I'm actually heavily interested to know the MC's past because we know he's an ass, no just...

I'm actually heavily interested to know the MC's past because we know he's an ass, no justifying that, but as these things are happening to him some of his main thoughts are "I must look disgusting right now " or "I look disgusting" and that's really interesting to me because despite the really horrible situation he has this inate sense of disgust towards himself and I really wanna know where that originated from