She is toxic, but abusive? Like she will probably turn out abusive seeing how the story is going but abuse is really a strong word that shouldn't be thrown around.
This type of behaviour is abusive. So what is toxic? Not abusive? She’s objectively pushing her insecurities onto her boyfriend. Her even reassures her, yet she’s stalking his socials, getting mad when he interacts with other women, and she’s being manipulative. If a man was acting the same way, it is also considered emotional abuse. It just starts off very “small” or in your words, “toxic”
Pushing her insecurities on her boyfriend is TOXIC behaviour. Stalking his socials and manipulating is TOXIC behaviour.
On my government website to support abused persons this is the definition of emotional abuse: Emotional abuse happens when a person uses words or actions to control, frighten or isolate someone or take away their self-respect.
What she displays is very alarming behaviour and she is very likely to turn to abusive behaviour to control her boyfriends actions.
A reason to use correct term is so you dont minimize actual abuse. As of chapter 13 she has displayed very toxic behaviour. Saying her behaviour is toxic doesnt make her actions any better, its still terrible and inexcusable. And a man displaying this is 100% a red flag but again would be too early to call him abusive (as of chapter 13)
Abuse isn’t always physical. Her thoughts and the way she talks to him are borderline abusive. She even considered locking him up in a basement to prevent him from interacting with other women so yeah….she’s definitely abusive
Okay so I think there is miscommunication happening here. I don't actually think nor does @Sobbingcyringspitting think that emotional abuse doesn't exist. What we are saying is this is not yet abusive but will turn abusive very soon.
You mention her thinking about tying him up in the basement. This is an exaggeration and is not actually planning to kidnap him. You could think she is inherently bad for just having those thoughts. But I don't think so. It's clear she has some self esteem issues, and the reality of life is that when people are fucked up they have fucked up thoughts, we all do. What makes us bad is how we chose to act and behaved and of course if we chose to do something about those thoughts when we notice them and uf we decide to change for the better or not.
Don't mistake me, I am saying she is toxic and I do agree she is centimeters away from engaging in near bysive behaviors. I don't doubt she will at one point go through his phone or do something even more shady.
She hasn't yet done that. Yes she gets mad, but I don't believe she does this as a manipulation. She is just reacting to her own feelings of discomfort. She hasn't yet prohibited him from doing anything. She has just shown jealousy. And yes jealousy is not healthy, but it's something that happens. What makes it toxic or non toxic is how we deal with it. At this point she has only expressed jealousy, albeit in a very bad way.
This is not an excuse on her behavior, she is completely not in the right and she should go to therapy. Not because she is evil but because she will continue to spiral and end up doing bad things.
But the reason this comment is so long and the reason i replied to your comment is that abuse is a serious matter, and it involves control. That is what is so fucked up about it. Because it's about controlling and therefore owning someone. She is going towards that I believe. But she has not yet commit abuse. And I think that distinction is very important.
As someone that has been in toxic relationship and also abusive ones, I know there is difference.
new girl is so abusive. jumping into a relationship without communication is the worst bc now you “like/love” someone you barely know.