Wow just gotta say something
owo
Like your text so touched me, almost crying ._. I've never been in such a situation, but I can totally understand you. I would have done the same. Gosh hope this doesnt sound weird coming from a complet stranger. Just stay strong! cx
Sorry for my english.
Thank you so much for taking time and reading it.
I wasn't sure if anybody would even care to read a long comment like that, moreover a personal one.
I just wanted to let it out and so I'm really really happy that you commented back.
I just woke up and seeing your reply already puts me in a happier mood.
I hope you have a beautiful day as well because you are a sweet person deserving the happiest life. <3
And your english was just fine :-)
I say this as a caring older woman with lots of life experience: Please remember that dom/sub is supposed to be scenes, not your whole life. Once they are over, you should have control and possession of your life back again. Do not let someone control your whole life, or expect you to submit in all areas. That is not love, that is possessive jealousy, and that is both a dangerous and sad road! Agreed upon play is one thing, but your resistance seems very, very healthy. Please listen to your gut, which tells you that your family deserves to be in your life as well, and that you are a worthy person deserving respect and consideration and care. Sorry to go off like that, but again, just seeing this from another perspective. Passion is wonderful, but there needs to be mutuality and respect as well. Thanks, and wish you the best!
I think I really needed to hear it from someone who has more experience than me because I honestly don't have anybody who I can share my real feelings with for the fear of being judged. Thank you. You are 100% right about the dom - sub culture but it wasn't supposed to be only dom - sub, it was supposed to be a ddlg lifestyle.
Well, my family situations require me to be selfless, for the most part because I'm the eldest of 3 and I don't have a father. It also made me a bit guarded about the level of trust I had on people. My aim is to be happy no matter what doing what I think is right and I got into this relationship hoping to be my true self but it did not go as I wished.
It's been like that for so long that when he came into my life and offered a relationship where I can be selfish and I'll be loved in spite of that, I took it and gave it my all. But it takes time for me to trust someone that much for the first time, he didn't take it well. He blamed me for hiding some things at the beginning months but I didn't understand because he was supposed to love me through my insecurities (I loved him through his own and btw I'm a person who thinks love and trust are two different things).
Maybe I'm not ready to have relationships yet. I do have my family who depend on me emotionally, I know, in my gut, that I cannot give them up for anyone, he was supposed to understand that, unfortunately he did not.
But sometimes, I'm scared of being selfish. I know he loves me completely in his own crooked way and leaving him would be a selfish thing to do.
Thank you so much @suburbanhermit for taking time to read it and give me advice. I really appreciate it and I hope as time passes, my head gets a bit clear. I hope you have beautiful days ahead :-)
PS: I've always been a gut person. It has carried me through difficult situations many a times :-D
You are very welcome, and again, I wish you only happiness and the best in life. Take good care!
I read everything you said. I want you to acknowledge that you are brave for sharing your experiences with us. I don't know what your status is with the person you talked about, but I hope everything works out for you. :)
Sometimes, when I read stories, I forget that their circumstances could happen to people in real life. I thank you for hitting my head back to reality. Your relationship with that person... I feel the "heaven and hell at the same time" from your description, and this makes me empathize with Tatsumi and Senzaki even more. Ogawa Chise truly has good storytelling, if her characters resonate with you.
When I look at Tatsumi, I feel sad because he's so lonely without Senzaki. :(( I want Senzaki to come back to Tatsumi, but I don't know if that's best for Tatsumi... I wonder if Tatsumi were to choose to be with Senzaki, would Tatsumi regret his choice in the future...? Is it possible for Tatsumi to have both the stability of his family and Senzaki in his life? I don't know or understand why Senzaki wanted only Tatsumi's attention while I was reading. Maybe Senzaki chose to have an all-or-nothing approach when he chose to leave Tatsumi, after our poor boy didn't come to the classroom in time.... :((
My ideal ending would be for Tatsumi and Senzaki to come back together, but I want them to have a healthy lifestyle. Maybe Tatsumi and Senzaki got together during the wrong time...? I feel conflicted because I want Tatsumi to be happy, but I don't have confidence that being with Senzaki is the right choice for him.
I hope that for you, whatever you decide, you do what's best for you. Do what makes you happy and healthy. :))
Foremost, thank you for taking your time to read the whole thing. I gotta say that you put my situation better in words than myself. After reading the manga, I was so elated to find something which can relate to me that I couldn't put out my entire thoughts into the content I wrote.
You were on point. Tatsumi would be happiest if Senzaki came back to him but you wouldn't know what will happen in the future because in this dom - sub lifestyles, the dom and sub are expected to love each other to the maximum and only them. So when one of them leaves, even for a short duration or makes the other feel insecure, the other is left shattered but the worst part is you would have been trained to hold on to the hope that they will come back. It is usually worse in the cases of subs like me and Tatsumi.
In my case, at one point, he even insulted me for reading comics and other romance novels. He frequently teases me, to the point of it being an insult, about my lifestyle choices before I met him. I am a person who will do anything to achieve what I want and I believe that if I want to lead, I have to be a follower. But he insulted me, saying that I was being a coward. But I hoped that if we sat and talked, I would be able to make him understand me, for myself, not as his sub.
Unfortunately, we never were able to have the talk. I think he only looked at what he wanted to see in me and ignored the rest of the parts which make me, much like Senzaki did. But I wouldn't say Senzaki was bad either. Senzaki had come to love Tatsumi and him only like his world so he expected him to Tatsumi to do the same and when he felt Tatsumi couldn't do that, he felt disappointed, cheated and left.
