I don't care how much he changed I genuinely want Caesar to commit suicide

He didn’t change. Leewon is just in love with him regardless, and as you might recall, he particularly enjoys putting a bullet in Cesar’s leg right before getting on top of him so they can F like rabbits. They’re both very much into the violence.

Is he? Lee Won seemed more traumatized than horny to me, he has constant flashbacks to salad shooting him and he got angry in return because he can't hit him back.

Yes he is. And the two aren’t mutually exclusive. He can have trauma from what Cesar did to him and still understands who Cesar is well enough to accept that he’s in love with him despite everything. The best portrayal of their dynamic and of how Leewon feels about him was during the death-match date. When Leewon realized that Cesar was going easy on him, he tried to shoot him, smacked him with his gun and told him that this easy cute shxt he was on was a turn off for him. That he needed Cesar to go all out because it’s his intensity he’s into. Just remembering how Cesar looked at him and the possibility of the imminent danger was like an aphrodisiac for him. Leewon may be more sane than Cesar, but at the end of the day, no truly sane person would enjoy the act of trying to kill each other, then shoot their lover in the leg before straddling them. That’s literally when Leewon came to term with the fact that he was in love with Cesar.

My dumbass would not have realized that

Haha there’s nothing dumb about that. I needed a refresher about their whole dynamic because I couldn’t remember if Leewon was attracted to Cesar from the very beginning which is why I started reading it again. It was fun to rediscover while knowing what happens later. And then I couldn’t remember how they made up after Cesar shot, drugged and r*ped him, but then I realize Leewon just really understands and accepts Cesar for what he is. He’s never once deluded himself into thinking Cesar might be a good person deep down. It’s really when Leewon shot him and was literally turned on by the violence that it made me love the manwha even more. It’s definitely one of my favorite fkd up stories.