THANK YOUUUUU FOR THIS. I was reading the novel but kept getting so sick in the middle I skipped to the end (totally missed the suicide parts ) and saw the ending. I was so shocked but I could tell that it was bittersweet at most and I couldn’t handle that after already going through so much torture it’s soooo much worse with other context holy fuck. To think they don’t move forward or grow and rather instead stagnate and try to stay in that situation of revenge is so sickening. If you don’t mind though what chapter was the suicide part on? I’m interested in reading that
It is in chapter 97 where he commits suicide. It was not worth it to be honest. Author wrote a story, fleshed out the abuse and explained it to in such detail to then ignore the feelings aspect and even while in regret, there is hardly any closure for us. The regret is like one paragraph and then story continues. Half a chapter and then story continues. How are we supposed to connect like this seriously?
It is in chapter 97 where he commits suicide. It was not worth it to be honest. Author wrote a story, fleshed out the abuse and explained it to in such detail to then ignore the feelings aspect and even while in regret, there is hardly any closure for us. The regret is like one paragraph and then story continues. Half a chapter and then story continues. How are we supposed to connect like this seriously?
Wow that’s some bullshit right there, I was gonna try to come back to the novel and read it in it’s entirety one day bc of the NU reviews but damn I’m gonna read the suicide part for my own sick curiosity and come back to see how bad it is, either way, in a weird way I hope the manhwa can remedy these things, cause I did like the basis of this book despite how fucked it was.
I don’t think they will change anything in the manhwa. Lately fucked up stories are getting more mainstream rather than some really good ones. Again psychological genre can be a good novel too but atleast flesh out everything. Seriously at times of abuse, even when you get angry on behalf of MC, you see the MC caring for khalid even then. Like how they would sexually abuse him at night and the next morning he would be worried about leaving khalid alone in a room of nobles? Then after committing suicide, he is shown to be suffering and full of resentment for khalid????
It’s very lacking. You will be left with horrible feelings of neither any closure of MC revenge or khalid’s regret. Or any closure of healing because that absolutely doesn’t happen!
Ouch it's hurt to know the ending like that
I literally spent weeks trying to get it out of my mind. Read several novels to wash out its aftertaste but it was so damn hard. Horrible. I read profundis, non zero sum, at the end of the rose garden but no other story could disgust me like this one.
thank you for this detailed summary but you can NEVER equate abandonment and rape. MC leaving khalid behind doesn’t deserve MC getting raped, there’s a reason why one is crime and one is not. Even if the MC in his mind rationalized it’s okay for him to get raped and abused by khalid, you as a reader should never think that’s okay and valid.
Yes, it’s okay to understand where khalid is coming from, but just because you understand doesn’t mean it’s valid for rape and abuse.
Absolutely. But rape and murder both are wrong. We can’t say one wrong and then the other right or justify it. Both MC and ML commit acts in revenge. Both were hurt. Both were wrong. I never condoned any action in my summary. I’m saying that there was no villain as to how we usually expect in stories for any third party to be the reason of suffering. In this, every person is just behaving as to how they suffered and their mental health got deteriorated.
If khalid wasn’t abandoned or knew that MC never intended to abandon him, he would not have treated him cruelly. If khalid didn’t abuse MC, then MC wouldn’t have gotten innocent people killed.
Physical abuse and emotional abuse. Both are equal. Neither one is any inferior to the other.
I’m conveying both sides of the coin to the people reading my summary.
Again I never condoned any actions of MC or ML in my summary. I want you to think deeper. Humans are very complex creatures. There’s a saying that villains are not born rather they are made.
Khalid wasn’t just abandoned. He was abused as well, whipped, locked in closet. He suffered these things in childhood in MC’s home. The one person he gave his heart to also abandoned him with cruel words. Just imagine his world crumbling. Betrayal is something very cruel.
Then sympathize and understand MC also. He was abused and atoned for his mistake that wasn’t even a mistake. The one abusing him is the one he gave his heart to. He had nothing left in life. He had his pride and that was also stripped off of him.
Now these situations spiralled their life to worse ends. Both are suffering at the end and the cycle of abuse is now restarting with MC treating khalid as his pretty DOG.
