Idk if there’s a novel for this manhwua but it all made sense to me why she wanted Gil to hate her or even taunt him to kill her. Gil was the only guy she ever loved but she can’t drop her armour down. Gil and her daughter would be linked together if that happens. They are they only people she truly cares about. She made a plan for Sherry in case she gets killed in the monastery and she made sure Gil will never see her loving him so he can be safe as the Archduke’s right hand.
She is super smart but her methods is mental taxing. The easiest route would be marrying the Archduke or Rowen’s cousin but she never wanted to be with men at all. She wanted to iron things out before someone pulled a trigger at her.
Also i think Rowen isn’t dead but planning to kill the Archduke and use his cousin as pawn. (That sucks cause the prince became like him now because of the mental torture he had to endure from everything. He can’t be a white knight anymore)
I am suprised that i managed to stay long in this plot, too much angst and so lil character development annoys me but the plot is getting interesting at the same time.
The way you explained this storyline is beautiful, at first I thought I would end up hating this story but I'm actually in love with it now. I can't for more even if it's angst or annoying plot twists.
She always says that she wants to be with Rowen but she was manipulated and gaslighted to rely on him. She was pregnant with sherry and she drove Gil away when she was pregnant cause he was her slave. Rowen made people think he impregnated her and she is in debt with that. If not, Gil would have died or her child too. Forced abortion perhaps. She never loved Rowen, Rowen trapped her with a safety blanket for her and sherry when in fact, Rowen just want her all by himself before he “died” it reminds me of that Shu from stepmother manhua (i forgot the title but it has the similoar situation) forced to love their spouse because of the safety blanket they were given. But behind close doors, they were psychologically abused. Shu was looked up in the closet whenever she gets punished.