Sorry if this was TMI. I don’t usually tell anyone this thought process.
You're the only one who can choose, and the only one who will prioritize your own happiness and well-being. If you do reach out, try to work with a therapist or at least research common tactics used by abusive people so you know when to bail out of a communication attempt.
They are the people who hurt you, it's their fault, so please try to avoid victim blaming yourself.
HEY! don’t feel guilty for putting your health FIRST!!! also these mangas make it seem so easy cause one or both parties usually go through some sort of change for the better and WANT to reconnect! As harsh as this sounds YOU might have changed for the better but your father might still be the same person so please don’t let them hurt you again don’t blame yourself
Contradicting emotions are normal.
They are your parents, sometimes there is good mixed with the bad that makes us hesitate. For example, I detest cheating but my grandpa cheated on my grandma and I can't say I hate him, he's my childhood and I love him even if his actions were terrible.
You're a human, we are not black or white or even gray. At the end of the day, you can give yourself the option of allowing a person into your life again, knowing you can also kick them out if they do you wrong again. There's things maybe you simply cannot forgive or forget, and you can't force yourself to do either. Time is what we have so much of yet feels like it is not enough.
The decision is yours in the end. And it doesn't have to be the one you think is the 'right choice' but the one you want the most.
I think it depends on whether your biological parents have truly changed. Because it's pointless trying to reach out to someone who refuses to see how much they've hurt you or who wanna put in some effort in your relationship. My friend completely despises her bio mom and would never try mending their relationship because she's a narcissistic woman who never stops victimizing herself. But she did improve her relationship with her biological father and is now close to her half-sisters. Good luck with whatever you choose Mayo.
You have the right to reach out, it doesnt invalidate your pain or what you've been through. Being scared is normal I think, and you should also put yourself first, if your parents didnt change then reaching out will only hurt you. Remember that you dont owe filial piety to those who didnt act like a family. Even if they used to be different or you were, you're still their child and they decided to have you, you didnt choose to be born there. So live your life and maybe one day they'll change, maybe they wont, but you deserve happiness
Ngl being able to even just speak to your parents who you’ve cut out of your life is extremely hard. It’s been nearly a year since I’ve talked to my dad. But whenever I see these kind of scenarios, where either the parent or child reaches out to the other, it makes me think whether I should try reconnecting. But another side of me thinks that when a parent has hurt their child to the point that they don’t want to talk to them, you should never talk to them again. But then I get soft again when I think about them dying and never trying to reconnect again. But again as the same time I don’t want to get hurt again…. *sigh* (◞‸◟)