Finale! (spoilers in +)

Honestly that ending made a hell of a lot more sense than everything leading up to it; I don't mean to say this as in 'it's because the ending was clear', but because it solidified thoughts that I could only loosely speculate were true until this point. Spoilers for those who've yet to read it below!


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This is going to be based off the timeline of their true history, and not the timeline in Moritat.
I do wanna point out that I think at least part of the reason of the confusion for some people is because Law's mentality and emotions were evolving almost every chapter due to him getting realizations/ideas/epiphanies; in fact, I daresay it was intentional on behalf of the mangaka, perhaps as a sort of attempt to make the reader feel just as unsure about Law's feelings as Law felt about Jesse's (leaving you with nothing but questions/maybe's/if's/etc.).


Sometime before chapter 43, I had a flaky feeling that Law was indeed in love with Jesse. By chapter 44, I knew Jesse loved Law. Finally, by chapter 46, I felt absolutely sure (at least, as sure as I could possibly feel) that Law was in love with Jesse. This may have been the chapter that actually made some people believe Law truly loathed Jesse, or just confused them further in regards to Law's thoughts/intentions, because "this seems to contradict what he thought last chapter! etc.etc.", but that's not how I perceived it.

On page 3 of chapter 45, Law thinks...
'He hasn't called me since yesterday. Since I met Jesse, I've never been able to go to sleep peacefully because I never knew when the phone would ring. I was constantly on edge when it came to his emotions, going to heaven and hell and back at least 10 times a day. Are those days really over now? Is this it? I don't want to say goodbye to Jesse forever, I just want to be away from him for a bit...and meet him again after I pull myself together."

-Jesse ends up calling him, and immediately is reminded of Jesse saying "I won't do that anymore," which is what he said in reply to Law's request "I don't want you to control me"
We'll come back to this in a minute-

Starting at chapter 45, page 9, Law thinks the following after Jesse feels betrayed by Law:
'Jesse. Jesse. You're such a source of chaos for me that, at your slightest gesture, I fall down with no resistance. No matter how strong of a cause I wrap around myself, when I hear your voice, I, like a leaf blown away by a typhoon or a sand castle hit by a wave, even before I realize that I am falling, I shatter to pieces.'

We are left with these thoughts until the beginning of the next chapter (46), where his thoughts continue...
'Jesse. I hate you. Jesse. I want to destroy you.'
...he confesses to Jesse:
"I love you. Since a very, very long time ago, you've been the only thing that I've loved." He's honest as he continues, "But, the more I love you, the more I hate you; and, the more I hate you, the more I hate myself. So, that's why I did that. I thought it would be better to leave you."

Jump back to page 3 of chapter 45...Law is questioning if he won't be "controlled" by Jesse anymore, something that was absolutely fair of him to think before he truly gained a relationship with Jesse; however, jump back to that phone call, Law's reaction was Jesse's promise not to control Law -being pulled back down to a rhetorical hell- because what's controlling him isn't actually Jesse, but how he emotionally reacts to Jesse. This is practically confirmed in Jesse's thoughts on ch.45 pg.9

Now, for the sake of making this a sliver shorter than it could be, let's draw some of these together:

"Jesse...I love you...since a very, very long time ago, you've been the only thing that I've loved. Ever since I met you, I've been constantly on edge when it comes to your emotions, going to heaven and hell and back at least 10 times a day. You're such a source of chaos to me that, at your slightest gesture, I fall down with no resistance. I am never able to go to sleep peacefully because I never know when the phone will ring. No matter how strong a cause I wrap around myself, when I hear your voice, I, like a leaf blown by a typhoon or a sand castle hit by a wave, even before I realize that I'm falling, I shatter to pieces. But, the more I love you, the more I hate you. And the more I hate you, the more I hate myself. That's why I did that. I thought it would be better to leave you. I don't want to say goodbye to you forever, I just want to be away from you for a bit and meet you again after I pull myself together."


If you're still confused, or it's unclear, this is my point:

Law is no longer controlled by Jesse in a literal sense, Law is being controlled by the emotions he has for Jesse, and that's the problem. He doesn't think he can handle it, and he really struggles to. He wants to be in control of these emotions that essentially dictate every second of his life, but simply telling Jesse not to control him will not change how he responds or reacts to Jesse.

"No matter how strong a cause I wrap around myself, at the slightest gesture...when I hear your voice, I fall down with no resistance."

Anyone who's ever been soo deeply in love that they're "blind" (ya'll know who you are) knows exactly what this is. Metaphorically, you become a slave to your emotions; a slave to the one who ignites those emotions. It doesn't matter whether they intentionally "make" you do something or not, your emotions are what dictate your reactions to the source.
Love is the one emotion that can pull you to heaven and hell and back at least 10 times a day; it makes you fall down with no resistance. Love is an emotion that can be soft, kind, and a raging storm all at once. It can make you whole and hollow you out until there's it feels like there's nothing left. It can create anxiety and suicidal depression in people who've never had a history of it.
When you truly fall in love with someone, you cannot simply "fall out" of love. Yes, you can move on, you can overcome it and move forward and even learn from it; unfortunately, many don't...God rest their souls.
Honestly, if I'd never experienced this sort of love before, I can't say this relationship, or these feelings Law felt, would make much sense to me. I wouldn't be able to comprehend it, let alone pick up on it as it played out.

The anxiety that this deep of love can incite includes an irrational (or even rational though unnecessary) fear of inadequacy/abandonment. You can be with your lover every day and still feel an immense fear of abandonment (I know, I was one of them). Some kill their lover over this fear (and then themselves if they can) because it's debilitating and there's nothing else they can think of doing to stop it.
This is an aspect Law is heavily affected by on a constant basis; he always feels replaceable, and this emotion is only aggregated by the position both of them are in as they grow together. He incessantly believes that Jesse is not affected by Law the way Law is affected by Jesse. It frustrates him, upsets him, and makes him desperate. Nothing Jesse could have said as they were would have settled the fear in Law that Jesse didn't need him...wouldn't abandon him. He needed to be relieved of this fear, and it didn't help that Jesse shut him out after he lost his parents, but it did give him the time he wanted to pull himself together, and he developed Moritat. Law was able to get what he needed: a form of confirmation that Jesse would choose him, even insomuch as having Jesse choose to die with him. Jesse was right, it wasn't about being equals, it was about being needed, even if it meant forfeiting "control".
I may be rushing my explanation now, but it's late and I don't know how to be more clear on it at this point (but I'd love to answer any inquiries you may have about it).

This last chapter honestly was a much better ending than I was expecting, and it's only topped by the fact that it makes soo much sense (to me at least)!
I feel they both finally understand just how much they mutually need each other.
Shit I still can't believe this actually made sense at the end lol. I've read soo many manga/manhwa's that made sense UNTIL they ended then I was like??? But this one was totally the other way around lol; except the ending actually made the other parts make sense too so it was all good!!?


tl;dr - Everything came full circle by the end. 10/10 will prob'ly read again.