pay off chap 1
Chapter 1.
"Then you'll be discharged tomorrow."
The doctor, who delivered the news briefly, sighed for some reason and wrote something on the chart before handing it to the nurse. The young doctor, familiar with treating my injuries, repeated his usual advice.
"The external scar is healing well, but don't push yourself too hard. Absolutely do not overexert yourself. Got it?"
"Yes."
I nodded curtly in response to the doctor's repeated instructions. As soon as I could move a bit, I started doing push-ups and running up and down stairs. The doctor scolded me each time he caught me, and I'd begged him to discharge me each time.
Of course, I couldn't stand the feeling of the stiffness in my body, so I continued to exercise. The doctor lowered his gaze to my stomach and sighed softly again. Now, he had just removed the bandages and replaced them with a gauze the size of my palm. It looked almost healed to me, but the doctor didn't forget to give me a stern warning once again.
"Don't do any strenuous exercise."
I nodded. Of course, I wouldn't. Strenuous exercise for me is like fighting to the death with a knife in hand. However, the doctor, even as he left, couldn't help but look at me with suspicious eyes. Unlike the doctor, the remaining nurse congratulated me.
"It's great that you're being discharged. No one worked out as hard as you did, Lee Taemin-ssi."
She said, with laughter in her words. Then, as I gathered my clothes, she added as if she had just thought of something.
"Oh, the family member who comes every night to take care of you must like you a lot.
Seems like you're really close with your older brother?"
No."
"......."
This indicated he wasn't my brother, but I felt no need to elaborate. The thought of that madman being my brother is something a dog would laugh at. I got out of bed, heading for the door, leaving her stunned. She, taken aback, belatedly asked where I was going,
and this time I responded kindly.
"I'm going to warm up."
*****
Throughout the month of my hospital stay, excluding the three weeks in the ICU, the rooftop became my main activity space. Wearing a patient's gown, unable to go outside,
it was natural to choose the rooftop as a space where I could freely move. I ran up and down the stairs of the seven-story building five times before opening the rooftop door to the refreshing night air.
"Haah, haah...."
I released the breath I'd held in my lungs, inhaling the cool air deeply. Walking to the edge of the deserted rooftop in the late hour, I stood before a barbed wire fence taller than me. Glancing at my watch, I felt my breath slowing. It was getting closer. The stomach wound pulsed with each movement, but the pain wasn't enough to bother me.
I exercised not only to expedite my body's recovery but also in preparation for filming a drama in a month. Amidst my workout routine, P.D. Jung made another visit to my hospital room, presenting me with a gift: an advance copy of the drama's script. The drama had a total of 40 episodes, but only the scripts for the first two episodes had been released.
'I'm currently reviewing auditions, and as I mentioned, I'm thinking of working with Taemin-ssi again. However, it's ultimately my call, as I can already picture him in the role, but final casting isn't entirely in my hands. You'll need to go through a formal audition in front of the relevant decision-makers. Everyone involved in the drama, from the broadcasting station to the sponsors, they want to use actors they want. I assumed it was settled, but does it disappoint you that it's not?'
I replied with a no, and he smiled and nodded.
'Nevertheless, my decision holds the most weight. But if Taemin's acting in the audition is a complete mess to the point where everyone disagrees, there's nothing I can do.'
He mentioned this two weeks ago, and the audition was scheduled for ten days later.
Knowing what he meant, I spent the next two weeks intensely studying the script. The role Jung assigned me was that of a National Security Agency employee.
It wasn't a dialogue-heavy role, but the character played a crucial role appearing in every episode. There were a surprisingly large number of scenes where the character was physically involved. The script had eight scenes where NIS agents appeared. And I had to be prepared to act any of them during the audition. In other words, I had to perfect everything.
Thankfully, it gave me something to focus on while trying to escape the monotony of hospital life. I'm still a bit nervous, truth be told. When P.D. Jung picked me for the role, I couldn't believe it. Could I handle such a significant part? Would I do it justice? A new fear and desire emerged that I hadn't experienced before—I really wanted this role.
Clank.
As I raised my hand to grasp the gridded iron fence, it shook, producing a resonating sound. Unlike the rooftop where I did the suicide scene, the iron fence towering above me was difficult to overcome. However, it was within the realm of possibility if I found a way.
