I agree, sex is a normal thing and talking about it shouldn't be a taboo. Talking about your problems with others with experience is a good way to deal with those problems.
Holy fuck your life is wild. Here I am a virgin at 25. I can only dream of stuff like that fml.
Second virgin here (at 25) still dreaming of my threesome (and no, I'm not going to be picky if it's a guy/girl or guy/guy) :D
In order to experience these types of situations, I had to surround myself with people who were open about sex and sexuality. It could get awkward at times and, I won't lie, there were even situations that could have been potentially dangerous if I had not, both had friends I felt safe with and been confident in myself. That kind of trust and confidence is built over years of experiencing things together with people who enjoy the same things you do. I'm old, so in my day, if you wanted to meet people, you went out to bars and clubs. Now, everything is done online and bars and clubs are sanitized of everything from smoking to sexual/romantic contact! The fear and hype that media and social media spread has made sex a dirty word and a dirty act. I feel as though I have been thrust back into the Victorian age! I grew up in the 70s and 80s, when sex was all about finding yourself, not finding a life partner. Having experienced it first hand, I'm still confident that we knew what we were talking about. But, you can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. There are going to be risks. So, you mitigate those risks before you start by using your head. Never have sex without a condom. Always let someone know where you're going, when you plan to be back and who you are meeting. Carry something to defend yourself with in case things go pear shaped, like mace or pepper spray or even your cell phone. Hell, then you can take video of the situation and at least get the cops to arrest any fucker who messes with you! If you never use it, all the better, but you are left defenseless without it. Most importantly, remember, even a bad experience can be learned from. I've been put through hell myself. Some were my own doing and some came out of left field, but all of them made me who I am today. And for the record, I really like who I am today. There is no reward without a little risk. You can't have a 3P alone! Get out and try to meet some crazy, sexy people. Choose your partners wisely and enjoy the hell out of every experience. If you can't enjoy it, at least learn from it.
Well said. Sex is part of the life of any mammalian species, to deny our sexual appetites is denying our nature. Even our psychological make up is heavily influenced by sex. Shoving sex into a dark room with all the blinds closed only makes it a situation to be feared, like the noises that eminate from a basement. If we don't know what is causing the noises, or if we make up silly and outlandish reasons for the noises, we avoid the basement out of fear of the unknown. Sex os the same. Knowledge is power, once you understand the why and how of something, you can't fear it simply because it is unknown. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of things to fear more once you know the how and why, but sex isn't one of them.
ヾ(☆▽☆) Wow, the answer is suprisingly refreshing and sweet. Thank you very much Mameiha <3
I don't know about the other person, but for me, I keep the 3P as a good old fashion fantasy ;D the reason I'm still a virgin is that haven't actually got the courage to go that final step with someone so yeah, it's hard and it will take time and maybe one day, I feel secure enough with a person to have sex. Until then, I do keep safe and for anyone else out there, always, always keep in mind that when you say "no" it is never a "yes", despite what most mangas would make of it. Yeah, it's fun to read it (Yaoi included) but it's never an ok, situation.
Again, thank you Mameiha since I doubt a lot of people would have taken the time like you did to right such a post to encourage but still caution others (●'◡'●)ﾉ
Unfortunately, sex was something that was forced upon me at a very young age. I have always been the type to face my fears and want to understand why things happen or are the way they are. So, by the time I was in college, I had already been studying and experimenting with sex, sexuality and sexual psychology for half a decade or more. I intentionally surrounded myself with people who were older, open, confident in their sexuality and highly sexually active - even promiscuous in some cases. I wanted to learn and this was the best way I saw to do it. Looking back, there were some situations I put myself into that were potentially very dangerous. Some even were dangerous. I didn't make it out unscathed, but I did make it out and I learned from every experience. If you are reaching for something beyond your grasp, there is always a risk of falling. It was worth the risk to me. I like who I am today and who I am is all thanks to the experiences I have had, good and bad.
You are very welcome and thank you, as well for the lovely compliment. I do, however, need to correct one thing you said, and it is something that those who are not involved in a specific sub-culture might not realize or understand. There are situations where no does mean yes, BUT they are very rare and very specific. I have been involved in BDSM for thirty years and there are situations, or "games", where saying no is a turn on for the other person. Some even enjoy it when a "fight" is put up by their partner. Allow me to explain. Consent is a must and it is given at the start of the "game". However, beyond that point, only a "safe word" will stop the game and cries of "No" are only said to inflame the passion of the partner. This is why I said the situations are rare and specific. "No means no" applies to all situations with the exception of this one, very specific situation. I only point this out because it has been the case, among some of my fellow BDSM enthusiasts, that a mild game was played where others were in earshot. A couple were at a bar together and one partner was kissing the other. The female partner quietly said "No" and pushed her husband away as a way to inflame his passion so that when they returned home their "game" could continue. A bystander took it upon themselves to interfere and assaulted the husband. Needless to say, the female was perfectly fine and her "No" meant yes. Her husband, however, ended up with a broken jaw and eye socket and the "hero" spent 18 months in jail for assault. All because the platitude that "No means No" was misinterpreted to apply to any and all situations. The "hero" was unaware that this was not actually the case and, rather than asking the lady if she was okay, which she would have graciously agreed that she was, he simply took it upon himself to assault what he believed to be an assaulter. "No means No" applies to 99.99% of cases, but when looking on at another person's actions, you never know if they are part of that 0.01%. So, if you feel you must step in, always ask if everything is okay first. If it is not, your interference will allow the victim time to escape. If things are fine, the possible victim will tell you everything is fine. Don't be the "hero" and end up in jail. I do feel I need to clarify that this type of "game" is never played between strangers or without prior consent of both parties. In BDSM, consent is paramount. Even more so than engaging in "normal" sex because what we do borders on assault, sexual assault or even rape. The difference is that consent is given long before either party touches the other and our revocation of consent is done by using a "safe word" rather than a typical "No". Also, even a BDSM entusiast should take "No" as an answer if there is no prior discussion of, or consent to, this specific type of game. For instance, if you meet a stranger who is a BDSM enthusiast and they lean in for a kiss. Your "No" is the equivalent of the safe word because you have not given prior consent to any game. Just being part of the BDSM community does not give anyone the right to assault another. However, being part of the BDSM community should not mean they can be assaulted for engaging in a game with another consenting, adult partner.
