I hate to see my past self in the ML. I was exactly like that, because I was so afraid to ...

is he the avoidant type , but like im avoidant too like when i have feeling for someone im aware of them thats when my flight mode kicks in and i push them out befor getting too attashed in fear of commitment of being left out but he seems so unware of them like he dosnt want commitment but wants to stay in his life and be all over him like a lover .

I think he’s subconsciously avoidant or scared, before I knew I was avoidant I found myself liking someone but making up excuses on why I shouldn’t date them very similar to him and how he’s making excusing with irresponsibility and sexual desire, even if he’s aware it’s still difficult to overcome :’) If I end up becoming aware that I’m attracted to someone I’ll purposely find things to nitpick or seek for reasons to not think that way of them anymore (as in liking them) it’s really self sabotaging in the end. Unfortunately I’ve been made aware of being an avoidant type for almost 2 years now and I still haven’t found a way to overcome it, I almost hate how relatable YG is because it’s like looking in a mirror and feeling called out LOL

Omg same! I became aware I was an avoiant type when, in a discussion with my wife, I couldn't argue because I need to figure out my feelings... For like A WEEK. After that, my therapist shook me to reality.

But before that I did so many things out of fear of commitment. Like sexual relationships, "open" relationships, a tons of situationships...

I’m glad you were able to work through it! I’m struggling myself even being aware but I think it stems from childhood and how you were brought up. I’m primarily a closed off person because I was pretty much neglected a majority of my life so always having someone near me no matter how much I enjoy being with them is still draining and exhausting for me as I came to value my alone time and ability to dissociate and be in my own little world since I was on my own for so long. It’s difficult to be in a relationship with these conditions though because it means I lack affection, communication, and intimacy quite often which only ends up hurting whoever I am with yet I can’t find myself being able to change myself or compromise :’)

Well, I relate with the lonely childhood. My mom had to work and study, so we could have what to eat. So I had to mature to soon to look after the house alone. and since my mom is a nurse, I only saw her at night when she came from work tired. So I enjoy being in my on world because it was the only world I knew.

After I grew up (I'm almost 30 now), I grew close to my religion (Buddhism) and met my wife. What change was mostly our ability to compromise. She understands I need time alone, need to figure out my feelings and sometimes I need some drama. Also, I understand she needs stability and safety (she had a way worst childhood) and I try to provide this because she worth it. I didn't change for her. Most of the time, I'm still the lonely over imaginative child I used to be. But I want her so bad in my life that I change a little bit to accommodate her better.

Maybe someday you will meet someone who worth your discomfort to make your significant other happier for a moment.