sigh... I just saw myself on Onodera... It was like... so, is that how I looked like from other people's perspective? I still think I would rather be left alone... I am still hurting and ... I don't know...
It took me months of crying every night or whenever I was alone, and then one day I felt refresh ... since then I've never suffered or cried because of that person again, but one thing that chenged in me is that I'm not able to trust anyone anymore, and I definitely rather be alone, I love being by myself and read and read, and I found in yaoi a precious companion ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶
Same... yaoi is actually what has been helping me the most... and meds... lol... lithium is doing a great job but I still can't trust, nor want to trust. Reading about love is fine, but having a relation... I hope I don't fall for someone else. I have had enough.
Yes, trust was lost, is difficult to find it again, and having a new relationship, no thanks, I know that not all men are the same, but just in case, I don't melllow in delussions... too bad gay men can only be best friends, because they're great compannions! My best friend is getting married in May, he had to go far away to find his happiness (my country is still very intolerant against homosexuality), and I really really miss him! And I don't want him to know that because I know he is going to be sad, so I keep pretending, for the sake of his happiness ╮(￣▽￣)╭
Only somebody that went through the same situation can really relate to Onedera, I was crying so hard my eyes and my nose hurt badly, but he was blessed to have reunited with Takato at the end, not all of us have the same opportunity, for some of us the loss was forever ... buuuut there's always a reason for everything, a lesson was learn, and a new path appeared before us, but I'm so happy for both of them!