
Yoru wa Tomodachi : they have a safe word and the submissive is the one in control (well the dominant is a beginner who gets less and less comfortable with the BDSM as the stroy goes on)

Not a yaoi, but this author has definitely done their research: http://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/mud/

For yaoi, try http://www.mangago.zone/r/l_search/?name=tori%20maia

definitely hoshi no yakata and sadistic boy they were my starters and i still like them.
(づ ̄ ³ ̄)づ
some less crazy, loving good ones:
http://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/yume_no_you_na_hanashi/
http://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/sensual_reminder/
http://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/from_points_of_three/
the last two are pretty proper about S&M. lots of consent and talks.
All this needs is for a safe word to be established and this will be one of my top yaoi bdsm works(づ ̄ ³ ̄)づ