However, beyond the iron fence, there was no railing, so if I crossed, I would fall without any chance to hold on to anything. Clinging to the iron fence, I peered down into the darkness, unable to see clearly. The area below, covered by the black night, was immeasurable in height—a gaping hole, merely waiting with an open mouth.
The desire to do something was unfamiliar to me, awkwardly foreign. I still didn't know if it was permissible for me to have such feelings. This awkwardness and the lingering guilt would likely never disappear in my lifetime. I tightened my grip on the iron fence.
If I could plunge into that darkness and reunite with my brother and mother, I would ask them. Would it really be okay for me to live my life? Especially my brother, whom I had only seen on the verge of death. Even if it was just my imagination, if the cost of seeing my brother was death, I would willingly pay it. The darkness fueled my impulse. Did I want an answer?
"Do you want to jump?"
Suddenly, the question, mixed with laughter, reached my ears. Simultaneously, a chill ran down my spine. I twisted my upper body without releasing my grip on the iron fence.
The madman was standing a few steps away, seemingly having appeared out of nowhere. He casually gestured towards the iron fence with indifferent eyes.
"You can easily climb over that. I'll give you a push if you want."
I intended to frown and tell him to stop talking nonsense, but as I watched his slow-moving arms, my words froze on the tip of my tongue. The guy rolled up his sleeves, deliberately raising his wrist with the scars horizontally displayed.
"You're a coward, so you really don't want me to push you."
His slightly smiling expression looked unusually bright, making it even more difficult for me to smile back.
"No"
Speaking was difficult, but the words flowed out easier than expected. However, I couldn't bring myself to look at his wrist, only at his face.
"I'll push you first, and then I'll live freely."
The corners of his eyes softened. The coldness faded, and he sighed with satisfaction.
"Good to know."
What? When I asked with my eyes, he came right up to me. He raised his hand and overlapped it with mine, still holding onto the iron fence. With a painful squeeze, he forced my hand away from the wire.
That's right. You're not free. So don't be mistaken. Even if I suggest something, I'm not asking for your consent."
"If you're not asking for consent, why bother suggesting it?"
"To be kind."
He replied shamelessly, and forcefully pulled my hand away.
"Shall we go?"
*****
Since I hadn't informed anyone about my discharge, the next morning, I leisurely left the hospital. There wasn't much to prepare for the discharge. Some anonymous donor,
probably the madman, had taken care of all the paperwork. I just had to change out of my hospital gown into my regular clothes. As I was about to leave on my own, the madman texted me in the morning.
-Go to my place.
Ignoring the madman's imperative tone and attempting to close my phone, another message arrived.
-Or should I come pick you up now?
Just plain text, but I could vividly picture the madman's smile, radiating coldness,
making me shiver. And I remembered what he said last night. Suggesting something was just a way to be kind. Son of a bitch.
-I'm going to the Goshiwon. Don't come.
After sending the reply, I put on a new, petroleum-scented, cheap T-shirt over my head.
The clothes I wore to the hospital were stained with blood, so I had bought these at a market near the hospital. The new clothes felt uncomfortable, especially the stiff jeans, but after sitting and standing a few times, I got used to the sensation. At that moment,
the phone's light flickered, and another message came.
-You don't have to go to the Goshiwon; I've already packed your things.
What do you mean, 'packed'? I quickly sent a question and got a reply.
-I threw it all away.
That jerk. Without realizing it, I found myself scowling at the phone as if it were the culprit. Who throws away someone else's belongings? Just as I was about to send an angry text, once again, the phone lit up.
-From now on, you only need me.
"......."
I couldn't take my eyes off the message for a moment. The phone's light automatically went out, and the screen, which had turned black, stopped the thoughts that were about to unfold. Sometimes, I suspected that the madman was a player. He could push someone to the limit, make them seethe with anger, and then effortlessly cool it off.
Even if his lines or actions were cheesy, the problem was the fact that they worked on me. Was the root of the problem ultimately me? Damn it, why did I even like that guy?
Grumbling, I walked out of the place I spent for the past month without looking back.
Passing through the lobby with its distinct hospital smell, the bright morning light outside gradually approached. The dark pit that I had been staring into last night was now revealed on the ground, welcoming me. It was a world where people continued on with their lives. I, too, had become a part of it.
*****
not the full chap lololol, but a snippet of it
Thank you so muchhhh!!!
Which chapter in the novel for manhwa Chapter 95?