I’m conveying the storyline and its aspects. That’s all. Who are we to blame now? Both acted the way they did because they suffered. Take Non zero sum for example and you will understand.
omg thankyou somuch for the detail review! i saw the cover novel a months ago and i got attached imagine how the story would be..
but turns out.. its very no good story yeah? :’D i really get disappointed, maybe i will decide to read this or not based on the artist’s artstyle :’D
I see what you're saying about how trauma shaped both characters' actions, and I understand that Khalid's suffering explains his motivations. But it's crucial to remember that abandonment, while painful, doesn't equate to an act like rape or physical abuse. Abandonment might create emotional scars, but it doesn't justify the choice to inflict severe trauma in retaliation.
No amount of emotional betrayal gives someone the moral right to take revenge by raping another person.
MC may become a murderer later, but his actions are reactions to Khalid's cruelty, which crossed an irreversible line.
Recognizing the pain of both characters is important, but it's also essential to hold them accountable based on the gravity of their actions. To me, abandonment and rape exist in completely different moral realms—and that line matters.
You mentioned there are no villains in this story, but I disagree. Both Khalid and the Emperor became villains by crossing those lines. They chose actions that went beyond pain or betrayal, actions that harmed MC irrevocably. In doing so, they became the very villains of their own stories— and ultimately led to MC's own descent into a murderous villain as well.
That sounds bad lol
I respect your opinion. That’s an interesting take. I myself suffered many years of abuse and I firsthand know the consequences as to how it can shape a person’s mind or how it can twist it. I even suffered from sexual abuse. I tend to think too deeply about these things. Sometimes a thing can appear as very small and not that harmful but it can leave a very deep mark on other person’s consciousness.
That’s why I have learned to never think of anyone’s pain as small or big. It ultimately depends on the person suffering.
One thing this novel depicts is that neither of the two took the road to forgiveness or moving on, healing. Khalid could have forgiven knox and knox could have moved forward to heal. For me, both are wrong yet I can understand both of them.
It is ╥﹏╥
Haha if you are a masochist like me then go ahead. I regret reading such novels so much but whenever I see a new one like this, I just dive right into it (●'◡'●)ﾉ
actually.. im a nzs enjoyer :’D so for dark genre i have no problem with it but- im so picky for character written like how the author forming-build-develop the character is what im looking, so when u review abt the inconsistent, i kinda worry
I appreciate you sharing your experiences, but I must respectfully challenge the idea that understanding Khalid's pain justifies his actions. It sounds like you're acting as an apologist for Khalid, focusing on his motivations instead of condemning the abuse he inflicted.
While it's important to acknowledge the depth of pain each character experienced, we must draw a line when it comes to their actions. If we blur the distinction between right and wrong just because we empathize with someone's suffering, we risk losing our ability to judge actions rationally.
Not all pain is equal, and some actions—like rape and physical abuse are indefensible, regardless of the circumstances. It's crucial that we maintain a clear moral compass, recognizing that understanding a motive does not excuse the harm caused. In this story, both characters had choices, and they chose paths that resulted in irreversible damage, transforming them into the very villains of their own narrative.
Thank you so much for your comment and full review. You saved me from years of suffering, the story sounds terrible so I won't read it.
Damn I just got depression from reading this T_T thank you for this though it helps the rest of us who are nosy but can’t commit to reading such heavy story.
This is a review from someone who read this novel and had to desperately get myself out of the disgusting feelings this made me feel for weeks.
This novel is not happy ending. This even has detailed rape and torture scenes, heartless characters, cruelty and don’t expect any love.
The gist of the story is that there is no major villain. Just the three characters, the MC and two male leads whose relationship, revenge and actions takes up most of the novel.
MC is a noble who pretended to abandon the ML (khalid) to save him when they were kids. ML was hurt because his whole world was MC. The only light in his miserable life. However later in adulthood, the MC’s family was killed by the second ML (Peltian) who disposed of the crown prince and became emperor. The MC’s family was supporting the crown prince, that’s why they were killed. However MC was secretly helping the emperor and was in an idea that the emperor knows it’s him who helped him defeat the crown prince. So when his family was killed he was shocked and thought that he was abandoned by the emperor.
