in homosexual sex for the first time. Now, they are fully aware of who they are as a person. The final phase is acceptance/denial. Will you accept your difference and live with it or will you choose to hide this difference in order to be accepted by the group? This is when the homosexual person decides whether to or not to accept themselves and their sexual orientation. They don't necessarily have to come out as homosexual to others, but this is when they decide if they can accept themselves or if they will live a life "in the closet". Technically speaking, neither choice is necessarily wrong, but one is unhealthy. That applies to any difference anyone my have. Hiding your difference to fit in isn't the wrong thing to do, but it is unhealthy. You will live your life deceiving yourself and those around you. The stress from that knowledge alone can drive a person to poor emotional, mental and physical health. This is the pattern followed by nearly every subject that has been studied as being homosexual, male and female. They know, deep down and from an early age that they are not quite the same as their peers. It is only after realizing their homosexuality and awakening to how their homosexuality will impact their life from now on that they can either choose to accept themselves or hide it. So, suddenly "turning gay" is a fantasy. They were always capable of being attracted to the same sex, they were simply not clearly aware until now.
The idea that homosexuality is an intrinsic part of a person is not commonly known or accepted in Japan. Homosexuality is seen a fetish or a choice that one can make. Sadly, Japan is about 30 years behind the US and other liberal countries in their understanding of homosexuality as well as in its acceptance. There is nothing that can be done to change manga written 10, 15 or 20 years ago, but hopefully future and current BL/yaoi mangaka will be better educated on the facts surrounding the subjects of their stories. I feel it is also important that young readers know the truth as it is in real life about homosexuality, rather than accept the fantasy, lies and conjecture that fills pages of BL/yaoi manga. Believing in BL/yaoi gay men is no different than believing in vampires and werewolves. Neither exist in reality the way they are depicted in fiction.