hOly mother of jesus that is long-
But
I'm confused-
Was this a story? Or?
If the guy didn’t seem all too bothered by the rejection, then you’re overthinking it. Of course if he did get upset or try to pressure you into it, that could be interpreted as one of the signs of psychopathy and the plot you pictured would’ve been possible if you’d agreed to leaving without asking for your parents’ consent.
All in all, you did the right thing!
It was a scenario I had thought of
yeah, I think did the right thing too. But like, he really isn't a bad guy, I just over think too much sometimes and then the thoughts get stuck in my head and then I like to anonymously rant about them online coz I have no one else to rant to ╮(￣▽￣)╭ Life is cruel
It’s an impressive skill, to be honest. When I imagine things, I can only put together small fragments so the scenario doesn’t even end up making sense. However, you (judging by the long description) are able to visualize things in great detail. Do you, by any chance, like drawing or writing? I assume it would be something you’re gifted in lol
actually yes I do both drawing and writing lol. And it's more like a curse than a gift since the only scenarios I usually think of are ones that keep me up all night.
Alright, so yesterday I was talking to my older guy friend (let's just call him) Jimmy Brown. And we were just talking about Call Of Duty and how he was gonna teach me how to be better at it. And it was fun and yada yada... before he said 'You can come over and I could teach you'. And he wasn't being possessive about it or anything but I just felt... uncomfortable? Because yes we were friends but we weren't that close, and I had only met him through my sisters, and he had previously called me cute and stated that he would date me if I were older (our age difference is 3-4 years). I had told him 'Sorry If my mom knew I had gone over an older boy's house she would kill me', and he then said 'that's why you don't tell her, tell her you're going the park'. And of course, after I said 'I'm too much of a GG to do that kind of stuff, sorry' he quickly dismissed it. But later at about 3 am or so I looked back at the situation and a thought went through my head, and I thought about what if I did it, and I just left? And it as weird because I thought about me leaving and then going to his house and then him convincing me to stay for a while... and then him suddenly making me stay, and me accepting. And then I thought about if I never left and my mom going crazy and sending an amber alert out, and then if I saw it and thought, 'I don't care'. And this sort of scenario started to play out on my head:
I had stayed at Jimmy Brown's house for weeks and the police had been searching for me. Even though I was in the exact area that they were in I had stayed inside Jimmy's house, being careful not to be found. Of course, my sister's had called in asked since Jimmy Brown was out a lot from time to time, but he said he hadn't seen me.
After about a week or two of me being there, Jimmy Brown had started to get neglective and a bit abusive, suddenly not letting me leave his room. But I was too caught up in the fact that 'I'm too far in this, he's all I got right now, nobody at home would accept me back if they had known I had done this' that I didn't really realize it at the time. He wouldn't feed me a lot and I could only come out if I needed to go to the bathroom. I couldn't take showers cause Jimmy said the thought of me naked might make him want to 'attack' me, and so I didn't, and it sucked. But I understood because I didn't want him to do that to me. And so we went on like that.
After a while or so Jimmy started to then get touchy, sliding his hand up my shirt and kissing on me. I couldn't do anything because I just felt... weak, and helpless to Jimmy. He then had sex with me, and after that, he did it multiple times. Of Course, after a while, I had eventually gotten pregnant, and Jimmy made me keep the baby.
So there I was, dirty, hungry, weak, and pregnant. I remember feeling so ruined, I even remember thinking 'so this is it, there is no redemption after this, no continuing school, no going to college, no being an engineer, nothing. I'm nothing anymore, no one.'
And at the time school had started back up again so Jimmy Brown had left from time to time. Sometimes I would come out and eat something, but if he found out he would hit me and yell, so it was rare that I did.
After living in complete solitude for a long time, I had gotten depressed. After a while, I even had the baby, surprisingly the baby and I had even survived (no idea how, but remember this is all in my head). And I remember the baby being so...beautiful. Like, I had never seen a baby that was so captivating even if it was in my mind. I had of course fallen in love with it and Jimmy Brown did too. For a moment I was even happy.
The baby had been about a month old and it was already so beautiful. Like it had my hazel eyes and Jimmy Brown's loose curly hair, with light brown skin and full eyebrows, and the perfect nose, too, not too pointy yet not too round. I was truly happy. And Jimmy Brown even let me come out while he was at school. I felt like a housewife, staying to care for the child as her father went to go to work.
But then one day when I was watching Tv, I saw that my whole family was on it with a news reporter, and they were talking about me. I was confused so I listened closer and I saw that they had made a tiny memorial for me by the park. And when I saw that in the TV I suddenly felt that rush of depression surge through me, and I felt like I was the lowest of the low, and I truly, truly was. And I just wanted to die.
So then a thought ran through my head, and I remembered that if I wanted to end it, Jimmy had some pills that if you mixed with other things, it would kill you (Again, this was all in my head so Jimmy had those pills for plot armour, and IRL Jimmy Brown does do drugs soo). I had thought about it, but I didn't want to leave my baby. And then I had thought about leaving, but I didn't want to go to my mother and explain all that had happened. And if I did lie and say that Jimmy kidnapped me and if he did go to jail. What would it matter? In how many years he would get out again and possibly track me and our baby down. So I dismissed the idea.
Day after day I started to get more and more depressed and I started to feel more and more worthless.
So one day, after Jimmy Brown had gone to school, I proceeded to do a plan I had thought of.
I went to Jimmy's drawer to get the drugs. And then I went to the living room where our baby was, in her baby swing. I went to the dining room and took a pencil and paper and wrote a note to the police talking about what happened, and to tell my friends and family I'm sorry and that I'm such a disappointment and that I'm so SO stupid. And then the rest of the letter was written for my child. After I had written the letter, I had called the police, telling them that I was the missing person and that I was at the address XXX XXX XXX, the police said that they'd be there in 15 minutes, and some other stuff like 'stay put' and yeah. And I said 'perfect' and hung up. Tossing the phone aside, I went over to my baby who was fast asleep and gave her a kiss on the head and then took the drugs.
Thus ending my life.
That was all I thought of before I eventually tired myself to sleep.
I don't answer Jimmy Brown's texts anymore, I creeped myself out too much ┑(￣Д ￣)┍
P.S. Was I wrong to feel this way or to think of this? I dunno, comment and tell me.
Also, Wtf is wrong with me?