Tatsumi's only mistake is his ignorance towards the other factors which affect them. He was able to do whatever he wanted because he was filthy rich and his parents probably didn't care what he did (which is sad, btw) so he failed to understand that Tatsumi was in a different position. He had a mother who was naive and Tatsumi was left to protect her and if he wanted to protect his mother, he had to dance according to the rules of his father. It is the worst when you have choose between family and love but then, a true love never forces you to make the choice.
Well, I'm glad that I was able to get opinions of other people so that it might heal me from the guilt of choosing my family. As you said, Ogawa Chise is gifted for being such an empathetic person and for being able to put down that in beautiful art. I sure want to see more of Caste Heaven.
To answer your question, I have clearly decided to break free of that relationship. I may not get someone else who can love me as much as he did but I'm sure I love myself enough to not put myself through such an unpredictable relationship.
Thank you again <3 Have beautiful days ahead and I would like to keep penning you. :-)
Thanks for sharing your story with us, I really like to read other users stories, especially when they can relate so well to the manga. I have to say I was kind of relieved when Senzaki and Tatsumi broke up (yeah, you can throw rocks on me), because I really liked Tatsumi and he deserved something better (like you, you seem a very nice person), something healthy. You said you broke up with him and that's good, you probably miss him for awhile, but when you fall in love again, you'll get totally in love with this person.
And like someone said above that's not d/s relationship, that's abuse. I'm a sub (well, I'm single, but I'm still a sub lol) and d/s is all about trust, caring and love, it's nothing like this. I wish you the best, dear!
And about Caste Heaven, who knows what Ogawa Chise will do? I hope for a happy ending to Tatsumi (to all of them, really).
Thank you for taking time and reading my whole content :-)
What you said is right. Tatsumi deserved better but as a sub, you should know it is not like any normal heart break when your dom doesn't understand you or love you inspite of the mistakes. That's the con of being in bdsm relationships (romantic or not) but I have my own ways of coping (YAOIS!!!).
Well, if you ask me, my ideal ending is Senzaki realizes Tatsumi's situation and comes back to him because Senzaki is heartbroken in his own way too.
I can understand my ex - boyfriend's expectations, that's why there is also this guilt for choosing myself over him. But I sure realized that I also wanted to be other things than being just his sub, something I cannot achieve by being with him (unfortunately).
Well, thank you for sharing your thoughts too. I really appreciate it. I hope you have beautiful days ahead.
PS: I also like reading other people's experiences which they were brave enough to put out in the view of so many different people with different opinions =^.^=
First of all, I love this manga. Like. So. Much.
And my favorite pair is Tatsumi x Senzaki (I don't care if you call me a pervert) because I personally relate to Tatsumi like 10000000000%
It's my first time telling this to anyone else.
I had (have, it's complicated now) a boyfriend who is technically like Senzaki so we had a dominant - submissive relationship (I'm the sub, even though I'm a switch)
That relationship was heaven and hell at the same time, just like portrayed by the author here. My boyfriend loved me like there's nobody else in this world and I yearned for his love while reciprocating it as much as I could. I know I wasn't able to stand upto his expectations because I am a 18 year old Indian coming from a conservative family still in college and still depending on my family to get by.
Our relationship broke because of two major reasons:
1. I understand that my 25 year old office - going independent boyfriend wants me to be like he's the only one in this world but he wouldn't understand that my family is the type to call out a police search if I'm out of sight for like 10 minutes. I couldn't afford to put him on my top priority for the time being. I couldn't do anything against my family if I wanted to keep out of trouble and I personally think I owe that much for my single mother working hard to provide me with food and education. He just wouldn't understand that me sucking up to my family is to have a safe and happy future with him!
2. He couldn't accept one mistake. I know I'm wrong when I make excuses but I am a little bit lazy and get carried away easily. He asks me get home and call but I forget because I am lazy and I simply just sleep. He would think I'm lying and just because I didn't call him, he thinks I'm not in love with him anymore! I make mistakes, silly and careless ones but not because I want to! I already my family to point out my mistakes but never appreciate (just like Tatsumi's dad) so it really pisses me off when all he does is nag ALL THE TIME! We fight over silly things which he connects to more sinister imaginary thoughts almost 5 days of the week.
But the other two days of the week is so beautiful that I keep running back to him. This is where Tatsumi is lucky. Senzaki came to him even when he was mad at Tatsumi. But here, I was always the one running back to him.
Once he went a month without texting me and I just controlled myself from texting him back but when I couldn't bear it and texted him, he blames me for not texting sooner. When I asked him why he didn't text first, he said that
HE WAS EFFING TESTING ME!
Just like Tatsumi, I would wait patiently till he came back. I would get very jealous of my friends for having normal relationship issues. But ours was not a normal, simple love to begin with. Even as I write this, I smile with tears in my eyes. I don't know if I should back to him or not.
Soooo.. That's why, dear author, I would really like to see this pair getting together. Please let Senzaki get back to his love so that they can have that beautiful love because I know how beautiful it is while it lasts.
And I would like to finish with how wonderfully the author portrays the emotions of all the character, irregardless of being minor or major, in this really different plot. Good read and waiting for more updates!
PS: I thought that geek couple was really cute and I love how Kuse changed for his love. Also I really love the MC's! Can't wait till they realize they are head over heels for the other!
Thank you for reading! :-)