I think the contrasting feelings in this manga is because while it is cute and sweet, it h...

I think the contrasting feelings in this manga is because while it is cute and sweet, it has an undertone of darkness.

It's not just that Yatamori slept around, ( putting aside issues) it's that he did it with such disregard towards himself, almost with a hint of normalcy, due to a loneliness that seems to be covered up by his unnatural way of smiling through it and making it seem like a lighthearted thing - almost as if fretting about it any more can be troublesome.

I mean, a classmate comes in, and not only does he see that, it's treated as something "normal".
As if it was as simple as eating food or falling asleep. Even after his classmate sees him, rather than put a halt to whatever they're doing, the guy even proceeds to ask if he was the boyfriend rather than stopping, and Yatamori himself doesn't care. It gives such an odd feeling, especially considering he had a "boyfriend". The situation is such to the point wherein Yatamori doesn't even lock his door. Like I said, complete disregard towards himself and most things.

In the next chapter, too... it was almost nonchalant and practiced, how quickly he approached his teacher in that manner after talking about his newfound feelings. Even the teacher says what a lot of people already know - that (putting aside arguments), it's best to do those things with people you love - and he seems aware of this as well, but Yatamori just treats it like buying a juicebox or eating food.

Therein lies the darkness of it: a boy who was left alone too early, forced to be independent, with budding desires and a strong sense of loneliness - that he sees it as a quick and currently effective way of satisfying both. Like it's just a need to be fufilled, without going through complications or nuances, like valuing oneself or putting weight into those acts. Being aware of it, and yet not truly knowing it or dismissing it. To put it simply, he KNOWS that you can't and shouldn't just do it with anyone, but he has his needs, and he doesn't care enough about anything else. Hence why he could easily be exploited. And unfortunately, Yatamori doesn't care.

Indeed, it's more evident when you realize he's had a boyfriend and had been inviting men to his house, but hasn't had a friend in ten years.

It's like it's only upon meeting Nanami that he's finally experiencing a normal highschool life, a normal love, and experiencing a normal desire to protect friendship, that even desires are put in the background if it means continuing to be together. Like he's finally started to treasure something in his life. It took so long, that things had to happen first, and it just feels so bitter, how his problems were downplayed by himself: from the irregular meals, to the lack of familial presence and love, to his sleeping around with older guys in order to receive love or affection. He regards all these concerning things with near indifference, because it's all he knew so far. It is such that even a simple headpat, a simple hug, is enough to make him feel more happy and satisfied, not only because he's barely had that, but because it came from someone he found important.

On one hand, their first love, and the way they discover simple joys is so sweet, but on the other hand, there's a lingering sense of darkness from how Yatamori had been living his life until then.

I know I'm rambling, but I can't help it when it's such a delicate yet complicated manner of weaving the story together, like a warped woven rug, wherein stitches jut out here and there, but the colors and the imagined finished product is beautiful. Like I said, contrasting feelings.

And, I know I've already said too much, but Nanami's behavior towards his girlfriend is definitely concerning, too. The nonchalant way upon which they proceeded throughout the chapters gives readers the image that their relationship wasn't serious, but c'mon, man. I know it's important to let the other person know when you're interested in someone else rather than cheat on them, putting aside the intricacies of this matter, but really? In the middle of it? And yes, he should be more considerate of things - who says that they're better than their ex at cooking - in the presence of their ex - if not out of spite? And that's the thing: he didn't do it out of spite, he's just that callous. His ex-girlfriend has tolerated a lot, I can tell... Of course, these things take a backseat due to the seriousness of what's going on in Yatamori's side.

As such, while I'm looking forward to reading the rest, I also can't help but be worried and feel nervous. I hope these two get a chance to grow and learn; for Yatamori to value himself more, and live a better life (from basic necessities to healthier relationships), and for Nanami to be less callous and more serious (on the plus side, they're starting to show progress!)