I apologize for the long winded response, but just disagreeing without explanation would have only made it seem like I was being obstinate and rude. I agree with you wholeheartedly that, unless you are knowingly and with consent involved in a BDSM game, no means no.
Not at all. At least you took your time to explain your logical, and well thought-out reasoning as well as giving a concrete example as to why you argument makes sense. Thanks a lot :D
True, their are some rare exception to the "No means No" argument (as you stated before), unfortunately, so many people either miss-represent that argument — Thank you so much 50 shades of colour for introducing the population to a NOT good representation of BDSM — or they think that since in their mind the person is just being a tease than that statement should not be applicable. So thank you for the explanation ! (and I mean it in a good way.)
Ugh! Don't get me started on 50 Shades of Disgrace! It is so painfully obvious that that was written by someone who has never been involved in the BDSM community. In the club that I am a part of, we do have contracts and waivers that you sign as part of your membership in the club, but they are for things like liability, injury and non-disclosure of personal information. No different than you would sign if you were part of a bungee-jumping club or a skydiving club! No one signs over their human rights! LOL That abomination of a book/movie destroyed what little information people had about BDSM.
Thanks for hearing me out. I really enjoyed chatting with you and I hope we can do it again in the future.
I wouldn't mind chatting again as well. ;D Oh, and by the way, the 50 shades was a fanfiction from the the Twilight fandom. I had the misfortune to read the first 4 chapters when it started and I still don't understand how the author got to not only publish said story as a book but also got so famous. *shrugs* Meh, erotica and the taboo do sell well I suppose (back when BDSM was something that you shouldn't speak in public if you were a "civilized" person). Give me a good Marquis de Sade story! At least he was consistent in making a point and shocking his readers.
To bad that mangago doesn't have a pm function. It would have been found to chat like that.
Sadly, I too am familiar with the 50 Shades backstory. Twilight was written by a woman who has LDS beliefs, not that there is anything wrong with that, but they are rather strict and conservative in their beliefs and rules. I have several friends who are part of the LDS, all wonderful people, just not quite as adventurous and open as I am. So, Twilight was a shock to me. Then, when I learned about 50 Shades, it all made sense. Two writers stretching their legs in places they know squat about! LOL It would be like me writing a romance from a man's perspective. I can make guesses and assumptions, but I'd get the important parts all wrong. Give me a Marquis de Sade any day! Yes, it is shocking, but that is the allure and the whole point. Nietzsche wrote that you have to do extreme and shocking things to carve your name into the hearts and minds of people. You may not win friends in your lifetime, but you will be remembered!
Mangago does have a mail function. You are welcome to mail me anytime you feel like chatting. Just open my profile by clicking on my name and you'll see a "mail" button and a "follow" button under the written profile. I genuinely hope to chat again with you.
Wow. This is actually enlightening as I always thought of orgies as only sex parties full of lust and never an educational one (or really an opportunity to learn from each other). The more you know!ヾ(❀╹◡╹)ﾉ~
I think it depends on the people that are involved. Since most people only experience orgies through porn, it is easy to see them as little more than a mass of bodies writhing and sweaty. However, when you get a bunch of intellectuals together, especially in the late 80s and in New Orleans, you get games like "confess your fetish" or "describe your kinkiest fantasy". Then, we all worked toward fulfilling the fantasies and indulging the fetishes. LOL
Wow! That's cool to know :O though I don't think that I'd ever try it.
Yall Just amazing having Long replies HAHAHAHA(≧∀≦)love it so much to learn from others by just After Reading a manga HAHAHAHA ε=ε=(ノ≧∇≦)ノ
That this is pretty much how I learned about anal sex? I'm a chick, so hetero sex was a breeze, but I learned about homosexual sex from being in orgies with gay and lesbian friends. Learning the "truth" by actually experiencing it with people you trust is better than second hand, bravado laced tales in a locker room or watching fantasy driven porn. There was no embarrassment because we were all equally naked and when a "problem" came up, more experienced friends were right there to help. Of course, most willingly exchanged partners, but those who chose to stay with their exclusive partner were fine too. The advice, then, was given verbally or shown by example on someone else. It was such an enlightening experience that I recommended that my own sons participate in the same situation with their own close friends. There is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed by, everyone has flaws and awkward moments. When you share them openly rather than hide, you recognize easier and faster that you are not alone.