It wasn't illogical nor irrational but yes it is selfish and not the best decision this s coming from someone whose father had the same experience with his ex he only found out about my half brother 2 years ago I was already 24 (2nd son) oldest was 27 so my half brother would have been around 29 that time my dad works overseas and goes home only once a year for 2 months so even though me and my 3 brothers don't live there anymore we often go there for the 2 months my dad stay to bond when I went there on the 2nd week he got back my dad received an mail I don't know the exact content of the letter but my mom showed e a picture of a woman sitting on the stairs of some hotel with a boy right next to her my mom told me that ur brother I was shocked at first I thought my dad cheated but then my mom explained that it was an old picture and that the ex had my half brother before my dad and mom got together I was left asking why I didn't know of this and why now my mom explained that my dads ex married some foreigner and is living somewhere in the UK my half bro wanted to meet my dad but the ex didn't want her son to meet dad and told him to back off that basically the summary of the letter but there were also personal things said in the letter that they didn't want us to read it was a very quiet day for our usually happy and energetic gatherings everyone slept early since I'm evening shift I'm usually awake at night i was hungry so i decided to go downstairs the stairs is at a position where when u go down u see the living room the sofa is turned back so the person seating won't see you if you come down quietly I saw my dad seating there my dad is a big guy he looks like someone from the military but he's very friendly and easy going guy so when I saw hunch down sobbing while holding something ( most probably the letter or picture) it was the first time I ever saw him cry he had a difficult childhood my grandpa left him and grandma for another they lived in poverty barely ate 2 time a day and lived near the railways in a patch up house he worked hard he sold plastic while attending school he didn't give up so when he was able to have a stable job and a home he tried to give us everything he wasn't able to get in his childhood he was my hero and to see him in that state broke me he was crying for a child he wasn't able to touch and take care of and a child he never saw grow up and a child who probably thinks less of him because he's not there it was only one month that he stayed here but he said he needed to come back to Russia for work even though he still has a month nobody questioned it though we had an idea that he might try to find my half bro that was the last time we ever talked about it I only saw the picture once and that was it. My point is I understand the ukes reason or his feeling but what about the semes feelings the uke may have endured and suffered but the seme will also suffer just as Much by not knowing in my case both sides suffered it was a selfish thing to do and the one who suffered most is the child even me and my brothers were affected we r all close so knowing we had a brother we never knew and will never meet is also heartbreaking though I am thankful that it still happened or else we won't exist but still. Just sharing cause I know there are a lot of people who also had this types of experiences though I could understand I could never symphatize with the uke having seen and experienced the semes perspective.
My uncle met his first son when he lost his step dad. His son was more than 40 then. It's been more than a decade, and they are very happy they met and still see each over as often as they can. Every one welcomed my "new cousin" too. So don't give up, meddle as much as you want it is your right too :) It's never too late, one more in the family to us has been a lot of joy.
PS: it's also really hard to judge if such a decision is selfish, or selfless. Raising a kid alone is HUGE, the world is not good or respectful toward single moms. You can never know what the relationship was before too. Maybe the mom seriously believed the father did not want a kid or she did not want to force a relationship because of a child (my uncle case). In any case it is a very painful choice too. I wanted to add so much for peace, becuase i seiroulsy hope you will meet your brother too :)
I'm not judging all I'm judging this one particular story only based on how the story went and the ukes reasoning. I have a lot of colleagues who are single parents and have utmost respect for them most of the women became single parents because they left their husband/bf due to years of being mistreated so I know the struggle. Thank you though I see it not happening in the foreseeable future it's nice to hope I would get to see him :)
I agree that eijuns decision wasn't the best choice, however, I do not believe that he was illogical nor irrational about it. When he found out that he was pregnant, you can see just how much he struggled with coming to terms with it. I mean, baseball was his life. The fact that he had to choose between baseball (his whole world) or his child (with the person he loves) gives you a glimpse of the mental toll he had to undergo. When he first decided not to tell miyuki about it, I believe that he came to that conclusion out of fear for how the public and proleague will react, especially towards a rising newcomer. In addition, even if miyuki didn't have to directly quit baseball, eijun probably didn't want to force miyuki to undergo a similar mental crisis as himself in which miyuki had to weigh baseball against raising a child. When the rape happened, it only strengthened his resolve to not tell miyuki about it. The rape essentially made it harder for eijun to communicate his true feelings to miyuki. I think the breaking of the last straw occurred when eijun told miyuki that he was quiting baseball and moving back to his hometown This led miyuki to believe that eijun was done chasing baseball (and indirectly him). That's why you see miyuki responding by saying that since eijun didn't want anything to do with baseball, he wanted to break up with eijun. So, even though eijun convinced himself that he has to break up with miyuki, it was actually miyuki who called the quits and left eijun there without truly understanding him. Asking someone why over and over again is not the most effective way to get someone to talk. Thus, the act of miyuki leaving and breaking it off confirmed the doubts and fears that eijun already had--silencing him for good. I mean, he probably thought (even though there was no basis for it before the breakup) that miyuki would hate him for getting pregnant and potentially ruining his baseball career. Let's face it, having a guy as your partner (as a guy) and having a guy give birth to your child are not socially acceptable, maybe even less so for sports. So, yes eijun acted selfishly but he had legit reasons to do so when you take into consideration of his mental state (being tossed into parenthood in a way that he never considered possible), the rape, and miyuki leaving him in the park without further contact. On a side note, I don't think he ever intended for miyuki to find out. In fact, the kids only found out that miyuki was their father due to the fact that eijun unconsciously follows miyuki because eijun still loves him greatly and kids in general are very perceptive of their parents. Plus, eijun wanted to be called dad, not mom.