FINALLY SOME GOOD FUCKING FOOD amazing character study!!! i love the writing of this manwha so much, very joyous to see someone else who genuinely appreciates the characters and the storytelling (◕∇◕✿)
keep cooking bc taekyung’s relationship with heeseo is so conflicting. even heeseo acknowledges taekyung’s action is contradictory. at beginning chaps heeseo describe taekyung as “unattentive attention, detached attachment, hypothetical goodwill, heartfelt deception” i believe taekyung feels are more toward guardian love more rather than romantic for heeseo. like you said taekyung felt indebted to heeseo’s mom and also felt he needed to take responsibility for saving heeseo’s life. and we know heeseo never saw taekyung as his guardian but rather romantic interest (probs heeseo wants to be taekyung’s equal/lover because he gives him stability in his life) this probs why taekyung has such hot and cold actions toward heeseo. i’m more curious will taekyung turn heeseo to the police if he actually escapes for real? it still seems that taekyung might be lenient toward heeseo bc he still cares in down in his heart.
i love your brain
i went back and i reread the beginning chapters, and throughout, i kept wondering: what are taekyung's honest thoughts on heeseo? taekyung constantly says that what he's doing is because he feels indebted to jeongae (heeseo's mom), that he knows heeseo had to grow up viewing affection as a thing to earn (much like taekyung); so taekyung lies to heeseo about liking him and says he wants his affection to be given to heeseo readily, with no terms or conditions.
but taekyung's behaviour is really...so conflicting. he seems unable to separate heeseo from the child from the burning chapel years ago; coddling him constantly and letting him get away with things saying "he's just a kid, he has separation anxiety." he constantly tells himself this, that heeseo is unstable and needs taekyung to hold his hand a little, but then he'll switch up all of a sudden and tell heeseo that he's all grown up and has to learn how to handle himself, only for heeseo to do something to make him change his mind again.
i find taekyung's behaviour so confusing because, in a way, he's at fault for turning heeseo into this person. (i am not defending heeseo's actions. i know he has his own autonomy and chose to become the person he is, i am simply stating fact.) he's the one who gives heeseo so much and then abruptly pulls it away, leaving heeseo wanting and waiting. he keeps heeseo in the dark completely about his mother's murder, saying it's not something heeseo needs to concern himself with when heeseo pries; completely disregarding the fact that heeseo has every right to know, and especially so since he's an adult. however, the truth is, taekyung wants to protect seokju by leaving heeseo in the dark. he's unable to see seokju as jeongae's murderer when she's been his stepmother all his life.
taekyung pushes heeseo away when the topic of sex is brought up, but at the same time, seems to pull him closer. (i am not excusing the fact that heeseo is a rapist, that is an entirely different matter here. i am simply saying that before the timeskip, taekyung let heeseo get away with far too much with little consequences.)
taekyung is condescending towards heeseo; reminding him constantly that taekyung is his guardian and nothing more, but then lying and telling heeseo that he likes him; causing heeseo to think otherwise. at the same time, taekyung deeply cares for heeseo; views heeseo as someone he needs to protect, keep safe, and happy. taekyung says it's because of jeongae, but is that true? haven't the lines between taekyung being heeseo's guardian because he feels indebted to jeongae and taekyung taking care of heeseo simply because he wants to, blurred?
even now, taekyung hates heeseo...but he was completely alright with playing house with him for a while, smiling like they were still stuck in that winter from 7 years ago; but he was snapped out of his daydream when he discovered the cameras in the house. even when taekyung tried escaping, he stopped when he noticed that heeseo hit his head on the rock, and even reached out with shaking hands to ensure the man was okay.
taekyung cares about heeseo, but at the same time, he's unsure. he thinks fondly of the child from 7 years ago, whom he still sees left in heeseo at times. he'd searched for heeseo during those 7 years, masturbated to him, and was even just a bit relieved to see him when he'd woken up in heeseo's house at the beginning of season 2. he doesn't love heeseo, doesn't trust him, but holds a firm belief that heeseo would never hurt him.
he cannot comprehend heeseo's like; doesn't understand what it means for heeseo to like him. 7 years ago, and even now, taekyung does not understand it. he doesn't understand romance as a whole.
what i still can't figure out is, why exactly did taekyung lie to heeseo about liking him? to keep heeseo obedient? if so, then for what purpose? if anything, taekyung's lie only made heeseo worse. then again, if he told heeseo otherwise, heeseo may have done something dramatic or threatened suicide again.
but...taekyung couldn't handle heeseo avoiding him when he'd told heeseo how he knew heeseo's mother; taekyung is also very attached to heeseo. it's this codependency that keeps them together.
heeseo likes taekyung to the point that if he can't be with taekyung, he doesn't want it any other way. taekyung feels obligated to care for heeseo, to look after and provide for him.
but why? why are taekyung's feelings like this? i'm so curious about his true thoughts, because he truly is such an unreliable narrator...