it's 4 years* a typo my bad
Anyways it was November 2023, last year when we hang out, we are clearly aware of each other (I know because I caught him taking candid pics of me)
So I was like, maybe this was my chance since I know I still like him all those years so I messaged him once I got home, he said he'll tell me in person once we hang out again (he said he was shy, plain bullsht lol)
December 31, almost new year we decided, with our friends to have a discord call, to celebrate new year, one of them suggested we play truth or dare (to catch up since it's been a while)
Our friends got their turn first since we did a roulette, when it was his turn, he chose a dare
One of our friends who is our classmate in 3rd grade dared him to confess to someone he have a crush on... he shared his screen so we can see... and he texted his blockmate that he like her for a month already but she said she was thankful for her but she can't return his feelings
Honestly, I felt like I did an ice bucket challenge during that time. I literally was getting cold sweats. I was stunned.
When it was my turn, I chose truth... our friend asked if I still like him, I said "I like him... before" I regret saying that honestly coz I know that my voice was shaking
After that, months passed it was April, 3 days after my birthday
My friends decided to have a drinking party in their house. We drink plenty, I was already drunk but can still manage myself, our friend assigned me, him and our other friends to go buy more drinks
Me, as drunk asf, I tend to be clingy so I cling my arms to both their arms. After we bought the drinks, as we returned he ask me to talk to him in private. I got SOBER like all of the drinks I had was nothing.
We go to a private area, we sat on a sofa and he asked if I have something to say to him since he wants us to be casual to each other. I said I don't have anything to ask you, why?
We sat there in silence for like minutes then he hold both my hands and he said sorry. He said sorry for all the things that we almost had, he said sorry because he thought he was leading me on. He said sorry coz he knows that I was waiting for him and he was a coward. All I do that time is cry, I was crying so hard coz I know, that's the end. When he was about to leave, I hugged him (I was sitting so I hugged him while he was standing), I cried so hard coz he still pat my hair coz I was crying so bad.
I let go and said he can go back to our friends, I need to calm down first.
So yeah, I just wanna share coz I understand the female lead, all we want is closure and I got it.
After that I learned that he got his first girlfriend, the girl he confessed with on the new year, the one that rejected him, the one he met for one month & decided to court her, it did leave a bitter taste on my mouth for a few months but now I am genuinely happy for them
I moved on already but I decided to share this because that first love is something I have experience. The painful first love that I can reminisce and look back like this.
now I wanna rant about it hahaha so basically I have this seatmate (this happened pre-pandemic) when I was in 3rd year of high school we got along well coz I find him funny. He was my seatmate in one subject only coz there's a sitting arrangements for that subject but eventually I didn't realize that we became seatmate in all of our subject.
Naturally we go home together, hangout after school or when it's weekend, talk over the phone and all those people that in a relationship do (our classmates thought we are in a relationship lol)
I'm really in to him during those times, looking back I recognized him when we're first year, he was the guy who's beside me in our first day orientation, like a red string theory
I clearly remember before our high school ends, it was early March 2020 when he ask me to meet up end of March coz he was gonna say something but then pandemic happened during March, we got locked down and all. We lost connection and after 5 years we met again thru our friend who ask to hang out
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