I understand what ur saying but putting him on a pedestal and praising him for the bare minimum is crazy work. Abuse is abuse no matter the circumstances. Yes his coworkers were evil, but so was he towards Yumi.
Abusers don’t even do the bare minimum of letting go, so yes I am praising him, this is just how I feel about it. Both were abused, if I’m being hypocritical by greeting them differently because I hate that he abused, what about the fact he was abused too? Had he not let go of Yumi, Yumi would have stayed and his mental health would have a downfall.
You can’t tell me that him letting go is not awesome. Many abusers don’t even do this and it leads to crime cases.
Obviously Kan did wrong, nowhere did I condone that. For me, someone evil is those who abuse their authority and do not feel remorse, especially in many Asian cultures when it comes to work—there are people like that, therefore I think the coworkers were more evil. I’m not saying Kan didn’t do anything wrong, he was a bad person for sure.
But I’m just glad he let go of his ex instead of smothering him more. And Yumi found love, so did he.
The abuse cycle stopped.
Putting him on a pedestal is nothing of what I did, I don’t think he’s a great person. But he is a human who’s done bad things. So don’t know where you think I admire him or think of him as some savior. Maybe it’s my wording but I’ve other posts where I noted his bad behavior/abusive behavior.
And not once did Kan praise himself for the things he did, he has always hated what he did, and regret it big time. I personally don’t forgive him for what he did, nor justify. But I’m just happy that he let go.
Abuse is abuse, I agree. That’s why I mentioned his abuse and him as an abuser. I do apologize if I sounded like I am smothering Kan with love, but I can assure you I don’t think of him as a savior.
However, I do feel sympathy for him (what he went through as a victim at work), and for Yumi.
I'm still kinda iffy about u admitting to praising him. and "letting go" might not be the bare minimum of an abuser, but it is the bare minimum of a HUMAN BEING. Actually the bare minimum is to not hit someone in the first place just because that's what happened to u. I know tons of people (myslef included) that have been treated unfairly )i would even say abused) by others, but i and the people i l know WOULD NEVER take it out on our loved ones. His backstory is sad, but it's not an excuse. I also can't find him "letting go" of yumi as "awesome" just cause he's a horrible person, i more rolled my eyes at it. One last thing, how I see it is that his coworkers are horrible cause they're abusers and he is the same amount of horrible because he is an abuser. Again i get ur pov but in my eyes, abuse=abuse
Not everyone is the same, that’s part of being a human being unfortunately. And I never disagreed that abuse = abuse. And your perspective is valid, if that’s how you feel, I respect it, I can see what you’re trying to say but I will stick with mine. Thanks for sharing!
not everyone is the same, but most decent people are on the same page when it comes to domestic violence...and by same page i mean NOT DOING IT. But idk, these issues are complex and it's not my place to judge ur POV so i'll fall back. but yeah thx for this convo
I mean yeah but not really with some mentally ill people, not everyone with a less sane/irrational state can think rationally. And yeah, of course!
mental illness is not an excuse to abuse people. so yeah that's basically what i'm trying to say. i'll stop responding now
Oh of course it isn’t an excuse or justification, just an explanation. So I’m saying nobody should expect someone with mental illness to react normally, there’s a reason why it’s called mental issues haha.
Readers talk bad about Kan Chan (uke in 2nd story here), rightfully with valid reasons, but he isn’t a villain. The true villains are the coworkers that caused his mental health to downfall, as well as the hierarchy or age hierarchy. I see some readers wanting him to be prosecuted or something, but they don’t talk about how he became like that because of abuse. Had it not been for Kan himself telling his ex to go, this abusive cycle would’ve continued. His realization and letting go is redemption.
Not many trash abusers get suffering or realize how horrible they were. 90% of the BLs I have read, they don’t reflect on it. But Kan here has reflected for years, he let go of his ex, and told him how they can’t go back anymore. He is sorry clearly.
It would be different reaction from me if Kan had kept the abuse going, and not letting go of his victim Ex.