Basically the guy who was delivering MC’s messages of to the emperor didn’t tell the emperor that they were from MC rather he prentended that it was himself who helped emperor to get the benefits, this way he betrayed the MC and got all the benefits of emperor who thought that Belthias Deron was the one who helped him.
Now MC was captured and khalid asked the emperor to give MC to him as a slave so he can take revenge. Khalid and emperor are deeply bonded as brothers so emperor granted him this request.
Now MC thinks he has to repay khalid for the hurt he caused him while abandoning him. That’s why he doesn’t commit suicide and becomes a slave willingly so that khalid can let go of his resentment and be completely happy.
Khalid badly abuses MC (Knox) physically and sexually.
He and emperor treats him like an object less than a human being. The sex scenes are horrible with slapping him to keep him awake, fucking him in turns for the whole night, not letting him rest, teaching him to suck their dick first thing in the morning as slave. It’s horrible letting him ride a wooden horse, use dildos on him and double penetrating him, keeping him tied to bed and fucking him for days even though he begs not to. Khalid even makes a bet with emperor to see if MC is loyal to him alone and knows who owns him if he doesn’t cum while someone other than Khalid fucks him. Emperor fucks him and MC cums so in anger khalid takes off his belt and hit his perineum and hole with it several times while asking MC to keep his hole open with his own fingers. It’s horrible through and through.
Once MC slaps the belthias guy who betrayed MC and Khalid first slaps him twice in front of that guy for punishment and then further locks MC in a dark room for a week. MC completely loses his mind from that time on and submits his self to slavery.
Khalid also whips him so bad and then denies him treatment and that is the last point where MC commits suicide because he thinks he has paid back everything because when khalid was abandoned in the past he was also whipped. It wasn’t MC who whipped him but the one whipping MC was khalid.
MC and Khalid both used to love each other in their childhood before the abandonment.
The dialogues, the thoughts they are so degrading for MC by both emperor and khalid that both are not redeemable at all.
The major issue I have with this novel is that the author’s focus is highly on the torture and extensive sex scenes with degradation. However you won’t get much intake on the feelings or thoughts.
When the abuse was happening, there would be one or two line to specify the feelings of either the MC or the ML.
I think it’s very lacking and makes you unable to connect with the characters because we can’t get a clear feeling of what they are feeling other than horrible abuse and resentment.
As comaprison, the Non zero sum highly focuses on the feelings of the MC so we can connect on a much more deeper level with his suffering. We even get the insight of ML and understand that he is psycho. Just a mental patient. We see how his though process works.
In this novel, Khalid and emperor are abusing MC so badly but if MC is sitting alone and gazing at space absent mindedly or is washing the floors of Khalid’s mansion then Khalid will act like he loves MC and cares so much about him and can’t bear to see him like that. It’s just crazily inconsistent.
Another inconsistency is the MC. He wanted khalid to vent out his resentment. He didn’t know khalid will abuse him like this but he was very strong. He was very able at swordsmanship. He didn’t commit suicide to let khalid blow his resentment and become happy.
After the first night where khalid shared MC with emperor, MC could commit suicide but he on the next day was helping khalid in handling state affairs. He even taught khalid how to dance. It is strange that he appears completely fine by the abuse so far and even cares for khalid? We don’t get much insight to his mental health by hsi thoughts during this time so it’s very hard to connect if he has resentment building for khalid due to all this abuse or not.
Why I’m saying it is inconsistent is because of what happens AFTER MC thinks he has paid back everything and commits suicide.
So basically after MC is whipped, he is in his room where he was unconcious. He wakes up goes out the estate, sees the carriage of belthias and rode it. He talks to belthias and mentions how he betrayed him etc etc. All of his converstaion is being listened by Khalid and emperor through a magic stone that is given to him by khalid and which is like a communication device controlled by Khalid. That’s how they come to know that MC is innocent. MC kills belthias and goes to his home. There he jumps off a window and commits suicide.
