I guess because rather than internalizing that fear and panic, directing it mostly towards herself (which would make it more self destructive) she's externalizing it by demonizing her bf.. IDK something about the way she rationalizes her thoughts makes me angry
Not that I'm saying she should internalize it or shouldn't externalize it, I'm just trying to figure out which aspect of her unwellness makes me uneasy because the concept of jealousy and fear of abandonment and self-sabotaging and insecurity isn't exactly a novel idea and isn't one that deters me from enjoyment. It's just this specific girl for some reason.
I agree, but I think my full message is getting lost in translation. In that post, at multiple times I condemned her behavior. I said it's not acceptable behavior by any means, that she needs professional help/support and spoke to how detrimental her actions are to herself and her loved ones. At no point, did I ever say her behavior wasn't toxic. The point I was more so trying to make was for there to be more nuance, compassion and understanding without enabling her actions. I think someone can condemn a person's actions without condemning the person themselves. For example, I think this character's actions are very toxic, but I don't think at her core she is an evil toxic villainous character. I can have compassion for a character or person while fully condemning their actions. What's frustrating for me, is that I see other people hold this nuance/duality for characters or people where the mental health issue is anxiety or depression. It feels like all compassion gets thrown out the window when it's BPD and not depression/anxiety that's causing a person to be toxic. Having a loved one who suffers with BPD it hurts to see even when depicted fictionally, people not holding just a little bit more nuance/compassion for the character WHILE condemning and not accepting their destructive behaviors. This is really a reminder for me, that when my partner is telling me that BPD is super stigmatized that she's completely telling the truth.
Yeahh I agree with you. I didn't go check but I think your comment is what made me write mine but I didn't exactly disagree with you but more the variety of comments in general touching upon this. That being said, I 100% agree with you and it frustrates me to see characters with mental illnesses get demonized, that it becomes a black or white outlook, when it's fine to sympathize with the character while condemning the action itself. It's important to understand these characters/people do shit like that because their mind literally doesn't comprehend the consequences of them at that moment, and it's usually a self preservation mechanism.
I also didn't realize how mental illnesses and BPD specifically was stigmatized until I hot diagnosed with it and saw an acquaintance break up with her fiance the moment he also got diagnosed. It wasn't because of something he did, it's the fact he got diagnosed with it that didn't sit right with her, apparently, but she was completely fine with him day to day had she been unaware or had he not been labelled with a diagnosis. I had to take a step back from her because what the fuck lol. Anyway,,,
I will repeat tho that there's something about this specific character that has me very uncomfortable. Like I've read "Lost in the cloud" and Cirrus is a typical BPD case but I haven't felt half as uncomfortable as I do with this one and i really wonder why...
So I do agree with the people saying "why are you bashing hear abd calling her toxic and a creep and insecure. You know nothing about mental health and only support it to your convenience and when it's sad" and while I do agree to some extent, I still also think that just because she's suffering from mental illness doesn't mean it's not a toxic behavior. Yeah it's not right to feed into the stigma of calling her a creep and a loser, but she IS being toxic and her mental illness doesn't negate that and absolve it. Toxic people do toxic shit because they're unwell. If you think an asshole or a bully does bad shit because they're born evil then that's a skewed pov of the world where only the victims get to be "unwell" while the preparators get to be demons with grand intention.
It's good to be a mental awareness advocate, but that doesn't equal enabling
I pity her and the turmoil and pain she causes herself first and foremost (i truly think she'll self sabotage and cheat on him thinking hr alr did that only to realize she became the one thing she's been so scared of), but I genuinely feel uncomfortable reading this and reading the slow descent into greater depths of derangement. Idk it's not that I'm not empathizing. Having BPD makes me all too aware of fear of abandonment and going through extreme lengths like that, but something about HER and her thought process just makes me dislike her.