You’d be surprised at how many people in the bdsm community just don’t set up safewords. I’m a member of the community and my first partner didn’t talk to me about them for a few months. We were just figuring out if we were compatible in the first place. Ofc I’ll always use a safe word now since it helps both sub and dom to be safe but it’s the doms responsibility to always be checking the subs non verbal cues and body language to see if it’s okay or if it’s too much. Safe words aren’t the cure all since a gag could easily stop someone from using a safe word. I personally use safe words alongside safe gestures (something like a triple tap to the closest body part or ringing a bell on the wrist if they are tied together) and my partners also have their own safewords and gestures. Even though Silas is more experienced, he’s not more mature and he wasn’t seriously interested in pursuing a BDSM relationship in the first place. He did ask about a safeword prior to this and Arthur didn’t set one. Even now, Arthur is the one who’s reluctant to set one. Not to mention, Arthur is the one who is more physically strong between the two so they probably both assumed that if Arthur really hated it, he would have just decked Silas and knock him unconscious or something.
Another reason is probably because Silas is traumatised from childhood. He has deep seated abandonment issues so he probably didn’t set one up because it would have felt like a rejection of the most real version of himself that he could show Arthur. A lot of doms unfortunately view safewords as an attack on their ability to safely navigate the fine line between play and assault. This isn’t to say that all doms are like that or even that most doms are like that because they aren’t but it’s a little bit common to hear stories like that. Sometimes subs feel like they will be abandoned for using a safeword and sometimes a dom will feel rejected so trust should be the first thing that was nurtured.
Sorry that turned out so long. Unless you’re a member of the BDSM community and interact with multiple different types of people, it’ll be hard to understand. Hope my explanation helped a bit.
Thank you so much for talking about your experience! It’s not so easy to talk to people who have experience about this
Sure! As long as it’s not super personal to me, I’m more than happy to share knowledge. I think misinformation is how a lot of issues arise so it’s better to just have everything out in the open for those who want to know.
Your views and explanation are so thorough! I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone explain it like this before and it feels so safe. And the analysis with Silas and Arthur is top notch
The bartender was wearing a corgi dad t-shirt, haha! Does anyone remember if Silas has ever given Arthur a BJ and/or rimmed him? If I’m not mistaken, this is the second time Arthur’s giving Silas? But I don’t remember Silas doing that … and why did it take them long to set a safe word?! Silas is the more experienced one and introduced him into BDSM play, he should’ve been way more responsible and done this from the start