Now for the inconsistencies. Khalid hates MC because he abandoned him in childhood. But suddenly he is devastated and acts like he can’t live without MC when MC commits suicide and it comes to light that he was innocent. Khalid’s resentment wasn’t because MC helped crown prince, it was because of abandonment. So even if it comes to light that MC is innocent, how he turned 180 degree?
Then the argue that it’s because MC committed suicide but khalid has been abusing him cruelly for days and days. He whipped him so bad and denied treatment suddenly he is remorseful just because MC commits suicide? I would believe it if I could get an ounce of feeling that he loves MC? He calls MC whore, slut, prostitue. Treats him like one. That is definitely not love. It doesn’t give any feeling of love even to us readers!
Anyhow they somehow save MC. During the process khalid comes to know that MC didn’t abandoned him willingly. It was an act to save him. He even searched for him and was whipped by his mother for this reason so more regret.
Now MC wakes up and hates khalid and asks him to kill him off. He asks khalid why he did all those things to him. Now again I don’t understand that the author clearly explained to us that MC let khalid do those things because he wanted to let him release his resentment. Now MC is shown to suffer from abuse but while it was happening we were not shown much of his thought process until very late into the story where he starts to self harm to even breathe. Even during that time, we are not given any inkling of his resentment to khalid.
Understandably he wants to die but no one lets him. Emperor is also remorseful. He decides to restore his status back to noble from slave but MC is shamed and notorious in whole kingdom now because he had became a slave and was a plaything of khalid and emperor.
MC takes his revenge on both khalid and emperor. Emperor is betrayed and killed by khalid. MC becomes the next emperor and khalid now becomes his dog.
My pet peeve with this novel is that there is no one to blame for all the misery except one when the emperor rapes MC again in jealousy even after knowing that he is innocent.
Khalid’s whole world was MC and he was also treated as a slave and very badly treated at MC’s home. But at the end MC also abandoned him (according to him because he doesn’t know MC was pretending neither anyone told him). He was whipped and thrown out and he saw MC smiling at another servant after throwing him out. Just imagine for a child to rely on someone during his whole misery and that someone also cruelly and ruthlessly throw him out and abandon him. It must have been horrible. The scar must have run deep and turned so bad that it twisted him to such an ugly person later on. I understand him because I have felt the feeling and fear of being left behind. It is very very scary and hurtful.
The emperor treats MC badly for very stupid reason but more than that he treats him badly because he thinks he was supporting crown prince. So if you understand the world of emperor and its throne fights, you can know that it’s a very cruel world. Where you have to be ruthless to win. After he knows that MC is innocent he restores his status and is remoresful of the abuse MC suffered.
Lastly MC, after suffering from khalid and emperor, he also now bore resentment and hate. He kills innocent people for his revenge. He even takes relief in khalid’s suffering. He suffers from the after effects of abuse he faced at the hands of khalid and emperor. But khalid also suffered the pain from the abandonment of MC. He then took his revenge on MC. All his happy memories from MC turned painful ones because at the end he was abandoned so he must have thought those moments were just pasttimes for MC.
When I see it, who do I blame then? Khalid suffered and took revenge from MC. MC willingly offered himself to khalid to decrease his resentment and suffered. Then he also took his revenge on khalid.
It was a circle of abuse that never ended. Even if MC never abandoned him willingly, he never told khalid. He even himself understands that khalid must have suffered alot due to that so that’s why he wants to atone and make khalid happy. He could have committed suicide anytime. He could have fought anytime but he willingly suffered everything. Once he thought he paid back everything, he committed suicide.
But he was saved, he should have been allowed death atleast. But khalid and emperor didn’t let him die. After that he takes revenge on them. The abuse cycle starts again now. He feels happy to see khalid hurt and then treats him like a dog at the end of the novel. Kills innocent people for his revenge. He becomes cruel as well.
I really hated the end. There was no respite for anyone of them. Khalif wasn’t a villain. He was just taking his own revenge. MC wasn’t a villain and he is also taking his own revenge. Not one of them thought of moving forward. It’s horrible. I wouldn’t recommend anyone this novel. There is no closure.